yes
The fuzz in my chest sucks up static.
Shocking, it clings to my lungs and I feel
hungry,
nauseous,
sadly cautious.
Pain doesn’t stop.
Awareness ebbs in waves.
Resting like zippers racing through my brain.
Information falling out of place.
Static buzzing
clinging to the nape of my neck.
I can breathe but there's
no
air
yet.
What do I want
What do I want
What do I want
What can I have?
I am sad.
Don’t want to be in pain.
Want to relax.
Stretch out these aches,
feel the snap crack pop of
my joints back in place.
Tension,
a desire to do things.
Pain,
preventing the process.
I could be so much more than a person paused by panic.
I could cry and still feel empty but for the static.
What am I processing right now?
Dribbled on the edge of my eyelash,
dripping sweat behind my knees.
I yearn and reach for sleep
only to feel unease.
Wow, I really loved this poem. I love how descriptive it is, and how I can just imagine the pain. I thought back to when I used to have knee and shoulder problems. The pain was unbearable sometimes and became chromic over many weeks. This piece made me think back on that time, and it made me physically cringe.
Anyway, away from my personal problems.
You did a great job on this poem, and I like how you wrote it. At first, it seemed long, but there were lines where it was just one word, which put an emphasis on how chronic pain really made you feel.
Usually, poems are about fictional things, but this time it was personal but that didn't cause you to stray away from being descriptive and creative.
Great job on this piece. I really look forward to reading more pieces by you.
Hi hi. I haven't reviewed in a while, oopsie.
Anyway, about the poem - I also suffer from chronic pain and it sucks. I think that poetry is a good way to get out emotions that people in your real life might not understand that well because of how wide the spectrum is. What I've learned about my chronic pain is that it is very poetic to me, because it's never going away. There are precautions we take to ease it up, but none of that will actually make the long-term issue vanish.
This poem can be seen as either a precaution, or something in the midst of one of the highs were the pain gets worse. It all depends on how you read it. It can be telling the story from the perspective it is over and you are recounting what happened, or it can be telling the story from the perspective it is currently happening to the narrator. I assume you are the narrator in this situation because of how specific the moments are described.
Like I can use a few lines to showcase what I mean, and those are:
Shocking, it clings to my lungs and I feel
hungry,
nauseous,
sadly cautious.
I am sad.
Don’t want to be in pain.
Want to relax.
Hey there! Plume here, with a review!
Gosh, this poem was so evocative. I loved the desperation you were able to convey with all the line breaks and variations in lines. I don't suffer from chronic pain, so I can only imagine how difficult it is. I think this poem took a very raw and emotional look on it, and I loved the contrast between the content and the tongue-in-cheek title. Nice job!
One thing I loved about this was how well you played with similar sounds. Because of the differences in line lengths and syllables, there wasn't a hard and fast rhyme scheme, but you still managed to work in some assonance and slant rhymes to create a rhythm, which worked to also add to that desperation and suffering from your speaker. It was especially noticeable with "naseous/cautious," "waves/brain," "neck/yet," "aches/place," "panic/static," and "knees/unease." I think these slant rhymes/similar sounds were a really nice touch, because although they don't overtly rhyme, they still help that rhythm and make it more poem like, along with creating a really nice tone to the overall poem.
Specifics
What do I want
What do I want
What do I want
What can I have?
dripping sweat behind my knees.
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