Young Writers Society

Hello there!

this is such a beautiful poem! i absolutely love the flow, its as smooth as flowing silk!
the rhymes are excellent! One thing that stands out is the visuals, how you illustrate scenes using your words. Your writing is a visual treat.

"My tired bones rest gladly on the forest floor,

Hidden with the secrets of the ancient trees.

Free I lay from a world of war,

Here my soul can be at ease."
This passage is wonderful and soulful. the secrets of the ancient trees is a wonderful line.

"As I disappear beneath the grasses’ sway." this is such a beautiful line too. Once again, i love the imagery.

"And many cry and fill with woe

At the news of the girl who had no legacy

But an unknown end is not a foe

Rather, a peace that would spark jealousy."

The ending is really nice too, the girl who had no legacy is a curious line.

I really like your poem. Keep up the good work! hope to read more from you in the future

Much love,
Zaibae

Hello wafflewolf7! I enjoyed reading this poem, I loved your imagery and that subtle 'trapped in a fey world' vibe that you managed to incorporate (not sure if that is what you intended but its something I noticed). I particularly liked your eerie yet mystic description of being engulfed by nature and how you found a new spin on the phrase 'vines creeping up on...', which is something I've never been able to do. another thing that I enjoyed was how your rhymes didn't seem dry or forced and instead flowed seamlessly. overall, I found your poem quite enchanting and it was a pleasure to read.

Hey, there! Nice poem. I like the mental pictures you create with your wording. It shows a unique beauty. The whole thing gives an idea of a sort of tranquility, and the last stanza has a nice sense of mystery as we realize suddenly that the narrator is not just enjoying the outdoors, but is actually and literally enveloped by the earth and nature. Obviously we all know that this can't really happen, but what good would poetry be if it didn't paint a picture to emphasize some point? I feel like you're showing a person who just refuses to be ruffled by the world's hectic ways and seeks out a place of mental peace until it becomes a part of her and she of it. You've put a nice twist on some thoughts that could be just ordinary if put another way.

The poem is nice, but I found that the flow wasn't as smooth as it maybe could be. I like how you've used consistent rhyming - that is good! However, it seemed like some lines were longer and others shorter, causing an inconsistent feeling. I'm not the best at that myself, but it's something to think about working on. Otherwise, great job! Keep writing!

This is absolutely gorgeous! The imagery is incredible, the piece flows well, and your word choice makes it even better. I love the rhyming; sometimes rhyming in poems sounds forced or too childish, but you did an excellent job with this. It's so immersive and eerie yet mysterious. Keep up the great writing!

This was lovely! Your imagery is just so beautiful. It painted a brilliant picture of a place I would really love to go to right now omg.

The beginning stanza itself felt really strong to me. I was really wrapped up in the scene with this opening verse because it's so descriptive and beautiful. The piece really sets its environment up extremely well, which really sets a strong tone for your piece that helps with the build-up at the end.

It's fun as we read through the poem because we slowly start learning tidbits about this girl, or at least we wonder more and more who she is and what these tidbits mean for her. This girl feels lonely until the flowers make their presence known to her, and there's a moment of questioning her neglected duties that she doesn't seem worried about. Then there's also her mother (who I assume passed away at some point but that's up for interpretation) who ignored her crimes. What kind of crimes were ignored? Who is this girl with responsibility, an absent sense of duty, and a history (however big or small) of crimes? She sounds like a girl who WOULD leave behind at least a small legacy, conflicting with the last stanza, depending on the grandeur of her life accomplishments. It really got me wondering who this girl is and how these all add up together!

And then this EERIE end as she's taken by the earth. I love how this is tied up nicely as it all opens up with this beautiful scene with these beautiful vines entangling themselves with the girl, already hinting at a possible end for the girl. The rest progresses through the girl herself and her emotions until we finally end the entire piece with a revisit to the vines and nature taking her from this world in a mysterious twist of fate.

The piece definitely speaks of a girl who simply wants to let it all go. Whatever she's done in her life, whatever accomplishments or failures she's made, she's quite done and happy to simply walk away into the unknown. The final stanza kinda felt weak, and I'm having a hard time inpointing exactly why. I don't know if it's the wording. I know I was struggling on the "no legacy" part a little bit, but I think it's more the last line. Ending on the note of jealousy seems to immediately introduce a topic that was never touched in the piece. In fact, the entire stanza really introduces themes or details that's never addressed, like other people in her life that do love her and wish her the best. I don't really know, I'm kind of just babblign at this point. It could have ended with the stanza before and I'd have been happy. Maybe this is just prolonging the end? Maybe another reviewer will have a better opinion on it.

Overall, though, I did enjoy this piece. Your imagery is just fantastic and the theme was really strong here. I found myself reading a little too much into who this girl is, but that could be the storywriter in me 'cause I freaking love building characters. A lovely piece you have here. Very beautiful and haunting and mystical in a way!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!