z

Young Writers Society


16+

The Lie that Saved the World Chapter 6: Day off

by VengefulReaper


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

10 years earlier, the aftermath of the Congo Massacre

Steve walked out of the ward as he took one last look at Haley being rolled into the theater. After the horrific attack, she had been admitted to the hospital as a victim of the strike. He laboriously dragged his feet down the hallway to meet Ethan at the cafeteria.

A colossal figure measuring about 6 feet grabbed Steve from the main hallway and jerked him into a storage room. His glossy hair was drawn back in a bun, and he wore a black trench coat over his loose, dark blue shirt.

His pale complexion highlighted the dark, sharp eyes he had. They had grown harsher over time as the tenderness fled him. Much of Sigvald was a mystery to him. Steve had dearly wanted to believe his companion had some good left in him, but now he knew his friend had vanished. Something about his sinister presence instilled abject fear in the hearts of anyone he met. Well, except John, who didn’t know what he looked like.

“Hello Steven, it’s been a while…”

The head of the newly formed defector group, SEKT, stood alone with the founder of The Alliance. Sigvald had over the years committed acts punishable by death even in a state of war, but he got results. But the point remained: what was wrong, was wrong and no number of results would alter that.

“How is she?” he asked, a slight hint of concern in his voice. It was enough to say he was faking it.

“And why would you care?” Steve snapped sharply.

“You’re right. I don’t.”

His mighty fists clenched as his bruised knuckles whitened. Sigvald knew how to push every button of Steve’s with just one sentence. He felt as if he wanted to pick up a screwdriver on the shallow shelf and thrust it through his wicked eye, or lift an ax and slice off his bruised head.

Not here, Steve thought. Not now.

“Then why are you here? I hardly believe you’re here to mend your ways and profusely apologize for killing her.”

“I had a mission. I told her to stay out of it. She didn’t. She was collateral damage,” he stated bluntly.

Struggling to keep his voice from rising, Steve let his actions speak instead. His fist made contact with Sigvald’s jaw. Sigvald stumbled back into the shelf behind him. He straightened his jaw with his hand but did nothing to retaliate. He never came for a fight. But if not for a fight, why did he come here?

“I am here to warn you. The citizens of that bombing would have been evacuated before I pulled the trigger, but you interfered. You forced my hand.” He took a step forward and gripped Steve’s shoulder with such force it could have dropped him to his knees.

“How far will it go, Sigvald? Do you think the massacre makes you some kind of war hero?”

It had been years since they mutually agreed on anything. After the split, Steve swore to thwart him. After what he had done here and what he had forced him to do, Steve needed to kill him. And he would do it at any cost.

“Hero? Don’t think I am the same fame-seeking boy you grew up with. I’m no hero. I wish to God I was. The praise, the joy, the careless attitude of being the good guy. I could just be another soldier like you, but I’m not. I’m the necessary evil and I will go as far as I need to go. Whatever it takes,” he whispered.

Sigvald examined Steve’s eyes. He had a gaze that was able to pierce anyone’s soul, reading their personal thoughts. It was overbearing. Gazing into his burning eyes would be like staring at the burning sun. What made it so scary was its emptiness. It felt like staring into the eyes of a lifeless puppet. If the eyes were the gateway to the soul, then Sigvald had no soul left. Sigvald grinned wickedly at Steve’s silence. He buttoned up his trench coat and opened the door to leave.

He looked over his shoulder, “When are you going to tell that boy, his mother is just as dead as his father is?” For a fraction of a second, perhaps too abrupt to even catch, a flicker of heartfelt sympathy filled his eyes. A momentary lapse in the blank expression as he spouted those words.

How did he know? Nobody knew Ethan was Haley’s son, Steve thought as his heart skipped a beat.

“Leave him out of this, Steven. For his sake and yours. He’s an innocent boy like we once were. Do you want him to subtly transform into people like me and you?”

“I am nothing like you,”

“No, you aren’t. But you’re no role model either” he said before closing the door behind him.

Present Day

Steve gently poured a glass of sparkling wine for himself in his office. John sat comfortably opposite the wooden office desk. Steve swiveled his chair around and sat down placing the wine glass next to his enormous pile of design plans. His eyes had sunken in, and the dark patches had grown more noticeable over the recent years. Steve was a planner. He couldn’t fathom a world where he’d wake up one day and have no elaborate plan on how to spend it. Though as time passed, his plans for every day remained the same. Check reports, examine the map, monitor SEKT activity, manage admin work and close off. It was, however, his lunchtime talks with his old friend that brought some unpredictability to his day.

