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Little Red's Return- A Story in 100 Words

by interstella


"I'm not afraid of you," the girl in the hooded cloak said to the wolf. 

"You should be. My uncle was the Big Bad Wolf." he replied. 

"My granny made my cloak from his skins." She rubbed the fur between her fingers.



"Your granny?" His smirk wilted.



"Grannies are the bravest and strongest of hunters.Their bones are too brittle to eat- you get splinters in your tongue." She smiled sweetly, less appetizing by the second.



"You're lucky I'm not hungry." Tail drooping, he slunk into the flora and rested under a gnarled elm. Veganism, he decided, is a healthy and normal lifestyle for a wolf. 


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Mon Mar 25, 2019 2:54 pm
HiddenMask wrote a review...



So first off, I love how this walks the knife edge of being really creepy and surreal, and being hilarious. The simple, clear and precise sentences get the message across with very little description, which is actually one of the hallmarks of fairytale writing. This was extremely well written, I don't have much to say on it. I think what you might change really depends on whether this is going to be creepy or humorous. Personally, I would cut the end bit about veganism, it just doesn't seem to suit the overall slightly creepy tone. Buuut again it depends on what you're going for. I liked the reversal of the roles and change of the original story, I'm a big fan of well-written re-imagined fairytales. The thing that really struck me here was the sparse description and well-written wording. You said it all with the fewest words possible, which is really hard to do, and I applaud you for that. Little things like describing her fingering her cloak after she mentions it's made of the skins of the Big Bad Wolf, and especially her sentence about grannies being the strongest of hunters. This sort of feels like a cutscene from a bigger, longer piece of work detailing Red Riding Hood's later adventures, which personally I'd love to see. However, I love this piece for it's simplicity and fairytale-style writing.




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Sun Dec 30, 2018 9:00 pm
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hiraeth wrote a review...



Hi interstellar!

This is Hiraeth here for a review.

So like others before me have already stated, this WAS hilarious. Reversal of roles, eh? Looks like big bad wolf's kin couldn't live up to his name (though if we think about it, that's probably better for the wolf as Uncle Big Bad wolf ended up dead).

I take it that the girl's granny here is Little red riding hood herself? If so, I love how you've connected everything in this 100-word short story- achieving this much in such less lines is no less than genius' work. I love how bad-ass and confident our girl seems here (just shows evolution is always for the better).

Also, here:
" 'My granny made my cloak from his skins.' She rubbed the fur between her fingers."
I like how she seems to be mocking the wolf here, almost making fun of him when she emphasizes her words by rubbing her fur cloak.

And then, like the rest of my fellow reviewers here, i must admit you had me smiling at the last line (because hey, when has veganism and wolf ever been in the same sentence?). So poor wolves, good luck on a vegan diet, you just made it easier for our grannies to hunt you down (for your skin!)

So, i conclude by repeating myself: this is an awesome piece; keep writing, keep making us laugh.

Image




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Sun Dec 30, 2018 8:24 pm
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Liberty says...



Hiiii intersella!

It's me! Liberty500 for a review!!!

This was quite humorous!:D

Onto the review -> The story seems incomplete. The beginning starts randomly. The end was very funny, "Veganism" was the perfect word!

I know your story was supposed to be 100 words, but if it was more, then you could have added a more explained beginning part. :D

Your humor stories are great interstella!

Keep on writing!

~Liberty500




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Sun Dec 30, 2018 8:24 pm
Liberty wrote a review...



Hiiii intersella!

It's me! Liberty500 for a review!!!

This was quite humorous!:D

Onto the review -> The story seems incomplete. The beginning starts randomly. The end was very funny, "Veganism" was the perfect word!

I know your story was supposed to be 100 words, but if it was more, then you could have added a more explained beginning part. :D

Your humor stories are great interstella!

Keep on writing!

~Liberty500




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Sat Dec 29, 2018 9:29 pm
Gnomish wrote a review...



Ha!
This was hilarious! I loved how simple it was, and the last sentence was perfect! The only criticism I have to say is that your spacing was off. I'm not sure whether it was on purpose, but it's a bit confusing. The fourth line is way lower than the first three, and way higher than the fifth. The distance between the fifth and sixth is the same.
Well then. The story was great, I really enjoyed it!




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Fri Dec 14, 2018 1:25 am
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Horisun says...



Awsome. I loved the interactions between the wolf and girl. Found that hilarious! I do think some of the wording could be tweaked, but that's my only complaint!




