Hi Harry,
Mailice back again with a short review!
We get closer and closer to the goal, only to realise that we are taking our steps on a treadmill. It's a very leisurely pace at the moment and again I like how you manage to use logic to solve the puzzle. It's definitely comprehensible and achievable for the reader.
But what I really like so far is how you're doing the POV from Terry so far in this chapter. Since he's only the appendage of the duo so far to make a trio in the first place, I think there's more to it and you can take his thoughts very seriously there when it comes to what he's making assumptions himself. Because in the section I think it's strange that we don't see more of Harry, but at the same time it gives me this strange feeling that there's something wrong. Terry seems to be working towards finding the solution himself and hopefully won't start snatching something out from under their noses. Is this possibly a big mistake that Johnson has made? Or even a mistake that they arrested Terry?
Other points I noticed while reading:
"Lands and Plans. Lands and plans. That just reminds me of maps. Or possibly history. Maybe it has something to do with it. I mean there probably isn't a section for maps but there must be a history section in here," said Terry.
Strange library that it doesn't even have a section for maps. Isn't that usually included in the history section?
Getting the message, Terry began moving through the shelves, looking for the section marked "History".
The section was located right in the center of the large library, and the entire section appeared to be empty at the moment. I guess no one wants to read about history.
First of all, it's really sad that no one is interested in history any more! Secondly, I think you changed the scene too quickly here, where they decided to go into the department. I think you're not the type to give long descriptions and present everything in every detail, but rather to try to connect the descriptions with the interactions of the characters. You could do that here, for example, to make the transition more fluid. Maybe Terry bangs into someone as he opens up, or notices a book with a rainbow cover peeking out, etc....
Have fun writing!
Mailice
Points: 0
Reviews: 1232
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