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Survival: The Escape, Chapter 11.4

by HarryHardy


"And so we've managed to select our team now," she began after waiting for everyone to settle down," for obvious security reasons, it's better if they’re the only ones who know of the rest of this plan, so I will kindly ask the rest of you to leave. Thank you so much for volunteering. It helps out a lot. You guys will all be necessary because while the five of them are the ones actually getting outside, there's a few more layers to this plan, one of which we will need a fairly large number of people for. A separate meeting will be called for that one because those arrangements will require more specific attention later. For now, stay safe out there.”

There were several quick farewells and those inside trickled out in groups of three. Mr. Haber and Ms. Johnson were both quickly at the door, timing things to make sure that there were at least twenty second intervals between the various groups. 

They sat in a slightly uneasy silence as it took a good ten minutes for the last group to finally exit the room. It seemed like neither party there wanted to speak first, letting the distraction of the people leaving keep them all occupied. Then finally, the door closed with the same mechanical whirr as before. One the last click sounded and Mrs. Kane broke through the silence in the room.

“Alright then guys, looks like it’s going to be the five of you. Shall we start by taking a look at this flaw that we managed to detect in the system. Before we get to the plan itself, I think you guys would probably like to know how the plan works, and its good for you to know too, should any improvisations be necessary, we hope not, but its never a bad idea to be prepared."

Mr. Summers took center stage, He took the offered microphone with a smile. The air felt heavy as Harry's anticipation grew in preparation for the information that was about to be released. He'd seen the flaw firsthand a few times now over the past couple of days as this meeting was being set up. He had plenty of theories on what the exact flaw could be, but getting the professional assessment would let him know which of those wild ideas was actually correct.

"So you all know about the spaceship that recently crashed into that new gate?" began Mr. Summers. He waited as everyone murmured a quick yes. Harry thought it was a bit of an odd question to ask considering everyone should've heard of it, but he guessed Mr. Summers just preferred to build up a point from the ground up.

Mr. Summers continued," And thanks to these three here, that was quite the coincidence by the way. The mathematics are astounding. It makes you wonder about fate. Anyway I am going off topic. You don't want to know about probability. At any rate, this were the ones that notified Alice who let me know and I of course immediately set out to evaluate it."

At this point he paused for a few seconds, to acknowledge the three of them and Mrs. Kane with a nod. Harry nearly wanted to wave at him to go faster. He could understand it was probably mostly for Kathryn and Ryan's benefit, but this was taking entirely too long, especially considering Mr. Summers was supposed to be the impatient one.

"You guys probably wouldn't want to know the technical jargon of how I analyzed, cause of course I couldn't physically go to the door, not with the night guards and the cameras and of course the damn spaceship means there's very little line of sight, so the drone it was with a few modification. So to the actual damage."

Mr. Summers stopped to clear his throat. It looked like he was gearing up for a pretty long explanation.

"I don't know if all of you will understand, but the wires were actually deformed due to long term damage. Not by enough to cause damage of course, not until the ship struck it. That force actually caused a severe deformation. Thankfully that material is very ductile, so it simple stretched a lot but didn't break. I'm probably already diving deep here, but essentially, the wires are at such a point where, the data that they transmit is severely hampered and the bending and deforming has left enough gaps that it leaves the wires open to outside tampering."

"So how does that help us escape?" asked Harry, unable to contain himself.

"I am getting to that," said Mr. Summers," I just want you all to have some context first, or you won't understand the rest."

"It's okay, just continue," said Mrs. Kane, stepping forward," and no more interruptions please. All the questions can be asked at the end of this. At the moment, we're trying to get through this briefing as efficiently as we possibly can. We can't afford to waste any time with the sort of situation that we are in."

Harry turned bright red and quickly mumbled an apology, "won't happen again, mom. Sorry." She acknowledged it with a nod.

Mr. Summers the proceeded to clear his throat yet again and continue," So, yes, to the point I was making. The keywords are outside tampering. The information hampering thing is simply a bonus for us, and actually the reason the aliens haven't been tipped off yet."


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Sat Oct 16, 2021 10:31 am
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

You made the end of the chapter seem like a gentle wave, which I like and after the arc we saw in this chapter for the conference, it's a great balance too.

I find this part very heightened in terms of pace. Plot-wise, we're moving forward in a good direction, but after being so exciting and stretched (in a good sense), this feels like a rollercoaster ride has now gone vertically down. In fact, you suddenly adopt a different style, where the process of the plot appears in rapid succession.

On the one hand, I like the way you end this chapter, but I also find it overwhelming how everything now appears here as if it were a summary instead of the actual description. I like the chapter overall and how it developed after the previous chapter too, but it leaves me a bit washed up on the beach that the ending was satisfying yet unsatisfying. Indeed, I lost the seriousness of the situation a little in this part when I realised that it suddenly became more "hectic". I think the professionalism of the participants diminished a bit here, I think that sums it up quite well.

