Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Halfway point!!! Also damn this race is heating up.
First Impression: And just when I thought this couldn't get any more complicated you prove me wrong. But fear not for I love complicated plots.
Okay, getting right to it,
“Are we there yet?” Audrey asked Ujalaa. She shook her head no. “Why don’t you talk? Are you not allowed to?” Ujalaa looked at Audrey with raised brows. That kept her quiet.
Later you mention they're just helpers and not slaves so why would they not be allowed to speak or is there some other reason behind that?
To the right was a huge bed - bigger than a king-sized one - with silk sheets and a gold-embroidered blanket that looked softer than a fluffy kitten. There were dozens of plush pillows all embroidered with gold as well. The headboard was made of oak wood too, and there were intricate carvings on it.
Audrey walked forward and touched the wood, dancing her index finger along the curves of each design.
Will went the opposite way, to the dresser. That, as well, was made of oak wood. There were three drawers, and each of them had carvings on them too. And when Will opened the first one, it was full of perfumes, creams, brushes, et cetera. He closed it and looked into the second one. Full of clothes. Next one? Clothes.
This is a lovely description except you should probably remove that et cetera because it makes the description seems a bit rushed like you wanted to mention a bunch of things then got bored halfway through.
“There’s a closet right there. I checked it out. Walk-in.” Audrey smiled brightly. “It’s great, and all our clothes are there too!” She led him into the walk-in closet and his eyes widened.
“Neat.” he said coolly, running his hands through the hung-up clothes.
“I’m so happy!” Audrey laughed, throwing her hands around Will’s neck, and planting a kiss on his cheek. “I’m alive, we’re under a roof, and I’m with you.”
Will was shocked at first because it was rare for Audrey to hug and kiss. But he smiled anyway and hugged her back. They stayed like that for a while, enjoying each other’s company before they left the closet.
“What now?” Will asked.
“There’s a bathroom there.” she pointed behind her. “We can freshen up, find food and then sleep for a while. Even saying the word feels so relaxing.”
Will gave her a peck on her cheek. "Love you." he whispered.
"I don't like being so cheesy." Audrey mocked her husband's voice.
They laughed.
I can smell the cheese there. But seriously this is some excellent dialogue. These two characters are being developed really well.
When Will saw their hands brush together and Audrey smile, he felt a strong burning in his chest. He shoved his hand in between theirs and snatched up air. Following Audrey’s actions, he bit into the air over his hand and tasted… Everything you would taste in an English Breakfast mixed together. Will grabbed more air and continued eating. And he didn’t care how dumb he looked.
On the other hand, Audrey had tasted lobster with the perfect amount of heat and spices. She licked her lips and grinned at Akol who was watching the couple. Audrey felt uncomfortable under his piercing gray gaze but she continued eating anyway.
*feels the urge to conduct a midnight rage on the fridge*
*slaps face* Harry you have reviews to write
“It’ll make sense. It’ll come in your dreams. It won’t be scary, but it’ll be like an explanation to whatever is in Pluto.” Akol explained.
Well that's convenient.
Audrey squeezed Will’s hand from under the table. They were both thinking the same thing: No parents.
Audrey's heart skipped a beat.
But neither of them said anything and silently continued with their dinner.
I smell interesting developments in the future.
Overall: It's working pretty good so far. The magic system is still not clear but that's because it hasn't been used enough. The chapters feel a bit too short. If you're going to have one scene per chapter I feel like they'd have to be slightly longer. But the plot, as complicated as it sounds so far, is holding together really well. All in all it's going pretty smoothly.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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