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Tue Dec 04, 2018 12:59 am
AmadeusW wrote a review...



Haha. This was definitely a fun one. I like how you referenced the original story and kind of gave it a sequel with the next generation. This, I would say, is quite witty. Is it exactly 100 words? Perfect length for this. Sometimes a short short story is most fun to read, because it allows the reader to enjoy a brief snippet of a moment, and, in this case, get a good laugh. I like the subtle humour in this. I will definitely remember this story.




interstella says...


Thanks so much for the feedback! For the record, I may have cheated a little since posting it- it's juuust over 100 words. 100-ish word stories are my favorite because it's a challenge to see how much you can fit into a tiny blurb :) Plus, it's a puzzle for your brain.



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Mon Dec 03, 2018 8:01 pm
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notmaria wrote a review...



Hello!
I really love this. It's short, simple, and I know how hard it is to write something this short. :) Best of all, it was actually funny!
I have just a few things that I noticed could be improved.
First: "said the the girl in the hooded cloak to the wolf"- The phrasing sounds a bit awkward in my head. Alternatively, you could say "the girl in the hooded cloak said to the wolf". This breaks up the description of the girl and the who she's directing it to, putting the action and the person she's acting towards together in the sentence. All it does is improve the clarity.
Second: In the third line, I would change "its" to "the", just so it sounds more like an object and less like a sentient being. It's just another one of those things that makes it less awkward to read.
Third: Is there a word that you could use instead of shaggy? It doesn't really fit the tone of the piece.
Fourth: "Splinters in your tongue." is a sentence fragment. I understand that you're mirroring real speech, but there is a way to use punctuation to make it a complete sentence. For example, you could break up "Their bones are too brittle to eat" and "Splinters in your tongue" with either a dash or a semicolon.
That's it! These are all just stylistic choices, so you could ignore everything I just said and your story would still be fine. These only improve the flow/tone of the story. Great work!




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Mon Dec 03, 2018 8:00 pm
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notmaria says...



I love this!




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Mon Dec 03, 2018 4:15 pm
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niteowl wrote a review...



Hi there interstella! Niteowl here to leave a quick review. Since this piece is so short, I'm going to have to get nit-picky, but overall I think this is a funny little twist on the well-known fairy tale.

"You should be. My uncle's the Big Bad Wolf." he replied.


The way this is phrased is interesting to me. The present tense implies that the wolf thinks his uncle is still alive, still the Big Bad Wolf terrorizing the woods. I guess the biggest question I have is what time frame this story takes place in relative to the main fairy tale. Is this immediately afterwards? Or is it sometime later, after news of his death has spread? Also, who knows what about the Big Bad Wolf's demise?

"My granny made my cloak from his skins." She rubbed the shaggy fur between her fingers.



I was slightly confused upon reading this, because I thought the shaggy fur was referring to the currently-alive-wolf's fur and I thought that would be strange that she was petting him. But then I realized it was her cloak she was rubbing. Maybe "She rubbed its shaggy fur" would make more sense.

"Grannies are the bravest and strongest of hunters.Their bones are too brittle to eat. Splinters in your tongue." She smiled sweetly, less appetizing by the second.



This is an interesting twist, because it implies that the granny defeated the wolf, not the huntsman that saved them in the standard telling of the fairy tale. It makes me wonder if this is just a boast on Red's part or if in this version, the granny herself defeated the wolf, no huntsman needed.

Also, "Splinters in your tongue" is a fragment, not a complete sentence, but I think it works because people don't always speak in complete sentences.

[quote]"You're lucky I'm not hungry." Tail drooping, he slunk into the flora. Rested under a gnarled elm. Veganism, he decided, is a healthy and normal lifestyle for a wolf. [quote]

"Rested under a gnarled elm" is another fragment, but I don't think it works in this case. I would combine it with the previous either like "he slunk into the flora and rested" or "he slunk into the flora, resting under..." The punchline is funny, but I don't know if it needs to be in italics.

Overall, this is a cute and funny mini-sequel to the tale. Welcome to YWS and keep writing! :D




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Mon Dec 03, 2018 8:38 am
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Rascalover says...



Hey!

I have no critique for this, but I love it! How interesting it is to think outside of what happens in the stories we all grew up on and love.

Bravo! If you need anything let me know, thanks for the great read.
Rascalover





The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. It's about what you're made of, not the circumstances.
— Unknown