z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

King of the Court [Chapter 8]

by yosh


A/n: This is one of the chapters that I would call . . . an in-between chapter. It's made as a buffer between two big points of the story as to slow down the pacing. There is some revealing of character to the reader, but not much, so please enjoy this relaxing chapter of Chris screaming negative thoughts!

Chris watches as Alex weaves and spins past defender after defender.

No one can stop him.

No one.

How can Chris even compare to Alex? Chris is just a casual, recreational player. How could he even begin to compare to Alex?

I shouldn't even try to be the King of the Court, thinks Chris,  because Alex already is.

Truly, Alex is just a monster. A monster that is much too powerful for a team like this. Alex needs to play on national level-- with the strongest players from the strongest schools.

He doesn't need to meddle around with weaklings like me. We're just a burden to him.

Chris shakes his head. I need to stop thinking like that

Colin passes the ball to Chris. Bewildered, he takes a shot. It bounces off the rim melodramatically, but very high. He sighs. Another rebound for the other team.

But like a clap of thunder, Dwayne flies up and snatches the rebound from the Weird-Hair.

"We're nowhere near finished yet!" Dwayne screams, and even though Chris is resolving that he needs to have a talk with Dwayne about screaming volume, Chris smiles, too.

Of course, the ball is immediately stolen from Dwayne, but that's not important.

Their point guard dribbles down the side of the court, finally wary of Alex, whose eyes are pinned on the ball.

The point guard feints to the side, but Alex closely follows, and lunges forward. Alex steals the ball and starts down the side again.

Alex and Dwayne play furiously well. Of course, Dwayne makes equally as many mistakes as he does something good, but he makes up for it with his encouraging shouts.

The game, however, is ultimately lost.

Alex and Dwayne are huffing and puffing as they collapse on the chairs and drink their water. Why do they try so hard? thinks Chris, It's just a practice game. It was obvious we were going to lose!

Even worse, Chris has to high-five everybody on the other team. It's such a stupid rule. There is no sportsmanship involved in basketball. Either you lose or you don't. The high-fives are more like rubbing their victory in Chris' face.

"Hey, you five," calls Jacob, "Come over here."

The five of them trudge up to Jacob like stray cats in the rain.

"You all did great," says Jacob, "But I noticed a lot of places where you all can improve."

Chris hates it when Jacob acts silly, but he hates it even more when Jacob acts all grown-up.

"We know that!" shouts Chris, "We know that we suck, okay?"

"You said 'we'," murmurs Dwayne.

"What?"

Dwayne grins, "You said 'we'. We're with you now. Your attitude is different from before."

"Shut up, you shorty," growls Chris.

"Now, now," Jacob smiles, "I have lots of things to talk about with you guys. First and foremost, Alex, I would love to see your little ability there able to last longer, because the problem today was that the game was already basically decided when you reached full power."

Alex nodded, "Like Dwayne said before, I'm working on my stamina as much as I can."

"Good," Jacob turns to Spencer and Colin, "You two have just as much talent as everyone here except for Alex,"--hearing this, Alex flushed--,"So you two can do just as well as Dwayne and Chris. Just need to work on getting relaxed. You're playing too stiff.

Colin shakes, "I'm sorry. They were just too scary. I didn't research enough on the stress and intimidation of playing basketball."

Alex places a hand on Colin's shoulder, "Don't research anything about it. All you need to do is trust us and play the best you can."

Spencer is silent, but also seems slightly proud. [i]Probably because Jacob said he's as good as the rest of us,[/i] thinks Chris.

Jacob stares at Dwayne, "Dwayne . . . you're the most interesting player here. Since you're short compared to your teammates, it looks a little funny that you're playing center, but i've never seen anyone as good at center in seventh grade as you. Good work. You should probably practice your ball handling technique, though."

"And me?" Chris inquires.

"You didn't play enough," dismisses Jacob, "I didn't see much of you."

Chris can feel the creases forming on his forehead. He can feel the anger boiling within him.

But he holds it in. Chris decides he will be the example of self-control.

"You guys should practice. The tournaments will be starting in a week!" grins Jacob, "Go, go, go!"

Despite the circumstances, Chris smiles. He knows he is going to enjoy playing basketball with these guys.

"All right. We may not look like it yet, but someday, Marble Creek will be the King of the Court!" shouts Chris. The rest of them cheer, and Chris can feel the companionship emanating from all of them. And Chris truly believes they can win the tournament.

Until a week later, when he finds out which team they're playing first.


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Mon May 24, 2021 1:59 pm
Plume wrote a review...



Hey there! Plume here (back again) with another review!!

I really liked this installment of your work!! Seeing Chris's thoughts was certainly very interesting, and I think you really succeeded in bringing more depth to his character. The end of the game was super interesting to read about as well, and I'm so curious to find out what team they're playing first!!