“You wanted to ask me something?” Steve asked.

“Why’d you let Ethan stay? Wasn’t this all suspicious to you?”

“Suspicious? How so?” Steve asked as he took a sip of his wine.

“A guy who ‘unexpectedly’ dropped in on our operation and nearly died goes from wanting to be mind-wiped to wanting to join us in the span of… half an hour?”

“He’s trying to avenge his mother who was killed by a bioweapon.”

“I do not doubt his motivation. It makes sense. It’s just…how do you decide something that quickly? It doesn’t sit right with me,” John said.

“Yeah, the thought of him being a spy hadn’t crossed my mind, but you may very well be onto something,” admitted Steve. “I suggest you find out, without being exceptionally harsh, why he’s rushing into this decision that could very well get him killed. This isn’t like accepting a promotion in your job, it’s life and death. I accepted him for one reason alone…”

“And what’s that?”

“If he is indeed pure in his intention, then he’d make the most loyal soldier we’ve seen yet. Never have I seen a man with so much hate before. Hate, when channeled correctly, will mold him into our greatest asset. Unquestionable loyalty is something hard to come by these days,” Steve said.

“And if he’s a spy?” asked John.

Steve sat back in his chair and finished his glass of wine, “Then you’ll catch onto him. That’s why I put him in the infiltrators. Spies tend to miraculously disappear among the crowds. Keep him close to you, and he won’t be able to do much damage.”

“You seem a little colder than you were yesterday. What happened to guilty, self-blaming Steve?” teased John. “And I suppose you just talked out your ass when you said you placed him with me to protect him.”

“He may be Haley’s son, but he’s also a soldier now. I want to guide him, but I have no idea where he has been in the past decade. This wouldn’t be the first time Sigvald has used someone close to me to get what he wants. Both he and I haven’t survived by being foolish and unprepared.”

“Good,” John said. “Just wanted to make sure you knew. I’ll keep tabs on him until I’m convinced he’s one of us.”

John rose from the office chair at Steve’s ornate desk and walked towards the exit. The wooden floors creaked as his sturdy boots walked over them. He paused.

“Is something wrong? I can sense you’ve been stressed these past few months. More than usual, really,” he observed.

His eyebrows furrowed and his eyes narrowed. His hand stroked his clipped grizzled beard. There was something on his mind that he just couldn’t shake.

“Isn’t it weird how quiet things are?” he said almost in a whisper.

John raised an eyebrow, “there’s plenty of noise downstairs if you would like to talk there?”

“No, not that. Not a hint of activity from SEKT until this bioweapon was released. It’s like they don’t even exist. We’ve raided their bases for the past three months and all they’ve been doing is falling back.”

“I think you’ve been working so hard that Sigvald is feeling sorry for you and finally gave you a break. When’s the last time you’ve had some time off?” asked John with a smirk as he raised his feet and placed them on the desk.

“I took a day off last year, actually. But seriously… Isn’t this at least a little concerning? It’s like they’re waiting for something.”

John’s smirk vanished, “Yeah, I’ve felt it too. I think SEKT was initializing their bioweapon plan. We have no idea how widespread it is already. We have no way to tell whether this virus is in its infancy or whether it’s a global pandemic. If we assume the start of their silence was when they released the virus, it’s been out for three months.”

“Then we’re already three months behind. We have no idea why he’s released a virus that is asymptomatic and non-lethal, where he released it, or how much time we have left. Until our recon units come back with some useful intel, we’re pretty much useless,” Steve said.

John’s right side of his mouth curled up into a grin, “then this would be the perfect time for you to take another day off and let me deal with the kid.”

“You do realize I’m your boss, right? The leader of the Alliance is supposed to take a day off until his subordinates hand him some intel on a silver platter?” muttered Steve.

“And you do realize I’m your friend, right? I’m telling you as a friend that you need to take a day or two off and interact with the real world for once. You act as if those recon units are actually people. They’re a bunch of droids that record footage. They won’t be back until next week at the earliest if any return. Live a little. Stop being a workaholic,” he said endearingly before exiting Steve’s office.

