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16+ Violence

A Gift From Above (Chapter 1)

by irsyad23


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

Hey guys! This story contains depiction of abuse. Read at your own risk. 

I also want to mention, this story is fully fictional. However the depiction may have happened before or still happening. The religious context in this story is true.

Chapter 1

Maya stood still, looking out the window of her small wooden quaint house. The sky was cloudy and dark, and she knew it was about to rain. She was wearing her prayer’s attire, while holding a Koran on her right hand, waiting patiently for the prayer’s time. Upon hearing the roaring storm, she quickly put down the holy book and rushed out the room. Her mother was sitting by the door, tired with the works she had been doing the whole morning.

To provide for the family, the 40-years old wife to a drunkard had to look after a small paddy field that was just a pebble throw away from their house. Upon seeing Maya, she quickly stood up.

“Maya go get the clothes!” she said as the first drop of rain began to bang on their rusted-zinc roof. Maya quickly abided and hasted herself to help her seemingly weak mother. For a nineteen year old girl, she certainly did her best to help improve the life of her family. Her daily routine included making kuih pisang, a famous Malayan dish made of banana, to be sold across the small village.

Maya fetched a white scarf before heading down the narrow wooden stairs, to cover her long-straight-black hair, even though there were possibly no men around their house. The nearest neighbour they had was a little over a quarter mile away but Maya couldn’t help but feel obligated to cover her hair from any men that could possibly see her. For Maya, it was her virtue to uphold the teaching of Islam in her life and never had she felt forced to wear it.

She was already half soaked by the abrupt heavy rain when she pulled the last piece of clothing off the wires where they hang them when she saw a man walking towards her. She didn’t recognize him at first due to the blurring rain but a moment later she figured that it was her dad. She quickly ran upstairs.

“Mother, dad is here!” she warned her.

“How is he?” her mother started to worry. The last time her husband came home, he was drunk and abusive. “Hurry up go to your room and lock the door!”

Maya obliged, as she had already seen how abusive her father could be. It was only 5 o’clock in the evening at that time but the heavy rain and clouds made the surrounding so dark, and cold. She locked the thin plywood door of her room and sat while she hugged her knees. As she looked over her arms, she noticed the bruises of the last time her dad beat her had not fully faded yet. It was a little over a week ago.

“Maya!!”

She was terrified. Although she couldn’t listen to them clearly outside, she could tell they were fighting. Her mother screamed and shouted in a very heated altercation with her dad, who kept calling for Maya. What could happen next? She was scared she would be beaten again for no reason. It wasn’t long before her dad slammed the door of her room, just right after she heard a slapping sound. Probably her mother was smacked to the floor. She began to cry in anxiousness, as she prayed to God to keep her safe before she quickly grab the Koran by her side as she hugged it tight.

As expected, the door crashed open. The lightning struck a few times, illuminating the silhouette of her dad on the door as he moved closer.

“Come with me!” he shouted, as he began to pull Maya by her wet shirt.

“No!! Please dad, leave me alone!” she screamed in pain as her father struck her face with a mighty force. She kept groaning hysterically as he pulled harder, this time by her hair. Her already weak mother came from behind in disgust.

“Get away you old crazy man!” her mother screeched as she hit her husband from behind repeatedly.

The man swung her elbow which landed upon her mother face. She collapsed to the ground in agony. He later pulled Maya by her hair to the front door and down the stairs as she kept struggling, with her already swollen eyes from crying. Her slender frame couldn’t fight with her dad even with all her might. Her mother’s nose was bleeding when she called Maya one last time before she fainted, shaken on the cold floor.

“If you don’t stop struggling I’m going to hit you until you stop!” he warned as he dragged her to his truck under the heavy storm. They were both soaked and her tears were all washed away by the unforgiving rain. As she kept fighting, he did what he had to do.

She blacked out.

***

Maya’s head was ringing as she tried to open her eyes. She was somewhere she didn’t recognize. The buzzing streets, the orange street lamp. One thing was certain. She was in the city. As she didn’t know how long she fainted, she couldn’t quite figure out where she could be, as the nearest city was over four hours drive away from the village. Then she felt fingers on her lips. Her dad tried to force her to eat a pill, and she reluctantly open her mouth. Her dad chugged maybe two or three of the pills into her mouth before flooding it with water. Then she fell back into unconsciousness.

The few times Maya could open her eyes to see and remember, she saw blurry images of her dad receiving a stack of money, and leaving her all alone with some strangers. Her worst fear could be lurking right in front of her, sold as a prostitute. But she was too weak to even move her limbs, so the strangers had to lift her to a bed.

Maya couldn’t remember much about what was happening that night. She was dizzy, momentarily conscious, then fell asleep again multiple times. Her head was spinning and she felt numb, all over her body. Sometimes, they forced her to drink what she would assume as alcohol, something she had never done her entire life. She puked and fainted, and the cycle repeated through the night, though honestly she didn’t know long has passed. She constantly could hear loud thumping music outside and when she caught a glimpse of her body, she saw herself naked, with bruises, and she also remembered a man’s body lying on top of her but the images were all blurry. She wanted to cry but couldn’t as she had no more energy.

