Hello Mea! Thank you for making a request on my Will Review For Food page! So let's get to the reviewing thing:
So I'm picking up on two big themes in this poem and they're actually contrasting so that makes it really interesting!
Stanzas 1 & 2 seem to all be about separation:
The light isn't direct - it's blurred
The view isn't eye-level - it's airborne
glimpse, and dazzle carry the same distancing connotation
and then the first line where I'm like, oh no the speaker is actually not distanced is "clean-cut"
but then! that line is undercut in the next stanza adding the addition "has faded"
I interpreted this visual distancing to the speaker feeling like they're out of place, like there's something between them and where they are that gives their sense of place a feeling of not being tangible.
In the line "a plane sheds gravity in exchange" -- the poem describes a shift or descent to being literally more grounded or closer to reality and then we get stanza 3.
In stanza 3, my original interpretation is challenged. The speaker says "she is grounded" that she's not just on top of the city but is within it -- down the roads at night.
I'm really curious about the word "but" in front of that line "but she is grounded" it's like she realizes that to an outsider she doesn't look like she belongs, but is she trying to convince the reader or herself that she belongs? And then in the very last line the reader is challenged again, "though no road can take her home" an interesting twist -- and begs the question what really is the difference between being "grounded in a place" and "being at home" in a place -- because that seems to be the feeling this poem is getting at. There's this thin divide that's being described where at first maybe moving to a new city you feel out of place, disconnected, then you transition to feeling like you understand the city and like you're a part of it, but still it is not your home. And then it's made even sadder in this piece, because not only is the speaker not at home but possibly she has no place to call home anymore based on the detail that no road can take her...
I thought this poem was really clever in how it combined imagery and metaphor to create a sense of feeling and space that painted a larger story. You really only spend 3 lines (those last 3) on what I would call the real conflict - but somehow it works and I still feel like I get a sense of the character. I also like how fine-tuned the tone is in the piece -- the first 2 stanzas I was like, okay we've got a homesick poem - but the last three lines really make a very specific feeling -- it's interesting. I wonder if you could give another detail about how the speaker is grounded -- I understand how speeding in the middle of night has like an almost spiritual sense of familiarity with a place -- but not being familiar with Tokyo's traffic or how much that says that the speaker belongs or doesn't belong I find myself wondering if the third to last line is a lie. I just feel like I could use another couple of lines to try to figure out whether or not she is truly grounded in the place, or if that's just a line of her trying to convince herself.
Another line I was a bit confused with is "in exchange/for anywhere with a real horizon" -- is this saying the buildings are the "fake"/"unreal" horizon?
And I just realized maybe the last line actually means her home is over-seas... rather than meaning she has no home. Whoops -- I guess both interpretations make sense! But i would consider giving a couple more choice lines in that last stanza to give the reader a bit more to work with in deciphering where the speaker actually falls.
I didn't come across anything I thought should be changed as far as grammatical/punctuation/or capitalization choices -- it seemed pretty consistent throughout.
One last piece of praise for this work! Lovely job creating imagery and tone that readers can connect to whether or not they've been to the place you're describing. Your poem has a real sense of place and I think a lot of people (including myself) can relate to those feelings of being out of place or yearning for a sense of "home". Thank you for sharing your piece!
alliyah
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