From a technical point of view, I liked the information and the structure as it is given, just the presentation of it is a bit quick. Overall, this part stands out very much from the others. I can't say it's good, and I can't say it's not good. It's a bit weird. :D

Other points I noticed while reading:

for obvious security reasons, it's better if they’re the only ones who know of the rest of this plan, so I will kindly ask the rest of you to leave.

I think that's putting it a little too kindly. For the seriousness of the situation and the mission ahead, I think it would sound better like "For the safety of us all, it is a duty that only those who know about the plan know about it. Please leave the room immediately" or something like that.

Shall we start by taking a look at this flaw that we managed to detect in the system.

A question mark is needed here.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




HarryHardy says...


Thank youuu for the review!!

Ohh..hmm...I didn't think it was too fast, but I see your point. I will look into that for draft 3 :D



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Mon Oct 11, 2021 5:55 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a very short review!

Okay, this was an interesting end to this very interesting chapter. I did feel that we haven't yet entered the actual layers of the plan. This one seemed to provide us a brief overview of what has happened till now. I agree with Harry though, everyone had to have heard of the space ship that crashed. It created quite an impact in the story and it must have left the same impact in their lives too - after all, it is going to be their ticket to freedom. Possible ticket.

I like how you explained a little about the wire damaging. It was mostly for the benefit of Kathryn and Ryan who do not have any idea about any of this. I share Mr. Summer's disbelief over the coincidence of the three of them being recruited in the mission, but I thought it was handled very deftly. I have a feeling that a lot of interesting stuff is going to happen during this mission and I cannot wait for this to begin.

Now your dialogues were a bit on the longer side. Especially the ones coming from Mrs Kane. Yoh have to add enough periods and other punctuation marks to make sure that the sentences don't run on and your readers can still understand them. Otherwise, the meaning just gets lost somewhere between all the words.

This was a really interesting chapter. I tgought that the ending was a bit abrupt with how it seemed to cut off in the middle of an explanation. I would have opted for a more natural ending, especially because this is a chapter end. You have to make sure that each of these parts hold together in the framework of a single chapter.

this were the ones that notified Alice

'this' will be 'these'. We are talking about the three of them and they cannot be referred to as 'this'.

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!

Until next time!




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Hmm...yeah the transition from here to the next chapter isn't that great. I kinda wanted the whole plan itself to be in the next chapter, while this chapter ended with the explanation about the damage, and so yeah...since Mr. Summers talks about both of those things...it kinda ends up cut in half like that :D



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Mon Oct 11, 2021 4:57 pm
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a tiny review!!

I really like the fact that the whole humanity is co-operating with the team. I expected some sort of chaos but it went very smoothly. Now, it makes me think that something is going to happen that will not be the best.

Okay so other layers of the plan seems to be very interesting. Like if I am not wrong, it has to do something with how they are going to manage the situation after the aliens will have figured out. That will require a more full-fledged plan than the escape. Because, they are not gonna die(we kind of know this :D) and the people in the camp will be in more danger. Also, I find it very intriguing to think how they will come back.

Here, we actually saw quite a change in the character of Mr. Summers. Like earlier, he appeared be very serious and now, he doesn't appear to be serious, rather a bit amusing. He even smiled and his tone had a drastic change. Seems like he is quite optimistic about the mission like the others. Another thing which I noticed is the formal tone of Mrs. Kane while referring to her own son, Harry. Okay again I do wonder a bit about their father. Seems like we will not be able to see him in thw whole story. He is extraordinarily busy.

Yes, now our main concern is how the wires will help in escaping. I don't have any clue about it but the main concerns are the cameras and the guards. If I am not wrong, the escape is actually gonna happen in the daytime considering the fact that the team has the duty in that region and I assume the guards will not be there when they work.

And now chapter 12. We have come so far!

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




HarryHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Chaos is coming soon...well not soon, soon, but chapter 16 ish onwards ;)

Hmm...yes there are three layers to the plan...one layer is made very clear in the next chapter, the other layer is kind of addressed but its not really important to our main characters so it stays in the background, the other layer which is maybe the craziest one only gets hinted at and will be properly revealed in the sequel ;)

Yes..xD, Mr. Summers is very proud of himself at the moment with the plans working out so he's not as grumpy as he usually is :D

Hmm...you shall see soon enough ;) although I'll just say at the risk of a spoiler alert...don't expect things to go exactly as planned ;)

Thanks again!!





Hm... There are so many mysteries that will be revealed in the sequels.

Seems like he is veryy proud of himself. I don't understand why he should be. Just because he managed to see the gate and confirm? Seems like.

When do things go as planned? Never.



HarryHardy says...


Hmm..you might get a hint as to why he's so proud a bit later :D

xD..true :D




There is nothing more radical or counter-cultural, at the moment, than laying down one’s cynicism in favour of tender vulnerability.
— John Green