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Chapter 11.2: Ilami

by Lightsong


Gael glanced at Haka. ‘Are you deciding what I can and cannot do?’ he said, his voice low. ‘Only my parents can do that to me.’

Ilami could feel the chill in Gael’s voice, but Haka didn’t seem to notice it. ‘You entered the Restricted Area. You were lucky the dwarf was merciful. What if he decided to punish you? Dwarfs are scary creatures if they’re angry.’

Gael kept his silence for a few seconds. ‘The last time I went there, I was alone. Now, I have Ilami and you, not to mention the Darkening Spell I’ve practiced. I’m sure I won’t get caught this time.’

Haka gritted his teeth, but he didn’t say anything. Ilami glanced at both of them. The relationship they both had was interesting. Haka seemed to be protective of Gael while Gael wanted a bit more freedom in his actions. Add Gael’s worry when Haka was shirtless and you had something that was more complex than a friendship. She needed to find more about that if she wanted to understand her friends.

‘We’re going to think this through before we enter the room, Haka,’ Ilami said, softening her voice and clearing a strand of silver hair from her forehead. She had a feeling Haka would be more stubborn if she persuaded him with aggressiveness. ‘And we have to do this. What if there’s going to be another student dead after this? Are you going to be okay with that, knowing you can stop it from happening?’

Haka let out a low groan, closed his eyes and massaged his head. Then, he spoke. ‘Alright, I’ll join.’ Ilami was about to smile when he raised a finger. ‘But in one condition. You have to keep watch while Gael and I search in the area.’

Ilami bit her lower lip, frowning. With a hint of a smile on Haka’s face, it was obvious he was testing her. She wanted to see what was inside the room. She wanted to know what made students who went in there die. She couldn’t let this opportunity get away! It was possible she could figure out if Mother was behind the students’ death.

‘Fine,’ she said forcefully. She had to keep her desire aside if she wanted this plan to work. She noticed the slight tug of Haka’s face was still there. He didn’t care if I refused, she realized, leaning back. He just wanted to see me struggling. What a sly son of Lio.

Haka nodded, satisfied. He looked at Gael. ‘We need to think of this thoroughly. Do you have anything else to say to us... before it’s too late?’ There was a bit of venom at the end of his words.

Gael looked away, his face flushed. Then, he told them about the master. ‘The goblin was feared of him, so I was surprised with the goblin’s kindness. Whoever the master is, I’m sure he won’t let us get away with our intrusion.’

Haka nodded. ‘So, a mysterious master. One who’s merciless. I’m not feeling any better about this plan.’

‘Maybe we should find one last person to join,’ Ilami said, subconsciously twirling strands of her hair. ‘How about Aleveri?’

Haka frowned. ‘The plan is bad at it is. The way I see it, we’re going to depend on our luck most of the time. And now you want another person to join us?’

‘I have to agree with Haka,’ Gael said, placing his hand on his mouth as if in thought. ‘You haven’t told her about what you’ve done, and now you want her to join us enter the Restricted Area. I know I’m an optimist, but this seems too much.’

Then you’re not enough an optimist, Ilami thought, annoyed. ‘Look, Aleveri is a healer. If anyone of us get injured, we need someone to treat her and doesn’t get suspicious on what we’re doing. Gael’s already said the master doesn’t hesitate to use violence, so we have to be more than prepared, more so if luck is a major factor on our success.’ She glanced at Haka.

He sighed. ‘You’re right. We do need a healer if something goes wrong. But you have to tell Aleveri about the killing thing first and if she doesn’t take it well, then she can’t join us. We have to get into the Restricted Area by our own. Do you understand?’

Ilami nodded. She knew there was fifty percent chance Aleveri wouldn’t want to be her friend once Aleveri found out she was a killer - more so when Aleveri’s status as a healer opposed such thing - but this was the best plan they could ever come up with. She couldn’t go through her days a student without knowing all the important events that were happening in the academy.

She looked at Haka’s room, inspecting it for the first time. It was messy. A paper-size blanket sprawled on the bed, a few clothes scattering here and there. Pencils and quills lay on the study table, the opened ink bottle at the edge of it was in the brink of falling. A few hand-drawn posters of famous fighters were stuck on the wall. She was impressed to see Ayala Resden, a female fighter known for her use of spear, was there.

‘What’re you looking at?’ Haka said.

She turned to him and flashed a sweet smile. ‘Nothing. Just wanting to know my friend better.’

