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Small Comments
And while this time might have been the most justifiable of them all, it was also the time where she didn't want to cry the most. In the short time she had known of his existence, Cass had practically idolized him. This was their first proper conversation, and she didn't want to start it with tears.
I'm assuming by 'him' you mean Aldonius? Probably best to give his name here, as there's no clear antecedent for a pronoun.
Also, does Cass idolise Aldonius? I've never got that vibe. I just thought she recognised him and felt a strange, protective warmth towards him.
Her lip quivered, and her vision began to grow blurry. She tried to hold them back – she really did – but she was just so terrified. She had never been in a situation where someone wanted her dead or injured; she never drew that much attention to herself. But here in Rey, her magic and her locket were all that was needed to bring on the wrath of a man who was the kingdom's prince. Even now, Aldonius was staring at the locket hanging above her chest with unreadable purple eyes. He was going to be just like the prince, wasn't he?
Two points here:
1) I'm not a big fan of the way you summarise what happened in the last chapter segment and explain it - it just feels too tell-y, not to mention unnecessary. We literally just saw the prince attack her and we know full well why he did it; why repeat the information here? This might be a side-effect of taking week-long gaps between writing chapters, though, so don't sweat it too much.
2) Fair enough for Cass to be anxious or wary, but why would she think Aldonius was going to be 'just like the prince' when he just...defended her...from the prince? And it's not like he protected her without knowing Rodet's reason for attacking her, because Cass's dark magic was in full view of both of them. It just seems like another instance of Cass being melodramatic.
Aldonius watched her cry for another minute before he hesitantly embraced her. Her eyes widened in surprised, but it only took a few moments for her to start sobbing into his cloak.
“It's alright,” he softly said. “He can't hurt you now.”
...this is weird. They've only just met. And Aldonius was seriously keeping his distance before this.
Her tears gradually became nonexistent, and her cheeks gradually began to return to their normal hue.
This bit feels odd to me. Even though the story is in third person, it's still slanted from Cass's POV, so it doesn't feel right to describe things she can't sense herself. How would she know her cheeks had gone back to normal? She can't see them.
“Have you ever heard of souls?”
“I have,” she quietly answered. She couldn't see where he was going with this conversation, but she would pay attention to every word of it. “They're supposed to represent who a person is, but they're mainly used in stories.”
It's an odd question, but I think this is an odder response. Who hasn't heard of souls? I'm surprised she answers in this nonchalant and informative way, like she's responding to a teacher's question, rather than being like 'uh...yeah...of course?' Because it's a weird question. And it's not like souls are some niche concept that only a few people have heard of.
It was much like her own, running up the middle of his cheek and stopping just short of his eye. It didn't seem like the type of cut someone would accidentally receive; it seemed like the type of cut that was given by someone else.
The part in bold is implied by the rest of the sentence, so I strongly suggest you scrap it. Also, minor nitpick, but scars near the eye are such a trope. I'd much rather see a character with a totally uncool scar for a change.
“Your soul and your magic is a part of who you are,” Aldonius explained. He lowered his hand. “This kingdom wants you to think that your magic is a terrible thing, but it's just the way you are.”
Thank you, Aldonius. I knew this guy was a good egg.
“You're someone's contracted,” he said.
Oooooh, what does this mean? I'm officially intrigued.
Overall Thoughts
Everybody's talked about the slightly creepy behaviour from Aldonius, so I'll just say that I echo their sentiments and leave it at that, because you're already fully aware of that. With that said, I do like Aldonius in that he's adding some real intrigue and mystery to the plot, which is what I think we've been missing. He's filling us in on answers but raising more questions, which is great.
Regarding the conversation, I do wish that Cass had taken a more active role in actually questioning him, because while she's not as passive as she has been, she's still much less active than she could be. Cass went out to find Aldonius, got attacked by Rodet, got rescued, and now the explanation she's been looking for is basically falling into her lap - Aldonius is relaying it to her without even having to be asked. The only action she has taken in this series of events is to go out and find our mysterious hooded friend in the first instance, which I don't think is enough.
I'm spitballing here, but imagine if the scene had unfolded in another way. Imagine if Aldonius hadn't offered her an explanation, and if he'd tried to distance himself from her again - he's been doing that since their first encounter, so it's hardly out of character. Then, suddenly, Cass would have to pursue him. She'd have to worm the answers out of him somehow, fighting against all of her anxious instincts. Right now, we have a clear understanding of what Cass wants - to understand what's happening to her - but she's not (a) doing enough to get it and (b) meeting enough resistance. Aldonius just gives her what she seeks with no qualms, which takes a lot of tension from the scene and robs Cass of some cool character development. You need to push her more. Make the thing she dreads happen and make her get herself out of it.
That's my main concern for this chapter, but other than that, I felt like it was one of the most engaging instalments I've read so far. I particularly love the end and the revelation about Cass being a 'contracted' - it's giving me Darker Than Black vibes, though I have no idea if your notion of contracts is at all similar. Still, I'm really eager to find out more about that. Also, slight creepiness aside, I am really intrigued by this odd dynamic between Cass and Aldonius. I just can't wait to discover why she was so immediately drawn to him.
That's all for this one! Keep writing!
~Pan
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