I’m not a workaholic. I can stop whenever I want to, Steve scoffed. But I guess I could use a day off.

Steve got to his feet and walked over to a matt-black chest of drawers that was snugly placed next to the door. A picture frame lay face-down on the top of the drawers. Hesitantly lifting it up so that he could see the picture that was framed, Steve’s fond gaze instinctively diverted for a split second from the picture.

It was a picture of five people standing shoulder-to-shoulder in their ceremonial Alliance uniforms. Steve, John, and Sigvald stood in the middle. Haley, a small woman with jade-green eyes, only a few shades lighter than Ethan’s, stood to the left of John. The fifth was a stocky, bald-headed man who had an eyepatch on his left eye and stood to the right of Sigvald with a tall glass of whiskey in his hand. In the background, soldiers were unpacking supplies and reloading their artilleries. John towered over the rest of them placing his massive arms around Steve and Haley.

He placed the frame face-down once more and walked out of his office. The door closed behind him softly. Steve walked down the hallway and entered the teleporting room.

I haven’t used this in a while, Steve thought as he pulled out his teleporting card from his back pocket. He slotted it into the teleporter.

Teleporting in three…two…one… Please remain calm and keep your arms inside the terminal!

Steve vanished from the station in an instant. He exited the terminal and walked out of the station into the bright daylight. The sun beat down on Steve as he forcibly dragged his feet down the abandoned street. The dust lifted in the air as a car drove past him making him let out a violent cough. He saw a sign hanging loosely from a pole at the crossroads. In bold white letters, it spelled ‘graveyard’.

Steve followed the sign and turned the corner. The graveyard’s entrance was at the apex of the arid hill. The steep road was barely tarred and covered with potholes, a horrid nightmare for any vehicle. Steve felt the sweat run down his face. He used the sleeve of his shirt to wipe his forehead dry and began his ascension. The pigeons on the ground cooed and scattered as Steve approached them. With each step, another droplet of sweat formed on his forehead.

He reached the top of the hill. He was greeted by a rusted black gate. He tried opening it, but it didn’t budge. The battered door was rusted and brittle. He pulled more vigorously and the door flung open. As he entered the graveyard, he could feel the emptiness. It felt like returning to an abandoned house. A suffocating, hot breeze stroked Steve’s face. The arid climate felt like it sucked all the moisture out of him.

In the neglected corner of the graveyard, lay a simple grave with a signboard planted at the end of it. It was nothing but a pile of dirt held together by the shallow roots of a few frail flowers. Steve approached the grave and stood at its head. The wooden signboard was barely standing. Some of the inscriptions peeled off and the aging paint began to crack.

‘In loving memory of Commander Jeffery Jones, the one-eyed bullseye. A father, a friend, a loving husband, and a beloved leader. Rest In Peace.’

Steve clenched his fists as a wave of mingled emotions ran through him. I don’t think I’ll ever be like you, sir, he thought regretfully. You never made many mistakes, sir. Making me your successor, however, was certainly one of them.

A local man wearing a bright yellow cap passed by to water the flowering plants on the grave. The shimmering water ran eagerly down the sides of the grave and pooled by Steve’s feet. He watched it slowly seep into the soil deepening its color.

“Haven’t seen you in a while, chief,” observed the man as he was watering.

“I took a day off.”


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178 Reviews


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Thu May 25, 2023 9:36 pm
MaybeAndrew wrote a review...



Andrew here with a quick review! I enjoyed the flashback, though I did feel the dialogue was a bit clunky at points. The look at Sigvald was my favorite part. The seems like he could be a fascinating antagonist. The second modern-day conversation was good, though some of the humor felt out of place.
Into specifics!

The head of the newly formed defector group, SEKT, stood alone with the founder of The Alliance. Sigvald had over the years committed acts punishable by death even in a state of war, but he got results. But the point remained: what was wrong, was wrong and no number of results would alter that.

Here you are making some interesting and bold philosophical claims. If they are being made by the narrator themselves, I would want some more show don't tell to establish them. If this is an expression of Stevens beliefs, I would want to hear it more from his perspective.
“Hero? Don’t think I am the same fame-seeking boy you grew up with. I’m no hero. I wish to God I was. The praise, the joy, the careless attitude of being the good guy. I could just be another soldier like you, but I’m not. I’m the necessary evil and I will go as far as I need to go. Whatever it takes,” he whispered.