One thing I really enjoyed about this section was the developments we learned about Chris. I really liked the beginning, especially, where we got a view on Alex from an outsider's perspective. I feel like it really made him into this basketball deity, and only further enforced his dedication to the sport.

I also think that part at the end where Jacob brushes off Chris because he didn't play enough was super interesting. I think Chris's reaction shows just how much his character has changed. Before, I feel like he might've lashed out/clapped back, but I really loved how you had him demonstrate restraint when it came to that. It's some really great indirect character development.

Honestly, I feel like this whole chapter was a testament to how you can both write action moments super well, but you can also build up character development really well.

Specifics

It bounces off the rim melodramatically.


I'm not sure that "melodramatic" is the right word to use here. It usually refers to like, exaggerated emotion especially in a theater piece, and I'm not sure how much emotion a ball bouncing off the rim would stir in people. I feel like dramatically would be a better word to use here, which would accurately display the point of high action without the emphasis on emotion.

"So you two can do just as well as Dwayne and Chris. Just need to work on getting relaxed. You're playing too stiff.


Just a tiny thing, but you forgot the quotation marks after "stiff."

Overall: nice work! I really enjoyed seeing your story develop even more, and, like I said before, I'm super excited to read the next part. Until next time!!




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Tue Apr 20, 2021 6:12 pm
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Yoshikrab,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

Quick note on your post: the link didn't work for me. Maybe it works for others and I'm just a magnet for something like that not working. :D

For an in-between chapter (or filler as I would call it), I found that quite a bit happened already, and it also gave me new insights into the characters. I especially liked how you could see two sides of Chris again, showing that he's not just hollow and bearish.

But I also have to say that the first half ended a little too hastily for me. In the last chapters you raised the tension at the game or other moments with your short sentences, which I thought was good. Here, however, I felt that it was a bit hectic. I was left breathless at some points. :D
But maybe it was because you did Chris's thought processes in between, which for me are like a stopwatch where time stands still and then it resumes. Maybe I'm just a bit weird, but that's how I felt about it. :D

I shouldn't even try to be the King of the Court[/i], thinks Chris, because Alex already is.


I think this is one of the first, if not the first, moments where Chris has to admit that Alex is good and maybe here he finally sees why Alex extended the one year. Alex is really obsessed with the idea of winning.

Truly, Alex is just a monster. A monster that is much too powerful for a team like this. Alex needs to play on national level-- with the strongest players from the strongest schools.


That was the point where I thought of filler when I read that, and the manga One Piece immediately came to mind where everyone is called monster for their power. :D But actually what I want to know here is if it's right that it was written that way and not as a thought process by Chris? If not, it's fine, because I think Chris would be letting himself deviate too much from his actual character with that comment. After all, here is :

[i]He doesn't need to meddle around with weaklings like me. We're just a burden to him.


Described how he sees himself as a burden and it immediately occurred to me that Chris now sees Alex a bit like his brother; he wants to be noticed but also to outdo him. But here he shows the realisation that he still has to work on himself. His next sentence in particular supports my thesis that he now wants to prove it to everyone and I also like the way you let it show in the next paragraph how it comes to the rebound.

Why do they try so hard?[/i] thinks Chris, It's just a practice game. It was obvious we were going to lose!


I also like this point very much, because it shows how Chris was still motivated before, but now tries to cut down the loss so as not to be too disappointed.

The five of them trudge up to Jacob like stray cats in the rain.


I like your description here, but would think Alex and Dwayne in particular would join as stragglers, as they are still drinking and still exhausted.

I really like that Dwayne also realises that Chris has changed. I just realise I've been focusing too much on Chris here. :D
I liked the second part with Jacob and I also thought you did a good job of reflecting the mistakes of the crew through hin without meaning it badly.

I see this filler chapter a bit like a point of no return. The team must now show that it wants to move forward. I think it will be difficult for you to make it convincing in the next chapters without the team suddenly winning everything. I am very curious to see how you want to present that.

I don't know why the italic function suddenly doesn't work for you anymore, even though it is used correctly? Take a look at the text, it's probably displayed correctly again in the quotes her in the review. :D
That's a funny problem... I once had a hyperlink in a text and didn't know how that happened...

All in all, I thought the chapter was good. It wasn't the fastest in terms of story in my opinion, but you mentioned that at the beginning. I think it's also good that this chapter was included because after the match in the previous chapters, it's a bit of a "come down" for the reader. And I really enjoyed seeing Chris change.

Keep up the good work and have fun writing!

Mailice.




yosh says...


Thank you for the review!

Here's the thing about the code . . . I don't write my stories ON yws, but any time I try to copy-paste, all the formatting like italics and bolds are removed. That's why when i write on other places, i use the bbcode prefixes and stuff. The problem is, when you're posting a work, bbcode isn't supported, so sometimes if forget to change the bbcode and it shows up here.

Again, thanks for the review! Yeah, it WILL be hard to make the team start winning, but then again . . . I have a few things planned. >:)

-yoshi




Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
— Plato