Haka shivered. Perhaps the thought of befriending the principal’s daughter never crossed his mind. More so when said daughter saved his friend when he was supposed to be there instead of her. Or maybe he never befriend a girl? Unlikely, considering what he said about his hometown. She hoped they would go along well with each other. She could tell he was a reliable person and, since he was Gael’s friend, he was important to be in her side.

She wanted to test him for a little bit. She turned to Gael. ‘Now that we know what we’re going to do later, we can resume the class.’

‘Hmm?’ Gael said, blinking his eyes. It seemed like she broke his thinking. ‘You mean about the advanced spell?’

She shook her head. ‘I think we can stop at that for now. It’s clear I need to understand more about the nature of spells before I can practice the advanced ones.’ At the corner of her eye, she could see Haka watch them. ‘I’m thinking about our fighting class, me teaching you how to fight.’ After that, she turned to Haka.

Haka’s posture was tense. He frowned and drew a flat mouth. ‘I don’t think he needs your help now that I’m here.’

Huh. You’re struggling, Ilami thought, tasting the satisfaction. ‘We’ve already made a deal. It’s Gael’s choice after all; didn’t he make that clear?’

Haka glanced at Gael who was adjusting his seat a few times. ‘Gael definitely knows more about magic than most of the first-year students. Similarly, when it comes to fighting, I’m known to be one of the best among the new students.’

‘You do know that doesn’t mean anything if Gael wants me to teach him, don’t you?’ Ilami asked. She remembered something that made her annoyed. ‘Not to mention, you did spar with someone else when Gael taught me about magic. You preferred to fight someone better at fighting than Gael.’

Haka’s face turned red. ‘That was only because -’

‘Stop it, both of you!’ Gael said, closing his eyes. ‘I’m still here, okay? Don’t act like I don’t have a say on a matter concerning me.’

He turned to Haka. ‘It’s true that I chose Ilami to teach me, but it was only because I knew I could teach her something in return. You’re not only excellent in hand-to-hand combat, but also in executing fighting spells. They’re like just there, at your fingertips to use. To be even better than you are right now requires fighting stronger opponents. I understand that completely.’

Next, he focused on Ilami. ‘And you. Yes, I chose you to teach me fighting skills, but it’s more than that right now. Mrs. Venaria wants you to watch me. I don’t know why, but I trust her - to a certain extent - that she’s doing it for my sake. That doesn’t mean you can rub it off on my friend’s face. It’s rude, and since you need Haka in this investigative mission of yours, you have to make him like you.’

He held out his hands to both of them. ‘Now that both of you are here, why don’t you show me how to fight by sparring with each other instead? That way, I can learn more about when to attack and defense. It’s the most logical thing to do.’

Ilami and Haka kept their silence. Ilami didn’t like how Gael’s words ring true; it was childish of her to strike Haka’s nerve. Still, she wouldn’t do that if he didn’t start first. That’s not the right thinking, Ilami thought forcefully. I really need to work on my approach with people. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, reluctantly. To both of you.’

‘It’s good you’re apologizing,’ Haka said, growling.

Gael threw a pointed stare at him. ‘You were a bit harsh about the part where she can’t get into the Restricted Area. Apologize.’

Haka stared at him back, before rolling his eyes. ‘I apologize for being a bit harsh.’ He raised a finger to Ilami. ‘I’m not going to be gentle on you when we spar, though.’

Ilami couldn’t help but smiled. ‘I was about to say the same.’


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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okayy...so this was an interesting ending here. We had a bit of a heated moment go down between Haka and Ilami and well it was certainly brewing for a while, and I think its the right moment for something like this to happen. I like how these friendships are being built up fairly slowly here with the expected conflicts happening at the right sort of times.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Gael glanced at Haka. ‘Are you deciding what I can and cannot do?’ he said, his voice low. ‘Only my parents can do that to me.’

Ilami could feel the chill in Gael’s voice, but Haka didn’t seem to notice it. ‘You entered the Restricted Area. You were lucky the dwarf was merciful. What if he decided to punish you? Dwarfs are scary creatures if they’re angry.’

Gael kept his silence for a few seconds. ‘The last time I went there, I was alone. Now, I have Ilami and you, not to mention the Darkening Spell I’ve practiced. I’m sure I won’t get caught this time.’


OKay....well I didn't expect their little fight there to escalate quite so quickly. There appears to be a little bit of extra drama going on there. Haka is definitely being a little bit overprotective, but I do suppose that is in character for him, so this little moment feels natural enough and its definitely a conversation they need to have if they are ever planning on visiting the Restricted Area.

