z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Marshy The Marshmallow

by MaybeInk


Hey, glad to see you showed up, now listen up, this was originally posted months ago on my abandoned account, CocoaCat, so this is like a re-upload. Also, I want to draw some attention to my blog which I hope to be more active on in this coming year, so make sure to take a look!

ONE LAST THING, Marshy's character is based off of a marshmallow necklace my friend (CorruptedArrow) and I named Marshy the Marshmallow from Marsh-land. Alright, get out of here, go read the story.

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The plastic bag we all lived in was nice and cozy. The bag sat on a shelf where we could watch people pass by with shopping carts. There were other bags around us with other marshmallows, but we were taught to never talk to marshmallows from other bags. Sometimes, a human would take a plastic bag and put it in the cart. The horror! Nobody knows what happens to the Chosen marshmallows. We never see them again.

Our bag has stayed on this shelf for quite some time, forgotten.

There is a stray marshmallow that fell out of a rip in another bag. His name is Bob. He lives…everywhere. He rolls around at night, exploring. Then stays hidden behind bigger objects during the day. Bob said that he heard humans saying that "spring" is over and it's now something called "summer". Bob also said that "summer" is when people buy lots more marshmallows. There has been an eery silence in the plastic bag since Bob told us the news. We used to joke about the humans who walked by, now, we quiver in fear and flinch when they look at us.

Another human was here and she was looking directly at our bag. She took a few steps forward, glancing quickly at something just below us. She reached out and grabbed our bag. There were a couple of shrieks from other marshmallows in the bag. One shriek came from me. This was the end. We would all die now.

Why!?WHY!?

-----

It's been two days. When will the torture end? The humans have picked us up, then tossed us multiple times. We are in a small square thing with flaps on the top. The humans refer to it as a cardboard box. There are long silver sticks and crackers of some sort with chocolate chunks on top of them. The box has been moved a couple times and we've all been quiet. Nobody talks, nobody moves. We're all just sitting here, waiting for it to end. Occasionally another marshmallow breaks down and starts hysterically crying. I wonder if Bob saw what happened to us. What if Bob was taken too? Poor Bob. Poor us. The ground vibrated as a human walked towards us. The human's hands gripped either side of the box and soon we were lifted into the air.

We could hear the humans talking as we were carried to our doom.

"You got the s'mores?"

"Yeah. I can't wait to have some!" the voice came from the human that was carrying us.

S'mores? WHAT WERE THEY GOING TO DO TO US?!

The flaps on the box were open and multiple hands reached in for a silver stick. Another hand reached for the crackers and finally, sombody grabbed our bag. The bag was ripped open and I was taken, along with four other marshmallows.

"Help!"

"Marshy, no!"

"Help us!"

"Ahh!"

"Help me!"

There were so many yelling voices. The humans didn't seem to hear.

One at a time, we were stabbed onto the silver rods. The humans holding the rods walked us to a bright, crackling thing. Heat radiated off of it. It was orange and red and yellow all at the same time. The humans sat on their seats and held the rods above the fire. One of the other marshmallows taken was a female, I think named Aven. She was held directly in the flame while we were above it. She caught on fire, burning to her death. Her shrill screams were cut off by the humans laughter. She fell off the rod and into the base of the fire. Her body shriveled up in the flames. The human went to get another marshmallow. It was a cruel game to see who would survive longer. I was being twirled around, my skin burning slightly. The other humans glanced at me and saying things I didn't understand. I was "perfect", and "golden". My human took me back to the table where the crackers and marshmallows were. The rod that once held Aven now had another marshmallow. My mother.

"Mom!"

"Marshy!"

I was taken off the rod and placed on a chocolate covered cracker. Another cracker was pressed down on top of me. My human turned around to face the fire and walked back to his seat. He raised me to his mouth and I caught a glimpse of my mother, slowly burning to death in the flames, before I was shoved into his mouth.


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9 Reviews


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Mon Mar 25, 2019 5:51 pm
shipra10 wrote a review...



I felt like I was hearing a sad story of a marshmallow from itself. Hahaha. It was good and simple one. You described the scenery vividly. I like the description of Aven's consequences very much. I felt like I was there. So that's really amazing.
But be careful about the grammar. Besides it was quite humorous. Awesome!:)
-Shipra10




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Mon Jan 21, 2019 12:01 am
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Etteim wrote a review...



Hi, MaybeInk.

This was a nice read - it was simple, yet kept my interest throughout the whole thing. I liked how you captivated the fear and anxiety going through the marshmallows after they had gotten captured (or bought I suppose). I give props to you for making me sympathetic towards marshmallows. I never thought I'd see the day.

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Why!?WHY!?


There should be a space between both of the 'why's.

Another hand reached for the crackers and finally, sombody grabbed our bag.


I'm guessing this is a typo, but 'somebody' is misspelled.

Her shrill screams were cut off by the humans laughter.


There should be an apostrophe after 'humans'.

-

Besides those minor grammatical errors, this was really humoring, and I enjoyed it!

-Etteim




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Sat Jan 19, 2019 1:44 am
jster02 wrote a review...



This makes me think of the countless marshmallows I've murdered throughout my life.

I really liked how creative this is. It reminds me of the jokes my friends and I come up with from time to time. (That's how this was made, right?). Anyways, a few suggestions...

The plastic bag we all lived in was nice and cozy. The plastic bag sat on a shelf where we could watch people pass by with shopping carts.


Starting two sentences in a row with "The plastic bag" feels a bit redundant to me. You might want to replace the second one with The bag," or even just "It." I noticed this a couple of times throughout the story, which is why I mentioned it here.

I would also like to comment on the ending. As much as I liked it, it felt a little abrupt. A few more sentences would wrap it up quite nicely. (Maybe describe the feeling of being chewed up?)

Despite my criticisms, I really liked this and hope to see more of your work on the site. See you around!
-Jster




MaybeInk says...


Yeah, we felt the need to name my marshmallow necklace in grade 8, so we took the original option and called him Marshy the Marshmallow (from Marsh-land) except you probably already read it at the top :P. I realized after I published it that the beginning was a little weird. \but I'm glad you liked it :D



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Fri Jan 18, 2019 1:29 am
rosette says...



I remember this story! :P




MaybeInk says...


Yay! :D



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Thu Jan 17, 2019 8:49 am
Fantascifi66 says...



OH MY GOSH POOR MARSHY!!!!
Great story! I really, really loved it, and you're an amazing writer! Keep up the good work!




MaybeInk says...


Aww, thank you so much!



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Thu Jan 17, 2019 4:38 am
SuraikheySuraj wrote a review...



You are very good at narration. The language is very simple and yet very impressive. The way you put all things is appreciable. But there couple of minor mistakes in writing that I would like to point out so your story will become more perfect.
At starting, I think the bag should not sit on the shelf, but should be placed on the shelf, because, the bag is not involved in personification. Secondly, the paragraph in which Bob is introduced, you have used simple present tense or present continuous tense. Like rest of the story I think, there too, you should use simple past tense or past continuous tense, according to demand of the situation. However, these are just friendly suggestions and if I am wrong and you had different things in mind, you are free, of course. I enjoyed your story.
Thank You & Welcome.




MaybeInk says...


I'm glad you liked it, and I should have gone back to edit, buuuuut I'm lazy that way so XD




okay I think I need to grab some nachos
— BluesClues