Young Writers Society

I love your dragon art so muuuch. They always make me so happy to see, and this one is just so vibrant and beautiful. <3 <3 <3

So omg the fact that we're now flashing back to the beginning of book one makes me so happy. It's been a while since I've revisited those memories (aside from Nira) and I actually didn't catch on right away that he was flashing back to the original problem that took out his tribe. But I'm glad that we ARE revisiting this because it's reminding the readers why Zoltar is even on this adventure to begin with and why it affects him so much, why he's so determined and why he feels so much pressure to save his tribe and find them a new home.

I TOTALLY had a feeling the wind talons were going to be nicer. They were really polite in allowing him to land on his own and walk along side them. There's more trust involved, like they give dragons the benefit of the doubt. For this reason, I can totally see how the ice talon kingdom were allowed to step all over them; but I'm also really happy to see that there's still goodness in this conflict. c:

Your imagery was so on point again, I just love your descriptions here. It was probably the biggest reason why the narration read so well. I'm really ready for some action or dialogue to help speed things along. Despite the references to the first book, I'm still getting strong deja vu of how they were imprisoned in book two as well, so I'm looking forward to something that makes this book (or third part) stand out on its own.

My memory is foggy, but I believe they still have the lightning stone on them. Since they're prisoners though, wouldn't the guards have a process for ensuring that all "pockets were emptied"? Like they know how dragons can carry items and, therefore, store potential weapons or tools that could help them escape, so I feel like they'd find the lightning diamond on him before throwing him into the cell. At... which point, Zoltar would be in deep doodoo 'cause he'll promptly look like a threat (if he didn't already by being with Felistia XD).

Also, I hope they're tending to Felistia's wounds. Imagine, despite being enemies, they still care about life itself and would help her -- assuming I'm correct. I guess they could be torturing her too or taking her to the queen immediately upon arrival or something -- yeeeeah, maybe I'm giving the wind talons the benefit of the doubt. YOU BETTER BE NICE TO HER.

I just really liked that Zoltar was getting flashbacks to the start. I'm just really happy you did that and are bringing the original story back to the forefront, and also giving him another weakness here too. He's clearly still scarred by the event -- I'm sure it's very difficult to get over that kind of event honestly -- and it makes him feel more "human," if you will. Easy to relate to. I thought it felt goofy when he was freaked out by complete darkness when he probably has the best nightvision in the entire mountain right now, but I do like that he was getting flashbacks as a result of his environment. The inside of a mountain, I'm sure, looks a lot like every other inside of a mountain. XD

Looking forward to next chapterrr! Be nice to Felistia plz i love her too much thx

Just stopping by to say I love the illustrations & map you've added to your chapters; they look great and are really special additions. Great idea!

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm back.

First Impression: Some wonderful descriptions in this one. I like how this has so little dialogue but the visuals tell such a compelling story by themselves. Its a really well done chapter in that regard. You almost never see descriptions used for anything more than just setting the scene but here it does such a wonderful job. I feel like we are really building a ton of tension here for when we meet this queen and we are also getting a nice read on the Wind Talons as a species.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Zoltar’s ears filled with the rush of water surging down channels carved into the palace’s marble walls. The spray was tinged a fiery pink in the dying light as the streams converged together to form two roaring waterfalls cascading down either side of the outcrop extending from the palace.

Zoltar’s legs were still weak under him as his captor swooped in to make a landing. He braced himself for the drop and inevitable crushing blow that would follow, but was surprised when the Wind Talon didn’t just release him. Instead he seemed to hover, waiting for him to find his footing before letting go.

His momentary confusion was broken by the sight of Felistia’s limp body being flown down to another level. He hobbled over to the edge as fast as he could in his chains, watching as the Wind Talons carrying her disappeared into another cave.

A flash of movement caught Zoltar’s attention and he turned to see what seemed to be the lead Wind Talon, stride up to him. He began unhooking some of Zoltar’s chains, allowing him to walk.

Even in the Ice Talon Palace, Zoltar had heard the coming and goings of palace life while he and Felistia were in their cell.

This place felt deserted almost, the once jeweled pillars now empty of their treasures and the unkempt marble floors etched with scratches from years of frantic talons rushing to and fro.

Even through the nausea gripping his stomach, Zoltar felt a brush of comfort upon seeing the stones. He hadn’t seen them since he’d left the Shadow Lands and it was somehow calming to see something from home.

He couldn’t stay down here, not without light. Being able to see out had been one of the only things that had kept him sane while in the Ice Talon prison. The thought of being trapped in a small space, in the dark was almost more than he could bare.

Zoltar tried to wrap his wings over his head, only stopped by the chains as he tried to block out the memory of the wails and cries that had filled that terrible night.

He knew now, he’d known back then already, that no one within a twenty mile radius had survived. Anyone out in the open had been almost instantly killed, incinerated by the blast. Those trapped in their caves, including his brother, had soon followed.