Haka gritted his teeth, but he didn’t say anything. Ilami glanced at both of them. The relationship they both had was interesting. Haka seemed to be protective of Gael while Gael wanted a bit more freedom in his actions. Add Gael’s worry when Haka was shirtless and you had something that was more complex than a friendship. She needed to find more about that if she wanted to understand her friends.


Well, I didn't think Ilami was going to jump to that sort of conclusion this quickly, but it looks like this little fight is only building on the earlier suspicions that she had and she's going to start trying to figure that whole conundrum out.

‘We’re going to think this through before we enter the room, Haka,’ Ilami said, softening her voice and clearing a strand of silver hair from her forehead. She had a feeling Haka would be more stubborn if she persuaded him with aggressiveness. ‘And we have to do this. What if there’s going to be another student dead after this? Are you going to be okay with that, knowing you can stop it from happening?’

Haka let out a low groan, closed his eyes and massaged his head. Then, he spoke. ‘Alright, I’ll join.’ Ilami was about to smile when he raised a finger. ‘But in one condition. You have to keep watch while Gael and I search in the area.’


Okay...I really wasn't expecting him to give into that quite so quickly. Sure Gael's response was logical enough that he wouldn't stand in the way of Gael going, but then him also jumping to join them. There is an argument to be made that he is protective of Gael so naturally he wants to go, but hmm, still I expected this little argument to last a little bit longer.

Ilami bit her lower lip, frowning. With a hint of a smile on Haka’s face, it was obvious he was testing her. She wanted to see what was inside the room. She wanted to know what made students who went in there die. She couldn’t let this opportunity get away! It was possible she could figure out if Mother was behind the students’ death.

‘Fine,’ she said forcefully. She had to keep her desire aside if she wanted this plan to work. She noticed the slight tug of Haka’s face was still there. He didn’t care if I refused, she realized, leaning back. He just wanted to see me struggling. What a sly son of Lio.


Okay...that's an odd one. I don't really know exactly what came of Haka's actions there. It feels a little confusing as to why he'd be smirking at that whole situation. I get that maybe he wanted to see Ilami uncomfortable there by making things go clearly against her wishes if she wanted her plan to succeed, but I don't see why he'd find that enjoyable...they are somewhat friends by this point.

Haka nodded, satisfied. He looked at Gael. ‘We need to think of this thoroughly. Do you have anything else to say to us... before it’s too late?’ There was a bit of venom at the end of his words.

Gael looked away, his face flushed. Then, he told them about the master. ‘The goblin was feared of him, so I was surprised with the goblin’s kindness. Whoever the master is, I’m sure he won’t let us get away with our intrusion.’

Haka nodded. ‘So, a mysterious master. One who’s merciless. I’m not feeling any better about this plan.’


I mean, its a Restricted Area, did you genuinely expect anything less than that Haka? Have you never read a story before? And well this plan is very clearly going to be a rather dangerous one with a very high probability of going wrong rather quickly.

‘Maybe we should find one last person to join,’ Ilami said, subconsciously twirling strands of her hair. ‘How about Aleveri?’

Haka frowned. ‘The plan is bad at it is. The way I see it, we’re going to depend on our luck most of the time. And now you want another person to join us?’

‘I have to agree with Haka,’ Gael said, placing his hand on his mouth as if in thought. ‘You haven’t told her about what you’ve done, and now you want her to join us enter the Restricted Area. I know I’m an optimist, but this seems too much.’


Well, yeah, Aleveri could be useful with the sort of things that she can do, but convincing her to join them alone is going to take time and not be very easy to accomplish. Besides having so many people going on a secret mission like this is actually a pretty tough thing, the higher the number of people used, the higher their chances of being discovered and getting into trouble.

Then you’re not enough an optimist, Ilami thought, annoyed. ‘Look, Aleveri is a healer. If anyone of us get injured, we need someone to treat her and doesn’t get suspicious on what we’re doing. Gael’s already said the master doesn’t hesitate to use violence, so we have to be more than prepared, more so if luck is a major factor on our success.’ She glanced at Haka.

He sighed. ‘You’re right. We do need a healer if something goes wrong. But you have to tell Aleveri about the killing thing first and if she doesn’t take it well, then she can’t join us. We have to get into the Restricted Area by our own. Do you understand?’


OKay...that's an interesting ultimatum. It makes sense but it also seems like a bit of a way to shoehorn Ilami's declaration of her past to all her friends. At least this quartet will somewhat officially team up now after this without there being too many deep secrets between them, so that should be pretty fun to see.