I really like this last line, and think it establishes what you were trying to do in that other quoted paragraph really well. I'd like to see more like it.
One small thing: you said, "he whispered" at the end of all the dialogue. Do you mean he like whispered that whole paragraph? If you want to put emphasis on the last line, I'd do something like:
"Hero? Don’t think I am the same fame-seeking boy you grew up with. I’m no hero. I wish to God I was. The praise, the joy, the careless attitude of being the good guy. I could just be another soldier like you," He shook his head and then lowered his voice to a whisper. "but I’m not. I’m the necessary evil, and I will go as far as I need to go. Whatever it takes,”
Or
"Hero? Don’t think I am the same fame-seeking boy you grew up with. I’m no hero. I wish to God I was. The praise, the joy, the careless attitude of being the good guy. I could just be another soldier like you, but I’m not. I’m the necessary evil, and I will go as far as I need to go." He met Steve's eyes with that cold glare and lowered his voice to a whisper. "Whatever it takes,”

yeah, the thought of him being a spy hadn’t crossed my mind, but you may very well be onto something,” admitted Steve. “I suggest you find out, without being exceptionally harsh, why he’s rushing into this decision that could very well get him killed. This isn’t like accepting a promotion in your job, it’s life and death. I accepted him for one reason alone…”

“And what’s that?”

“If he is indeed pure in his intention, then he’d make the most loyal soldier we’ve seen yet. Never have I seen a man with so much hate before. Hate, when channeled correctly, will mold him into our greatest asset. Unquestionable loyalty is something hard to come by these days,” Steve said.

“And if he’s a spy?” asked John.

Steve sat back in his chair and finished his glass of wine, “Then you’ll catch onto him. That’s why I put him in the infiltrators. Spies tend to disappear among the crowds miraculously. Keep him close to you, and he won’t be able to do much damage.”


This is strange to me here because in the first bold section, Steve seems to be saying he hadn't even thought of the fact that Ethan could be a spy, yet in the second bold section seems to be saying he intentionally put Ethan in a place where they could find him out if he was a spy.
I’m not a workaholic. I can stop whenever I want to, Steve scoffed. But I guess I could use a day off.

This very cliche use of the phrase "I can stop whenever I want to," Though humourous, took me out of it. This type of humor took me out of the story.
But that's just my two cents! Hope that helps!
Like I said, I liked this chapter. The look a the characters' motivations is really fun and helpful and remind me of chapter zero, my favorite part of your story I've read yet. I also really like
“Haven’t seen you in a while, chief,” observed the man as he was watering.

“I took a day off.”

Good ending!
Thanks and keep writing,
Andrew






Thanks for the review, Andrew! I totally missed that inconsistency with Steve. Thanks for picking it up. Somehow, things like this just slip through despite me reading over it so many times lol.

I'll also tweak the conversation with Sigvald and Steve. I was worried the switch to Steve's POV would be a little jarring but happy to see that wasn't the case. Thanks again!



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Wed Jun 22, 2022 4:36 am
Liminality wrote a review...



Hi again! Lim here with a review.

First Impressions

Like the previous chapter, this one is a slower more reflective piece. The mood is a lot more serious here though, and still I thought the lighthearted banter between Steve and John helped to ease the transition from the previous chapter. Steve’s character is fleshed out more here, and so is John’s. I like how John’s character plays off the different people he interacts with. When talking to Ethan, he comes across older, more fatherly; but with Steve he seems a little cheekier. I liked the ending to this one, as well:

“Haven’t seen you in a while, chief,” observed the man as he was watering.
“I took a day off.”

I’m just realizing that the day off he took “last year” was probably also to visit this grave, which is a really nice tragic touch.

Characters

I think Steve comes across as a morally grey character. He’s sympathetic, because he does have these feelings of guilt surrounding Haley’s death, but he’s also someone with a colder side, as seen here:
“. . . Hate, when channeled correctly, will mold him into our greatest asset. Unquestionable loyalty is something hard to come by these days,” Steve said.

Referring to Ethan as an “asset” suggests he partly wants to use him as well. Ethan at this point seems dead set on being here to achieve his own objective, so I’m curious to see how this will play out, as it seems they both will clash at some point.
Something I like about how Steve is characterized here is that he seems not to know himself very well. John points out how he seems to contradict himself by making this speech about how he’s going to use Ethan, when previously, he asked John to protect him. I think that makes Steve an interesting character.
“I think you’ve been working so hard that Sigvald is feeling sorry for you and finally gave you a break.

This line by John made me smile. I think I’ve mentioned before that I like the wittiness of his character. I wonder if there’ll be more to his story arc later on, since so far he’s mostly been playing a kind of ‘support’ role to the other characters.

Descriptions

Since I remember you asking before about a metaphor in another chapter, I thought I’d leave some comments on the metaphor in this chapter:
The crack ran across Steve’s face in the photo splitting it in half and then curved down to draw a line between him and Sigvald.
“Why did things have to change?” Steve asked himself. “Why did you have to change?”

I felt like this part of the metaphor was a bit ‘too’ detailed. Combined with the dialogue, it doesn’t leave much up to the imagination as to how Steve feels about the relationship he had with Sigvald. While it’s good to make important facts about the character dynamics explicit, I felt like the first part, where it shows that he had the picture frame placed face-down, was enough to show that they used to have a connection and now they’re on opposing sides. Especially since I think in an earlier chapter we actually ‘saw’ them arguing via flashback.

Plot

I like how the plot has progressed so far. The conversation between Steve and John revealed some spooky details, like the virus being “asymptomatic and non-lethal” and possibly having been around for at least 3 months. My speculation now is that the virus will somehow become lethal with everyone unawares because it’s asymptomatic. I like that we’re getting some details on the bioweapon now, because it lets us know what the stakes could be.
Asking John to keep tabs on Ethan is also a sensible choice on Steve’s part, though it might cause some tension within the team. It makes me curious to see how that will play out.

Overall

I liked this chapter a lot, and I think it made me appreciate Steve more as a character. That’s good, because I think before reading this one, he didn’t stand out very much for me. I’m curious to see how Ethan will work together with the others as an infiltrator, and what they might find out about the SEKT bioweapon.

Hope some of this is helpful, and feel free to ask for more feedback!
-Lim






Thanks so much for the review! I'll definitely look into the metaphor. It does seem heavy-handed/too obvious. I think I'll just leave it at Steve putting the photo face-down and walking off.



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Mon May 23, 2022 9:53 pm
SalisRuinen wrote a review...



Hey! Salis here with another review!!

I like how this chapter focused on a single character. I think it's a good thing to do that every now and then and considering we're talking about Steve in this case, one of my favorite characters so far, I was even happier for it!

You start great right off the bat with the first paragraph which perfectly sets the tone and gives an idea of the monotonous work-consumed life that Steve has. And the final sentence perfectly serves to shift the focus to the particular conversation between him and John that takes up the first half of the chapter.

Looking at Ethan, someone he cares for very much, from a purely strategic point of view and thinking of ways to use him to the fullest is exactly why Steve is worthy to lead the Alliance. He has the mind and predisposition needed for such a position, even though as is later revealed in the chapter he doesn't really want to or feel worthy to lead. An interesting thing I noticed early on in the conversation was the comparison of Ethan to Sigvald. Whenever there are similes between the main protagonist and antagonist, on whatever level, it makes things much more interesting. And I wonder if that's not a hint to revelations that will be made later.

I also find John's attepts to convince his friend to take a day off very touching and was very pleased when I saw them succeed. With everything on his mind right now, Steve definitely needs a little rest. Going to the graveyard was definitely not the way I was expecting he would spend his day off, though, so you really surprised me there.

His thoughts while standing in front of the grave of his predecessor combined with those when looking at the picture back at his office weren't too long or detailed, but offered great insight about Steve's past and mainly about the regrets tied to that past that he carries. This man truly has a great burden on his shoulders. Living up to what Jeffrey Jones was as a leader, dealing with losing him, Sigvald and Haley and now things have got worse since Ethan has joined the Alliance. I hope he'll be able to handle all the stress and continue being a shining example to all members of his organization, because I'd say the Alliance and hence the world is lost without him.

Thanks for the great chapter! Keep at it!!






Thank you so much for the review!! Part of my intention with Steve's character was his obsession with catching Sigvald. He basically lives in Steve's head rent-free which is why he's always on edge when things get quiet.




The things you are passionate about are not random, they are your calling.
— Fabienne Fredrickson