Young Writers Society

This is extremely late! You asked for a review from me on my WRFF months ago, and I'm just now getting around to it because life keeps seeming to get crazy. Here we go though, let's get to the review!

I'm just going to pick a couple areas that I wanted to highlight about this poem for my review

1. Formatting
Let's get the boring stuff out of the way.

I'm not sure that the "until" and "and" on it's own did much for me. It broke up the poem into pseudo stanzas, and did point out shifts in the poem, but were a bit clunky as far as the flow and look of the piece.

I like the choice to capitalize "You" to make it clearer who the subject is (the divine!) Although I think I'd capitalize that last "you" in the last line in order to be consistent. It's a subtle enough detail for believers to catch, but doesn't detract from the piece if a person doesn't have faith. I thought the rest of the capitalization and punctuation were fine considering the poem was really a very long sentence. So no qualms with that.

2. Meaning
I understood the poem to be about a speaker who is recognizing a deep desire to cleanse themselves of evil (to repent) and then being made clean - to receive the good grace and person of God in themselves. It reminds me of one of my favorite Bible verses John 15:4, which reads in part "Remain in me, as I also remain in you.". There's this divine exchange going on - where part of us dies and the new is reborn in Christ. And I think your poem really does a great job encapsulating that theme.

One aspect you might take a double check at is the line "burn away the hot desire" - for some reason "away" for me doesn't quite communicate destroy, cleanse, etc. And the fact that sometimes people use the phrase "burns with desire" makes it so that line can be misread as let me "burn with desire for what is not of You" rather than let me "burn down/expel/eliminate/my desire for what is not of You". I think the phrasing just needs to be made a bit clearer there, because in my first read I tripped over it thinking it meant the opposite of what it actually said.

3. Extended Metaphor
The extended fire metaphor works for me, and I think is a perfect image to pair with desire. I'd like a bit more of the imagery of fire in it though - I think that would make this poem pop - some bright flames, ashes, smoke in the air or lungs, crackling sparks ... there's so much to choose from, I think there's opportunity to do even more with the imagery aspect.

That being said, I think the length is just about perfect for a piece like this. It's long enough to communicate the message clearly, without being redundant or shallow.

Final Thoughts
I thought this was a poem that exceeded most in clarity. I didn't have to guess the meaning, but felt it was expressed poetically but with precision. Part of me thought this poem's theme was a bit generic in that I feel like I've heard poems expressing this exact thought elsewhere as well, maybe even with the fire imagery - there's nothing wrong with having a "generic" theme though- sometimes that just means it's talking about something universal. In order to make it more original you could work on making some of the elements more concrete - what desires do they want to give up? What is spurring this new revelation? What will they do now that they are pure and clean? Many interesting ways to make the poem more concrete if you'd like to.

Overall, I enjoyed reading it, and will look forward to reading your next piece!

"May the Lord bless you and keep you" <3

~alliyah

Hi rosette! Katja here to hopefully provide you with a helpful or encouraging review! Please feel free to disregard anything I say should you find it unhelpful. That being said, lets get onto the review!

My overall opinion, is that you're poem is short, but leaves the reader to develop their own opinion of what the true meaning is behind it. If I had to guess, I'd say you are referring to Christ, and purifying your heart of sin for him, though it isn't clear. it could also be more simple and referring to someone the writer loves dearly here on earth.

My only suggestion is on your format. Perhaps by utilizing proper punctuation and capitalizing each line it would feel more serious. As only the beginning is capitalized, it feels less deliberate and more forgetful, but thanks to poetry being versatile in format and structure, this isn't at all a serious issue and is more preference based.

My favorite part of the poem is how you end it with "there is only my heart, purified and clean, aching for more, and only more of you". It seems the writer is content and happy with their "purified heart" that has provided room for this person. That makes me as a reader feel like it is complete.

I look forward to reading more of your work soon!

Keep writing,

-Katja

Hi there! Manilla here for a review. Let's get right in it, shall we?

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This poem is open for lots of interpretation, but since you listed it as spiritual, I will assume that you're talking about burning the sin out of your body so there is room for a connection with Jesus Christ.

I have no major nitpicks except the possibility of extending and giving the reader of why the reader is doing so. Your flow could...well, flow more smoothly so it doesn't sound choppy in places that you don't always need to. "You" is not always capitalized as well.

One suggestion is to arrange the words in a different way other than a block of text. The images of this poem are dynamic, and so must be the visuals.

This was a short but enlightening read that reveals the raw nature of humanity's solace in God.

That's all from me.
-Manilla out

(Feel free to disregard any comment you deem rude or unhelpful. That was not my intention.)

Hey there Rosette,
Myjaspercat here to leave you a review on your piece.

So normally I would write a line-by-line for the piece, but I feel like yours doesn't really need one. That said, there are still a few nit-picks that I would like to point out.

1.) Punctuation: My main nitpick with this is that the entire poem turns out to be one single sentence. I understand that this could be considered a stylistic choice and that's partially why it's only a nitpick. However, I do feel like the poem could benefit here and there if it was broken into a couple sentences. For example I would personally add a period after the line [i]cloak me in flames[i] but then again, like I said before, if this is a stylistic choice and it has a purpose then you're good.

2.) The capitalization of the word 'you': First of all, I don't know if you noticed but out of the three times you wrote the word 'you' you only capitalized it twice. Is this intentional or did you mean to capitalize it all three times? Also, I don't particularly like the capitalization of the word 'you.' I get that you are probably doing so to add emphasis to that specific word but it seems rather disjointed and out of place.

Other then that I don't really see much to comment on. I hope I've helped a little. If you have any questions feel free to ask. Good luck and continue writing.