Ilami nodded. She knew there was fifty percent chance Aleveri wouldn’t want to be her friend once Aleveri found out she was a killer - more so when Aleveri’s status as a healer opposed such thing - but this was the best plan they could ever come up with. She couldn’t go through her days a student without knowing all the important events that were happening in the academy.


OKay...things getting mathematical for a second there, but her reasoning I think is pretty good there, so well, it looks like they're going to go into this whole Restricted Area situation with as much planning as you could expect four people of their age to pull off, despite the maturity all of them show, they are still quite young.

She looked at Haka’s room, inspecting it for the first time. It was messy. A paper-size blanket sprawled on the bed, a few clothes scattering here and there. Pencils and quills lay on the study table, the opened ink bottle at the edge of it was in the brink of falling. A few hand-drawn posters of famous fighters were stuck on the wall. She was impressed to see Ayala Resden, a female fighter known for her use of spear, was there.

‘What’re you looking at?’ Haka said.

She turned to him and flashed a sweet smile. ‘Nothing. Just wanting to know my friend better.’


Okay....well, that's an interesting moment. I'm not sure where that is really trying to go, I suppose perhaps Ilami getting him back a bit for making her uncomfortable and genuinely trying to connect with him a bit more. They are still sort of barely friends at the moment, not really full friends.

She wanted to test him for a little bit. She turned to Gael. ‘Now that we know what we’re going to do later, we can resume the class.’

‘Hmm?’ Gael said, blinking his eyes. It seemed like she broke his thinking. ‘You mean about the advanced spell?’

She shook her head. ‘I think we can stop at that for now. It’s clear I need to understand more about the nature of spells before I can practice the advanced ones.’ At the corner of her eye, she could see Haka watch them. ‘I’m thinking about our fighting class, me teaching you how to fight.’ After that, she turned to Haka.


Ohh she is giving back as good as she got with some interest here. Haka's reaction to this is going to be very interesting to see...although I am slightly concerned that this is going to spark some unhealthy enmity there. The fact that both of them deliberately wanted to see the other in an uncomfortable situation and enjoyed it is not the greatest of signs.

Haka’s posture was tense. He frowned and drew a flat mouth. ‘I don’t think he needs your help now that I’m here.’

Huh. You’re struggling, Ilami thought, tasting the satisfaction. ‘We’ve already made a deal. It’s Gael’s choice after all; didn’t he make that clear?’

Haka glanced at Gael who was adjusting his seat a few times. ‘Gael definitely knows more about magic than most of the first-year students. Similarly, when it comes to fighting, I’m known to be one of the best among the new students.’


Well...yeah, this is barreling towards a proper argument here, which doesn't bode too well for this rather fledgling friendship here, but then I also like seeing a bit of conflict going on there too...it does make things a bit more realistic than if they all instantly became great friends.

‘You do know that doesn’t mean anything if Gael wants me to teach him, don’t you?’ Ilami asked. She remembered something that made her annoyed. ‘Not to mention, you did spar with someone else when Gael taught me about magic. You preferred to fight someone better at fighting than Gael.’

Haka’s face turned red. ‘That was only because -’


Shots fired in both directions....phew...this is starting to heat up quite a bit here and I feel like we're barreling towards a moment where something potentially bad could end up happening between the three of them.

He turned to Haka. ‘It’s true that I chose Ilami to teach me, but it was only because I knew I could teach her something in return. You’re not only excellent in hand-to-hand combat, but also in executing fighting spells. They’re like just there, at your fingertips to use. To be even better than you are right now requires fighting stronger opponents. I understand that completely.’

Next, he focused on Ilami. ‘And you. Yes, I chose you to teach me fighting skills, but it’s more than that right now. Mrs. Venaria wants you to watch me. I don’t know why, but I trust her - to a certain extent - that she’s doing it for my sake. That doesn’t mean you can rub it off on my friend’s face. It’s rude, and since you need Haka in this investigative mission of yours, you have to make him like you.’


Soo...that was the explosion, not quite what I was expecting, but not a bad one nonetheless. Him stepping into stop the situation is probably the best way this could've been resolved and he does have a point with most of those arguments. His argument about Ilami's position is a bit iffy, but otherwise, it is all pretty solid here.

He held out his hands to both of them. ‘Now that both of you are here, why don’t you show me how to fight by sparring with each other instead? That way, I can learn more about when to attack and defense. It’s the most logical thing to do.’