***

“Hey.” A man’s voice is heard. Maya opened her eyes. The bright light from the window stung her eyes so she kept them half-open. That time she was fully conscious. She moved her aching body, quickly sat up.

“Where am I?” she asked frantically while she pulled a blanket to cover her naked body.

“You’re safe. That was great last night, what you did.” The man said as he stood up and pulled his trousers back. He then reached for a couple notes, and threw it on the bed. “Here’s a little extra for you.” He continued.

Maya was shocked. She presumed she was raped but at the same time, she was thinking of a way to get out of there. She reached for the man’s hand. “Please, sir! Take me out of here!” she pleaded as she began to cry.

The man snapped off her arm. Then he continued to put on his shirt. “Don’t act crazy.” He said in his deep husky voice. The man was around 6 foot tall by his look and he was a little muscular. Not like ripped, but he had athletic body. Maya quickly get on her knees and held the man’s leg.

“Please! Please!” she begged while she cried. “I have never done it before. You are my first.” She reasoned. “Take me away….”

The man then shrugged her off and went out the room. Maya was left all alone on the floor, in pain.

“Oh God, please help me!” she sobbed until her head began to hurt. “What did I do to deserve this.” She questioned herself. As she looked around, she saw bottles of alcohol, a used condom and some pills on the table. She cried harder as she couldn’t find the strength to even stand up and continue living.

Suddenly the door was opened.

“Come along.” The man who had left earlier came back. “I’m going to take you out of here.”

She suddenly felt a sense of hope, ignited by the words he said. She quickly dressed, and she took a towel from the room to cover her head again, as she didn’t have any scarf.

The walk out from the club was agonizing and shocking for Maya, as she had never before seen anything like that in her life. People dancing and drinking, red and blue lights blinking, loud music, everything was new for her.

As she got in his shining Audi A8, she began to question. “What happened last night, sir?”

The man started the engine as he looked at her deeply. “I thought you enjoyed it? I certainly do.”

“No… I… couldn’t even remember anything. Was there any other men other than you?”

“No I was the only one last night.”

She tried to hold her tears back as she gulped.

“It’s better for you to serve me alone. I bought you from the club.” He explained. She realized she could never be free.

“Can you please send me back to my family?” she pleaded again, this time softly. The man began to get angry.

“Can you just be happy I took you out from there?!” She was scared and remained silent.

The man drove away. She quietly sat by his side as she observed the city. Kuala Lumpur. She had never been here before. In fact, it was one of her dreams to see the city as she saw it all the time on TV. At least the beautiful skyline distracted her from what had happened to her.

“Can you please charge this?” the man said while they were on the way, as he handled her his Iphone 8.

“I… I really don’t know how, sir.” She said. He looked at her in confusion. As he tried to grab the phone from her hand, she quickly pulled her hand, afraid that he might touch her hand. He was stunned, realizing that this girl, was really something else. He himself is a Muslim but he had never met such a pious woman in his life. Also he had never practice Islamic teachings before.

As they arrived, he asked her to go inside the house. She was surprised. The house was a luxury bungalow, but very isolated from the city and it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

“This is my…. Other house.” He said. “I will not sleep here all the time because I will be at my parent’s house, with my fiancé.”

She nodded.

“I want you to stay here, tend to the house and make it as yours. I will buy you clothes and foods every day and you will give me your body when I need it. Deal?” he explained.

She stood in silence with her head looking down. Obviously she wasn’t happy with the arrangement but since she couldn’t beg for her freedom, she asked for one thing.

“Can I just ask you this one thing, sir?” She said shakily. “Marry me.”

He was stunned. He understood immediately why she wanted to do it. She was already willing but she just didn’t want to commit the sin of premarital sex, as it is prohibited in the religion.

“I will.” he assured.

To be continued…


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Sun Oct 29, 2017 2:19 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



Hi there!

So I found this story very interesting. Part of me wants to go, "I don't know, this seems a bit melodramatic..." but then at the same time I know human trafficking is a very real thing, as is abuse, and then also I have to remember that this takes place somewhere other than where I'm from and it might be common for fathers to sell their daughters as prostitutes.

(As it is, my area of the U.S. is a massive hub of human trafficking, so...I really can't pretend that doesn't happen.)

However, I think it would help if you slow things down a bit. This chapter isn't that long, but there's a ton of stuff packed into it! You've got Maya's father coming home and beating her, dragging her off somewhere and selling her as a prostitute, her being raped while unconscious, her pleading with the man to take her away from the brothel, and her asking the man to marry her so she won't be living in sin.

That's a lot, but it happens very quickly. I was able to understand what was going on, but it was difficult for me to really get into it because I didn't have much time with each event.

