z

Young Writers Society



do you

by soundofmind


A/N: The first line links to a recording I did of the song! Please go listen while you read if you can!

Can you see the stars from here?
Would you be able to breathe if they disappeared?
Can you see yourself in years
Being moved by the sight?
Being moved to tears?

Can you believe?
Can you see me
In your future
With you?

Do you believe in happenstance?
Do you believe we met by chance?
Do you believe it’s meaningless?
‘Cause I believe
We’re meant for this


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
140 Reviews


Points: 249
Reviews: 140

Donate
Fri Mar 15, 2019 6:52 pm
Anma wrote a review...



Hello there Soundofmind!

This is a amazing!

The lyrics themselves are great!

But singing them makes them sound ten times better!

Its wonderful to hear and read. The only thing i really suggest is try not to be so slow at the beginning. I can feel the emotion in the song, the beat goes very well.

The message gets out there,

It flows well.

All i can really say is that and its terrific!

I hope to hear/read more from you!

Sincerely Anma




User avatar
121 Reviews


Points: 110
Reviews: 121

Donate
Sun Feb 17, 2019 5:28 pm
View Likes
manilla wrote a review...



Hi! Manilla here for a review. (I listened to the song, and it's gorgeous!!) Let's get right into it, shall we?

I have zero nitpicks on the flow or word choice, partially because it's a lyrical piece and partially because it's just, well, well-written and good. One comment is that you placed rhymes in some places, but didn't in others, like the first two lines in the last stanza. I wonder why you did this. The middle stanza's lines are shorter compared to the others, and this could be personal thing, but would it fit better at the end?

I love the dreamy, ethereal vibe you produce, with words like "stars" and "happenstance". Please write more songs like this - The lyrics may be simple, but the music takes it to another level.

That's all from me!
-Manilla out




User avatar
616 Reviews


Points: 122617
Reviews: 616

Donate
Wed Feb 13, 2019 8:30 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello soundofmind, FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you on this lovely day.

So let's get right to the review:

So everything in this song was just amazing. Everything just flowed so well together, it made me feel like is was in another world.
And the emotions that went through this song were really powerful, just giving it more meaning. So that's a job well done.
Over all I think your just an amazing writer. But I did see one thing, and If i'm wrong then I'm sorry.

We’re meant for this

With this line I think you just need a full stop at the end of the sentence.

Well that's it from me for today. I would love to be tagged when you post another song. I just love reading them. never stop writing and have a great day/night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix. :D

I used to be Shikora.





Alexa, are there European frat boys
— Carina