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I want to be a stone!

by ForeverYoung299



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Fri Sep 24, 2021 1:30 pm
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Forever,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

This was an extremely interesting poem on the first read through. I was very surprised at the simplicity that emerges here at first glance, and noticed on the next read-through that there is a kind of change as you read on.

You notice this very clearly in your change from the second to the third paragraph, where the initial tone, which I will now describe as "petulant", has changed to a kind of "rebellious". If you read just the first two paragraphs alone, you get the impression that probably everyone has had at some point in their life, just maybe not directly as a rock, but more in the form of "Why can't I be a bird or a dog?" You set this up in an exciting contrast.

With the third paragraph you create a kind of buffer where this "petulant" writing creates itself in the other direction, and as a reader you now have to wonder what happened to create "no one can give me mental pain". I guess the line can't mean much, but still it has this very cruel undertone of abuse in it.

Now where the colour changes to blackness (I don't know if this was an artistic choice) the tone also changes again in a kind of "dance of joy" where the benefits are described. Almost like a song of praise, in the last paragraphs you praise this beauty of being a stone.

In general, I like the tone with which you write here and especially that everything reads very well and fluently (I only found it a little difficult to read the text in the blackness at the beginning) and above all, everything rhymes. I think that gives the whole poem a very relaxed, if still somewhat sombre mood, because of that one line. I think you create a very philosophical conversation with the reader here and give me the impression that it is overall a kind of poem that you might sing at a friends' party. I liked this tone and the - if you don't take it so seriously - very naive presentation.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




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Fri Apr 02, 2021 6:33 pm
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BIHXY wrote a review...



wow! let me start from the rhymes; nothing makes me smile like a poet using rhymes appropriately and beautifully( yes, i smiled). this was deep I'll give you that , I can already tell you must be a person who has lots of chat time with your thoughts, and your writing? flawless. that's what it is!! I am actually thinking about being a stone!(kudos to you for getting into my head!) < insert emoji laughing psychotically> i certainly have a lot to think about now thanks to you so thank you. I absolutely loved this!






Thanks for the review!



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Fri Apr 02, 2021 4:38 pm
MapleWay wrote a review...



Hey there! MapleWay here dropping by with a quick review!

This poem hits hard. The font and color changes were super gripping and I liked the rhyme scheme a lot! I honestly wouldn't change anything. Keep up the great NaPo poems! You are doing absolutely fantastic! :D Also, I have one question. How did you make it so that there was no gap between the two pictures? In my poem, Bittersweet. I couldn't get it to work. if you could please let me know that would be great! And could you tag me when you release any of your NaPo poems?

- MapleWay






Thanks for the review. I will tag u. I guess that gap is not that clear due to the change in color. If the two colours were same, then it would have been visible



MapleWay says...


Ah, that makes sense!




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