Ilami and Haka kept their silence. Ilami didn’t like how Gael’s words ring true; it was childish of her to strike Haka’s nerve. Still, she wouldn’t do that if he didn’t start first. That’s not the right thinking, Ilami thought forcefully. I really need to work on my approach with people. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, reluctantly. To both of you.’

‘It’s good you’re apologizing,’ Haka said, growling.


Well its good they at least realize what the two of them were doing was not exactly a good thing to do although to be fair, they are at the age where you can't really call that childish...they are acting their age. Maybe Haka who seems a bit older or at least more experienced with people in general might be doing something slightly childish, but Ilami can't quite be blamed there.

Gael threw a pointed stare at him. ‘You were a bit harsh about the part where she can’t get into the Restricted Area. Apologize.’

Haka stared at him back, before rolling his eyes. ‘I apologize for being a bit harsh.’ He raised a finger to Ilami. ‘I’m not going to be gentle on you when we spar, though.’

Ilami couldn’t help but smiled. ‘I was about to say the same.’


Hmm...ooh, this little sparring session could be very interesting. It'd be fun to finally get a better sense of Haka's much talked up fighting style here. We've seen him described as a really good fighter, but we have yet to see him actually be in a fight.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, I think I really liked this chapter. You're doing a pretty good job with demonstrating these friendships and how they are slowly developing. The promise of an excursion into the infamous Restricted Area coming soon is also really interesting, so this is headed in a good direction here. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Fri Dec 15, 2017 4:10 pm
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Panikos wrote a review...



Hi, Lightsong. I totally thought I'd reviewed this! I can't believe I let this slip by me. I'll rectify it immediately.

(Minor changes in blue.)

Nitpicks

‘The last time I went there, I was alone. Now, I have Ilami and you, not to mention the Darkening Spell I’ve practiced. I’m sure I won’t get caught this time.’


Gael seems awfully confident all of a sudden. He was fretting to Ilami about his lack of blessing in the last chapter, and he can only hold the Darkening Spell for about thirty seconds. I get that he might be acting defiant because Haka's trying to tell him what to do, but it still seems strange for him to disregard the risks so entirely.

The relationship they both had was interesting. Haka seemed to be protective of Gael while Gael wanted a bit more freedom in his actions. Add Gael’s worry when Haka was shirtless and you had something that was more complex than a friendship.


I find it odd how perceptive Ilami is. She's never struck me as someone who was particularly observant when it came to human relationships, given that she doesn't seem to have had many friendships herself. It sort of feels like you're using her as a mouthpiece to describe Gael and Haka's dynamic rather than staying true to what she'd really notice.

There's also the fact that this is straight-up telling writing. I feels like you're trying to steer our interpretation of the scene too much rather than just letting us watch it unfold.

‘The goblin was feared of him, so I was surprised by the goblin’s kindness.


Then you’re not enough of an optimist


You could also have: Then you're not optimistic enough

If anyone of us gets injured, we need someone to treat her and doesn’t get suspicious on what we’re doing.


Expression. Maybe have something like:

If one of us gets injured, we need someone to treat us who won't get suspicious about what we're doing.

We have to get into the Restricted Area on our own.


more so when Aleveri’s status as a healer opposed such a thing


A paper-size blanket sprawled on the bed, a few clothes scattered here and there.


Pencils and quills lay on the study table, the opened ink bottle at the edge of it was on the brink of falling.


Or maybe he had never befriended a girl? Unlikely, considering what he had said about his hometown. She hoped they would get along well with each other. She could tell he was a reliable person and, since he was Gael’s friend, it was important to have him on side.


‘Hmm?’ Gael said, blinking his eyes.


What else would he be blinking? :P

It seemed like she broke his thinking.


I see what you're getting at here, but the expression is a bit off. Maybe have something like:

She seemed to have interrupted his train of thought.

she could see Haka watching them.


it was childish of her to strike Haka’s nerve.


Again, I sort of see what you're getting at, but the expression is iffy. Something like 'it was childish of her to rankle Haka' might get your point across better.

Overall Thoughts

1) I agree with Mea that the conflict in this chapter is a bit strange. I don't understand why Haka is so annoyed with Ilami. He's always seemed a bit jealous and protective of Gael, but now it's almost like a worrying possessiveness. He doesn't seem to want Ilami teaching him how to fight; it's like he wants Gael to be completely reliant on him, which is a little unsettling. I'm not sure if that's intentional, but it's how it comes across.

