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S.H.A.D.O.W Chapter 1. Many Meetings (part 1/3)

by TheMythMaster

In a castle, a castle embedded into the side of an icy uninhabited mountain unknown to the nearby village of Meiringen in Switzerland.

In this castle there were people, people who were more than just hiding in these truly inhabitable mountains, they were holding the world together.

this was the home base of the organization of Spys, Heroes, and Defenders, of World peace


Now, what did S.H.A.D.O.W do exactly? well, that is something we have soon to find out.

                                                                     . . .

Thunk, the knife stabbed into the ceiling again before falling back out, being caught by the owner, and being thrown back into the roof, over and over again.

Magnus Winters sat in his bed pondering whether or not he should go down to the main hall for the "mandatory meeting No.16" weren’t all meetings mandatory? sure not all of them included the whole organization, but still, why don’t they just say that all meetings are mandatory and those ones could be called an "all members meeting"

He threw the harder this time so it would stay.

Ah well, unfortunately, he wasn’t the most unnoticeable of agents and someone would probably comment on him not being there which would lead to one thing and another until director Hammer called him to his office and gave him another talk about how "just cause you have some powerful abilities it doesn’t mean your any better than the rest of your fellow agents"

why did everyone see him as some Harry Potter character? he wasn’t a bother in training, he was a top agent, and he would still be all those things even if he wasn’t the world’s only known telekinetic.

Lugging himself out of bed he hauled himself out the door, down two flights of stairs, and into the big hall that took up a third of the icy castle that S.H.A.D.O.W headquarters was housed in

                                                                    . . .

"Hello, and thank you all for coming" Mister Wilkem Hammer strode up onto the temporary stage set up in the center of the room

"now we have a few things to discuss in this meeting, mainly some changes we're planning on making, few announcements, and id also like to address some rumors that have been going around" he continued on about the changes; a renovation to the northern wing that will open up garage space, a donation box for agents in the field, Magnus probably would have heard more of it, were it not forth intervention of, Harris Hamilton, better known at S.H.A.D.O.W as

"Shakespear!" Magnus said seeing his friend butting through the crowd to get over,

"Alpine?" Harris said smirking "I didn’t think you’d actually come, you usually think these things are, how do you say it?"

"huh, well I still think there a non-educating boring waste of my time, but your the whos named Shakespeare, why can’t you have a better memory for words?" he grinned Harris's code name was something of a joke, because Harris had a great memory for details, but never literature

"ah well, I suppose there’s nothing I can do about it" Harris answered shrugging "so are you paying attention, I’m not"

"kinda, but not all that much with you talking in my ear"

"ok, ok, but you’re the one who doesn’t care"

it looked like Hammer was nearly done, he had started talking about the rumors and that usually signaled that he was finished, people were starting to disperse,

"and last of all id like to welcome a new member to the Acadamy" he put his hand out to the right of the stage as a girl walked up and stood facing the crowd,

From where he was Magnus didn’t have a very good view of the stage, from what he could see she looked to be roughly sixteen, and 5'5, (though if asked Magnus in all honestly would tell you he was rubbish at guessing heights and ages in that miraculous way that some people do) as I said before Magnus could see very little of her and the only striking feature he could remember (if say someone were to ask him what she looked like) was that she had rather bright yellow hair, not the "blonde" color you may be thinking of but indeed a very bright yellow.

“Please join me in formally welcoming Valya, Barinove”

Strange, Mjolnir didn’t usually give new agents a big fancy welcome.

                                                                      . . .

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57 Reviews

Points: 1837
Reviews: 57

Sun Jun 20, 2021 1:25 am
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Lezuli wrote a review...

Greetings! I am here for a review. To start off with I would like to say that I enjoyed the premise of this story greatly. S.H.A.D.O.W. That is the greatest acronym I have seen in ages. Priceless. I also liked the idea of a chosen one that is annoyed by his role, most people like to portray the reluctant chosen one, so I like the new take.
Now for the good stuff. All I have is some minor grammatical stuff so without further delay, my thoughts.

He threw the harder this time so it would stay.

Okay, so here you have "he threw the" without anything after the. So either add knife or take out the "the".
huh, well I still think there a non-educating boring waste of my time, but your the whos named Shakespeare

Okay, several things here.
1: Your first "there" should be "they're" as in 'they are'.Y
2: "Your" should be "you 're" as in 'you are'.
3: "Whos" should be "who's" as in 'who is".
And this is just general, but you spell Shakespeare without the 'E' at the end so just a friendly note.
as I said before

Here you suddenly switch from a narrator that is outside of Magnus to a narrator that is aware they are a narrator and is a bit off-putting in this setting. So maybe either take this out of commit to that style of storytelling from the beginning, but other than that, I don't see anything else.
I look forward to more of this story! Happy writing and I hope this helps!

Hey thanks for the review! This really helped!

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32 Reviews

Points: 0
Reviews: 32

Sat Jun 19, 2021 4:15 am
TheWarriorMingan wrote a review...

Hello, MythMaster!

First of all, I think that you have a really great idea for a story, and I can't wait to see how this plays out! Here are my thoughts:

Thunk, the knife stabbed into the ceiling again before falling back out, being caught by the owner, and being thrown back into the roof, over and over again.

Here, the word 'thunk' didn't sound quite right.
why did everyone see him as some Harry Potter character?

Please, don't just make another HP fanfic. This fantasy/real world (I'm assuming) story doesn't need to be bogged down with magic.

I just want to remind you not to forget to capitalize the beginnings of your sentences, and don't forget to end them with a period.

Overall, I think this chapter is well written, there were smooth transitions, and I will definitely come back for the second part!

-Truly, Mingan

Follow your heart, and nothing can go wrong. (concerning writing)

hey, thanks for the review @TheWarriorMingan

and as for the HP thing, no I've been really trying to make sure this doesn't look like a fanfic or knockoff, though that being said, there are
going to some superpowers

That's cool!

"The rules of capitalization are so unfair to the words in the middle of a sentence."
— John Green, Paper Towns