I love your writing so much.Are you going to write more after this prologue? Are you?? Are u?
No offence, sorry. I just am so energetic.
P.S Sorry if it is hard to understand. I am not English speaker.
She’s talking, but I can’t hear her over the racing of my heart. I’m submerged a hundred feet underwater and I can’t reach the surface. Trapped in a flaming building with nobody to save me.
I look at Molly. Her cheeks are flushed with pride, and she’s smiling.
Smiling.
“Do you like it?”
No. No, I don’t. I stare up at her, thinking she's better than this. She must be better than this.
“Is this a joke?” I say.
He eyebrows draw together. “No, Paris. It’s a fiddle.”
I glance down at it. The wood perfectly stained and lacquered. Slots carved into the body to let the music out. Neck dark and perfect. Something flares inside me. “Yeah, I can tell.”
Her mouth still holds the ghost of a smile. How is she still smiling?
I pierce her with a glare. “What is wrong with you?”
“Don’t you like it?” The smile’s gone. But I’m sure she’s still laughing on the inside.
So I lash out. “Oh, yeah. Me and my arm are going to have a grand old time figuring out how to play this.”
She draws back, hurt. “I thought you would like it.”
“Molly, I have one arm. That makes it a little hard to appreciate it. What do you want me to do, hang it on my wall?”
She looks at me, taken aback for a second.
I’ve had a single arm since three months ago, when the airplane crashed. The crash took the entire left arm (I'm a leftie. Who knew?). It killed Mom too, and it’s hard to tell which one hurts more.
I shake my head, still looking up at Molly. Shame veils her face.
Somewhere within her, she finds the nerve to speak. “No, you can play it,” she says quietly.
“Yeah. Let me just—“ I pick it up, and nest it on my shoulder. “And suddenly beautiful music will burst dramatically from it right when I start to doubt myself. Because that’s what always happens, isn’t it?”
She stares, mute.
“Isn’t it?”
We sit in uncomfortable silence for a second, and then Molly's face lights up. “Oh! I would have thought they'd tell you already!"
I gape. What could possibly go more wrong than it has today?
“You’re getting a new arm.”
I love your writing so much.Are you going to write more after this prologue? Are you?? Are u?
No offence, sorry. I just am so energetic.
P.S Sorry if it is hard to understand. I am not English speaker.
Ooh hi! Been forever since I did a review but here we are!!
So one thing I see about the MC: she's suffering from trauma from the airplane accident which cost her her arm and her mother...now she's going to get a new arm! I originally thought Molly was a pretty not-nice friend about the fiddle and then we learn about the MC getting a new arm! I imagine it's a prosthetic arm?
I like the dialogue! It feels quite natural to me. No one seems to going all stiff and formal which is a pet peeve for me in dialogue (who talks like that except for stuffy fantasy nobles!) One thing that bothers me though is why Molly didn't realize that Paris didn't hear the news yet...and also why was Molly told the news ahead of her? I mean since it's PARIS getting the arm I thought she has the right to know first! But lol communication mishaps happen quite frequently in fiction so maybe it just ramps the conflict! Like is there a reason why she wasn't told before?
One thing I would like to see in future chapters is that although Paris does get an another arm, it's not like getting her left arm back...okay maybe I shouldn't say it that way because that sounds kind of mean but what I mean is that I don't want to see a magical cure for a disability because that trope is not very nice.../ramble I'm sure you won't do that because this appears to be a contemporary! And besides given that I'm an able-bodied person I probably shouldn't say much about this...so take with a grain of salt...
I'm excited to see how Paris will play the fiddle and (I hope) improve because that would be awesome! I feel like this is a good setup to the story with characters, conflict (you might need a bit more setting though!) and I'm definitely hooked! but I also wonder why it's a prologue because it seems to be a chapter 1 and the new arm being kind of like an inciting incident? I sound kinda negative but in all truths, I enjoyed reading this a lot! Like I said, I'm intrigued so great job!
Let me know if you need something!
-Ink
Wow, this story is amazing, I love it. You pack so much into it but illustrate it so beautifully. I like how u start without telling the reader that she doesn't have a left arm and the expressive dialogue between the characters. The description of the fiddle is also well-done, I reallllly like it. There were some parts that I found confusing, like, in the beginning, what's happening? is she embarrassed and that's why she's in a burning building, but also drowning? Is it just a dramatic entrance to your story? And then, when you are talking about the crash and how Paris doesn't know what hurts more, it seemed off. Like, I get you're comparing the loss of her arm to the loss of her mother, but in that instance, it sounds like you're saying the physical pain of losing her arm was comparable to the pain of her mother in her death. I'm sorry if that doesn't make sense, oof, but it's hard to put into words lol. But other than that, it was a magnificent story and I absolutely adore the simplicity u craft it with, and I would lovvve to hear more about Paris and her new arm!!
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