z

Young Writers Society


16+

Conditional Concern

by ElvenJedi


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

A/N: trigger warning- mentions of self harm & suicide

~

Her dreams are nonexistent,

her hopes forgotten and dead.

Her fears forever insistent,

wrists red with hate and regret.

~

Her step is slow and detached,

her suicide tears break her smiles.

Her eyes are fogged over like death,

her secrets exposed for you to revile.

~

You’d be heartbroken for a child

who fears her very own soul.

A beauty who dreams of suicide,

you’d love her like the moon.

~

But only when her skin is clear

and only when her eyes are big,

only when her weight is under

would you worry what she did.

~

Only when her teeth are white

and only when her nose is small

with cheekbones perfect as yours

would you care if she lived at all.

~

Only when she has the voice of an angel,

only when she writes so well,

only when her art is flawless

would you care for the fate of a stranger. 

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7 Reviews

Points: 79
Reviews: 7

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Fri Dec 07, 2018 11:36 pm
HannaLynn wrote a review...



I love this. Though simple you have packed so much feeling unto such a short poem. I feel that you have based this off of own personal feelings, if my assumptions are correct, you can always talk to me. i've been through hell and back so I will understand and i am always willing to listen. The only suggestions that I have for you is to add more punctuation to this to add clarification. You are missing several commas in certain places. All said and done though, I absolutely love this. Good job! Keep it up!


~Hanna




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8 Reviews

Points: 20
Reviews: 8

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Mon Nov 19, 2018 11:27 pm
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clancy wrote a review...



i got misty eyes reading this, i can relate to this so much and i've written poetry with similar subjects, though not nearly as good as this.
first, this is soo well written and i love your word choices. i don't think there is anything i would change and its so beautifully emotional.
second, just..i feel this so much. you are definitely not alone,
and i know this is the most cliche thing ever but it does get better. like when we saw twenty one pilots, i don't know about you but i had stayed alive just for that for so long,
and we hecking made it man. we made it to that moment and i know we can make it to the next.
(also i know it can be annoying when people read something of yours and then go on a rant about how to stay alive welp)
and i realize this isn't a review at all so sorry for that ahh
but yeah, I can't wait to read more from you and hope you never stop writing.




ElvenJedi says...


aghh well i got misty eyes reading THIS, so i guess we're even :p

thank you so much for saying this, i kinda really needed it (especially after the concert, i used it as a reason for so long and now it's just.. over). so yeah thank you so much, this really means a lot to me so yeah thanks for that, thanks for taking the time to write all that out



clancy says...


of course! yeah i came home from the concert and started looking for more dates. XD i'm always here if you need someone to talk to or vent or anything. stay alive fam.



ElvenJedi says...


thank you so much seriously~
and you too




Lily you are my fig father
— Elliebanana