Young Writers Society

Thanks for sharing this poem expressing the deep anguish over a perceived futility. Definitely not what a typical thirteen-year old is expected to write both in subject matter, style and vocabulary. In any case, this is my understanding.

The blade reference seems to indicate an attempt at suicide via wrist cutting as does the reference to lines of red- blood. The edge of the cliff illustrates the precariousness of life where one false step means death. The gray conveys the hopelessness of the situation. Gray as opposed to blue skies.

I especially like this part:

Random things make me sad

Drizzle beneath a yellow streetlamp

Sunset through a car window

Graffiti on a wall....

Legacy here for a review.

I agree with the other reviewer off the bat and propose that you don't even need the line "I feel so bad". I feel that this line just brings the poem down slightly since it's just there and isn't adding anything to the poem.

I love the format that you have here. You also have some amazing imagery at the beginning. I could really see what was going on. Props. You have some nice rhymes, but I'm also glad that you don't see it as essential to have a rhyming pattern for this, as if you were to stick to a pattern for this poem, it might bring it down. (it's a bad habit of mine sometimes).

That's all I really got for you tonight/ morning? (12:02 am my time). Sorry I don't have more for you. Legacy out.

Wow this is incredible! It is also really cool that you wrote something as beautiful as this, with the vocabulary you did and you're only 13! I feel like that this poem is metaphorical when the character says they are dying. They are actually dying from the inside which is very depressing. I loved the beginning when you how you introduce the character cutting themselves and how you compare their cuts to memories. That is so profound and meaningful. This poem means so much to me because I suffer from depression and I used to cut myself. A suggestion I do have is to not use the words sad and bad because they are pretty basic. You don't even need those lines where you used those words because you explain how everything is gray and that covers the meaning you portrayed when you used the sad/bad words. You did an excellent job keep on keeping on with your writing <3.