Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » General

you aren't the one i'm mourning

by SilverNight

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
51 Reviews

Points: 1369
Reviews: 51

Wed Jun 23, 2021 5:02 pm
View Likes
waywardxwallflower wrote a review...

Silver. I'm sitting here with my mouth wide open in pure, unadulterated awe. This poem is absolutely incredible, haunting, mournful - perfectly written.

The repetition of the word "somewhere" creates a longing, yearning tone in this poem, and the fact that what you're longing for is a chance to bury all these people - it's a whiplash, and immediately draws in the reader.

Every word is so precisely chosen and fits in wonderfully with the rest of the poem to create a story. The reader can't help but wonder what on earth led the narrator to this place, a lovely sense of mystery that is furthered as the poem goes on.

Honestly, no words I say can possibly encapsulate how this poem made me feel. It's absolutely haunting and incredible. GREAT job.

SilverNight says...

Thank you for your review! I'm really glad you liked it.

User avatar
66 Reviews

Points: 68
Reviews: 66

Tue Jun 22, 2021 9:08 pm
View Likes
Buranko wrote a review...

Hi SilverNight, Buranko here to read and review some poetry. No long introductions so here we go

Your poem while dealing with the idea of death and ephemerality lacks the usual feeling behind such poems. It is weirdly calming.

It opens up with a perfect line that deals with acceptance and a little grief. The uncertainty, marked by words like somewhere and handfuls, helps the person behind the words to cope with death. While there is some reluctance regarding the departure of the dead, the ultimate feeling is acceptance of a state that can't be controlled.

The next stanza clarifies the reasons behind such a cold-ish indifference towards death with a direct message to the reader. The person assures everyone, with confidence, that he/she will never dig any grave. The reason for this confidence is a mystery, one that is both intriguing and also offering a degree of comfort.

Great poem, good use of words, images and ideas. You link the lines in a smooth way, not leaving any detail out and using them to the full extent of their capacity. Good job!

SilverNight says...

Thank you for the review! c:

User avatar
19 Reviews

Points: 83
Reviews: 19

Tue Jun 22, 2021 12:39 am
View Likes
ArctiWolf wrote a review...

This is a very touching and well-written poem. I can almost see myself burying something but I'm not sure what.

and every moment I've loved matter,

I'm not sure what this specific line means, I can almost grasp it and yet I can't. This poem is so intricately woven.

The last three lines I find especially interesting. In the beginning, you almost mislead the reader as you actually give a totally different meaning at the ending. The poem seems like it would be about the death of something and yet at the end, you realize it's actually almost the exact opposite.

I really liked this poem in all its elaborate glory. I'll have to go read some of your other stuff sometime. I look forward to seeing what you do next! Until then, happy writing!

SilverNight says...

Thank you for the review! I'm grateful for the feedback. c:

ArctiWolf says...

Your welcome, I'm actually about to publish a new thing myself so feel free to read it!

SilverNight says...


ArctiWolf says...

And done, you can find it easily on the front page of my profile.

User avatar
184 Reviews

Points: 5397
Reviews: 184

Tue Jun 22, 2021 12:02 am
View Likes
veeren says...

this is lovely <33

SilverNight says...

eek thank you <33

User avatar
307 Reviews

Points: 30625
Reviews: 307

Mon Jun 21, 2021 5:08 pm
View Likes
Plume wrote a review...

Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

This poem was so striking and gorgeous. As someone who has suffered a familial loss recently, I found that I could really relate to this poem. Your lovely imagery and the length of the poem really contributed to a sort of mourning feeling as well. It was a very somber affair and felt like an internal eulogy. It was really quite beautiful.

I think one thing I found exceptional was the perspective you took within the poem. I feel that during the grieving process, you mostly grieve the person who has passed, because, you know, it's what you're supposed to do. This poem, from the title to the actual content, seems to be taking the grieving a step further. The way I interpreted it was that along with the mourning for the person, the narrator is mourning their aftereffects. They're mourning for the way that mourning the person has changed them, from how feelings and happiness, in a way, go to die when someone else does. It very much had the energy of the quote "funerals aren't for the dead, they're for the living."

Also, the way you used the language definitely conveyed a sense of being stuck. I think the lines in the first stanza were accurately portrayed as a sort of longing on the part of the narrator who just perhaps wants to be over the grieving process, but can't because of some reason. Maybe it's a mental block of some sort? And the last line especially drove it home, with the "graves I will never dig" helping to convey that sort of wanting to move on and to bury feelings and memories but not being able to.

I also really enjoyed your title. It was what first caught my eye in the green room, and it has definitely lived up to my expectations. It ties in very well with the body of the poem itself, and both of them carry the same tone, which is almost bitter and melancholy while still having just a touch of being done with life. It's really incredible how you can convey so much in such a short work.

Overall: really lovely poem! It was a somber joy to read, and I really hope I can read more of your work in the future. Hopefully my review was worth it to read; I'm not the best at reading poetry and offering feedback. Until next time!!

SilverNight says...

Plume!! I am honored xD

Don't worry, this was a great review and I loved seeing your thoughts! Thank you for sharing what this meant to you. I'm really sorry to hear about your recent loss, though, and I hope you start feeling better soon. You're doing awesome, Plume, keep it up!! <3

The mind of man is capable of anything - because everything is in it, all the past as well as all the future.
— Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness