Yooo, Querencia. I've done it! I'm actually up to date! Or I will be once I actually finish writing this review.
When he did, he sat up straighter and stumbled out of his chair. It was eleven in the morning!
Eleven in the morning isn't that shocking, especially considering what he's been through. I feel like the surprise would be more apt if it was literally midday or something.
soaking up the sunlight slanting through the window.
Nice description. I do wonder how Finnley managed to sleep when it's so bright in there, though. Maybe he's just one of those lucky people who, unlike me, doesn't twitch awake at the sight of one (1) sunbeam slithering into the room.
He couldn’t believe that the police were still investigating Mia’s disappearance, though. What would they tell them? That Mia was just wandering in the woods? What if they had seen her note to him?
It strikes me that the police would probably lose interest once they realised Mia had been found unharmed. Following it up too much would seem like a waste of time and resources. Would they have even been investigating that thoroughly in the first place? Mia wasn't really missing for that long. I thought the police didn't class someone as missing until 24 hours had passed.
Finnley thought of Mia’s pale face, her tiredness evident in the way everything seemed to sag, in the way dark circles had formed beneath her eyes
I don't think you need to talk about her tiredness being 'evident' in her features - just describe the features. Her sagging expression, the dark circles; we'll be able to infer the tiredness from the description itself.
“Across town. The whole family got into a big fight, what with their daughter missing an all. Got a little much. Wore out their welcome, so to speak.”
Interesting development. I'm glad there's some family drama going on, because I mentioned before that things were too happy and smooth sailing for me.
He pulled out his phone and plugged in the street name.
Plugged? That seems like an odd verb choice. It's like saying 'inserted the street name'.
There was a table filled with tiny plants and trees, and in the bed alongside it was Mia.
I love that Mia seems to acquire plants wherever she goes, no matter how improbable it is.
That's all for specific points. Blue is right that not much seems to happen in this chapter, and I feel like parts of it are unnecessarily slow. Rather than having a paragraph dedicated to Finnley finding the apartment, you could just cut the scene at him being given the address and jump straight to him knocking on the door of the new place - much more efficient. There's no need to describe the journey.
I'm also a bit perplexed at Mia being portrayed as so ill. Was the nightmare actually draining her in some way? I know sleep deprivation isn't fun, but it almost comes across like she's been injured somehow rather than just being shaken up and really tired.
Overall, then, it's not a bad chapter, but still a fairly uneventful one. I'm not quite sure about the police stuff, as I don't know if they'd follow up the case once they knew Mia was home safe. Unless there really is nothing of interest happening in the town. Still, I'm certainly no expert when it comes to police proceedings, so don't rely on my word.
I can't believe I'm up to date now! I've so enjoyed reading this novel so far and I can't wait to see what you do with it next
Keep writing!
~Pan
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Reviews: 641
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