I don't feel like it's unrealistic for Haka to oppose Ilami, but he needs a valid reason to do so. You could easily draw on Haka's reaction to discovering that Ilami killed someone. Perhaps he'd think she wasn't to be trusted; he might even think they couldn't trust her due to her connection to Alyosha and Venaria. I don't know. I just think that, if you're going to have him be so cold, there needs to be a justification for it on his part.

2) Make sure you keep your narration consistent with the character you're writing from the perspective of. Even though it's third-person narration, the style should still be coloured by whichever character leads it. I don't always feel like this piece stays true to Ilami's personality. I feel like sometimes you as an author want to get some information out, so you just write it without thinking about whether the character would really draw attention to it.

3) I do like that Haka has quite a contradictory personality. When we first meet him, he's more flippant and jokey, but this lets us see his more intimidating side. At first, I wasn't sure I believed in him as this legendary fighter, but seeing how he behaves here I can believe in it.

I'll call the review here because I'm a bit strapped for time (as always!), but I hope this was still helpful. I'd just work on ironing out the conflict in this chapter and figuring out whether it's really realistic for them all to act so hostile. Disagreements are good, but you don't need it constantly. I'd like to actually believe that they're friends, which is hard to do when they're always arguing!

Keep writing! :D
~Pan




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Fri Dec 08, 2017 1:01 am
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Mea wrote a review...



Hey Light! You know the drill. <3

I like that you're letting their different personalities play against each other. Sometimes, it would be nice if it wasn't in a way that involved direct confrontation and arguing, but showing their differences in this way helps their characters feel a lot rounder and make the plot more interesting.

This chapter is a little more rocky than your last few have been. It caught me off guard in several places. Overall, I was surprised by the direction the conversation went and how impatient and snippy all of them were with each other. Why are they so distrustful? Particularly Haka. Let's start at the top.

Gael's reaction to Hakka saying he couldn't go felt almost overblown. Mostly, I was surprised that Gael took it as a serious order at all. Why didn't he just fold his arms and say "I'm going whether you like it or not"? Both of them know that Hakka doesn't have any authority over him.

She noticed the slight tug of Haka’s face was still there. He didn’t care if I refused, she realized, leaning back. He just wanted to see me struggling. What a sly son of Lio.

What would Haka's motivation for doing that be? Or what does Ilami think his motivation is? Is he just trying to see how desperate she is to come with them? Also, Haka has no authority over Ilami either. He can't stop her from following them to the restricted area if she wants to. And Gael isn't going to let Haka exclude her. So I feel like this shouldn't have worked.

So, what is Haka's problem with Ilami? And why does Ilami keep rising to his bait? I feel like she should be able to control herself more, and also realize that he clearly has a problem with her and start analyzing why that might be. She's definitely the type of person who is always ready to get into a fight, but I also think that halfway through she'd realize that Haka's deliberately provoking her, and then she'd stop fighting him.

I don't know. I think it's good that you're bringing in this interpersonal conflict, but it doesn't quite click with their characters, and to be honest, at some point them arguing all the time even though they're supposed to be friends gets tiring - they act like they don't even like each other. With Haka especially, his hostility just seems unwarranted. I am curious as to why he's so hostile, but without a good explanation, this whole scene is going to feel contrived.

Okay, enough criticism.

Except for the very beginning, Gael was great! I liked that he wound up playing the role of mediator - it's a role he's well-suited to. I'm glad that they're planning their trip to the Restricted section, and I still can't wait for that scene.

I kind of agree that taking Aleveri isn't the best idea, but I'm curious to see if Ilami will get her way. I kind of expect her to go talk to Aleveri about it anyway, even though Haka and Gael disagree. So that'll be interesting!

And I'll leave it at that for now. I really can't wait to see what's going on in the Restricted Section. :D




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Wed Dec 06, 2017 12:31 pm
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Kazumi says...



oh wait, you're making a novel out of the short story I reviewed before?

that's pretty dope, maybe I'll give it a read some time




Lightsong says...


Yup, I've fallen in love with the characters and magic system. *o*



Kazumi says...


I'm in the middle of playing a j-rpg game, and I remembered how fun long-form fantasy stories are. I hope your novel can satisfy that cravinggg



Lightsong says...


Haha it depends on whether my kind of long-form story suits your taste. It might be a bit too much drama. xD




There is nothing more radical or counter-cultural, at the moment, than laying down one’s cynicism in favour of tender vulnerability.
— John Green