Probably the strongest section for me was the opening. Your pacing was much better there. You did a great job setting the scene, a small village, a worn-out mother, a pious girl whose religion is the only bright spot in her life, an abusive father. The hurry to get the clothes in out of the rain and the buildup of the rainstorm really set a tone of impending doom, which was fantastic.

So if you'd like to look at how to slow things down and set the scene further, I'd say: read back over the beginning! That's the kind of stuff that would slow the events down - possibly over the space of several chapters - and draw readers in more: description that sets a mood and paints a picture, characters interacting with the setting. And waiting. Even when the father arrived home, you didn't immediately have him swoop down and start beating people - you showed Maya see him before he arrived, you showed her warning her mother and her mother asking how he was, you showed Maya running to her room, praying, listening as she heard her mother getting beaten and knew she was next. All that waiting built tension. I was probably more concerned for Maya's safety at that point in the story than I was later on, when bad things happened quickly and all together.

Finally, I'm curious about the man who buys her. At first he's like, "Ugh, calm down, why are you asking me to buy you" but then he does. And then even though he's already engaged, he's like, "Sure, I'll marry you," no questions asked.

(Although perhaps polygamy is legal where this story takes place, and he simply doesn't want his fiancee to know about another wife.)

Slowing the scenes down would also give you more of a chance to hint at his motives, because right now I'm not sure why a not-very-pious Muslim who frequents brothels would take pity on a young prostitute and take her away to marry her. I don't need to know right now, but his behavior, tone of voice, and facial expressions throughout a slowed-down version of these scenes might give me some clues. Then, later on in the story, you could make it more definite.

Image




irsyad23 says...


Hey! Thank you so much for this in depth review. I want to pack the events in this chapter because i thought people would lose interest to read if I drag too long. But I guess that's not the case huh.

And yes, the man is engaged and polygamy, although frowned upon by society, is still legal where this story takes place. This does not however reflect the entire cultural norm in this place. I'm glad you liked this.



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Mon Oct 23, 2017 7:28 pm
zaminami wrote a review...



Hello, irsyad23! It’s Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside...

STOP! Grammar time!



I'm just going to mark the ones I can with red because I'm too lazy to write explanations.

the forty-year old wife to a drunkard had to look after a small paddy field that was just a pebble's throw away from their house.


long, straight black hair


“Mother, Dad is here!” she warned her.

“How is he?” her mother started to worry. The last time her husband came home, he was drunk and abusive. “Hurry up gGo to your room and lock the door!”


Five o' clock


I noticed you do this several times, so it deserves an explanation. You need to write out numbers in stories.

iPhone 8.


Also, he had never practice Islamic teachings before.


“Can I just ask you this one thing, sir?” she said shakily. “Marry me.”


“I will,” he assured.


Also, you have a lot of tense issues. Here are the suggestions relating to tense:

  1. Change all "is"s to "was," unless they are in dialogue.
  2. Go through and really look at all of the verbs. Are they in Simple Past Tense? Or any other past tenses?

Suggestions:



Her daily routine included making kuih pisang, a famous Malayan dish made of banana, to be sold across the small village.


You don't really need this. It's just a filler. I would recommend to delete this.

One thing was certain. She was in the city.


Don't just point it out. Show, don't tell, basically. I would describe the place around her instead of just saying it. I'm guilty of this too, I know I'm a hypocrite XD

she saw herself naked, with bruises, and she also remembered a man’s body lying on top of her but the images were all blurry.


This is not a suggestion. This is mature content, and you NEED to mark this story as that. Rape is a very mature topic, if you didn't know, and many people do not like reviewing rape. And if you actually put described rape - like you did - this needs to be 18+ instead. Also, put in the author's note that there is rape.

Thank you.

Also he had never practice Islamic teachings before.


That much is obvious. This is another filler that you can delete.

To be continued...


You don't need this either. It's obvious that it'll be continued, since this is the first chapter :3

Confusing things:



In the whole scene with the father abusing them, why didn't they contact the police? I get that they are a long way from civilization, but if someone was abusing me, I would contact authority right away.

Kuala Lumpur.


Wait, how did she know what city she was in? Earlier, she had no idea. But now she does? Huh?

He understood immediately why she wanted to do it. She was already willing but she just didn’t want to commit the sin of premarital sex, as it is prohibited in the religion.


First of all, how was he stunned but he understood immediately? Second, how did he know that it was a sin? I don't get it.

Other comments, reactions, and fangirling:



I will not sleep here all the time because I will be at my parent’s house, with my fiancé.”


Wait, fiancé?! So he's cheating on his fiancé? I hate this dude already. And later in the story he Is married to Maya, right? uGH

Overall:



Eh, pretty good, but I feel like the events move too fast. Maya is taken by her father, then she becomes a rape victim, and then she is immediately taken out of the club immediately? it just moves too fast. Also, CHANGE THE RATING. OH MY GOD, I HAD NO IDEA THAT THIS WOULD HAPPEN 0.o

Give me your soul --

Kara

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irsyad23 says...


Thank you so much for reading and revieiwing! I'm sorry I should've rated it 18 .

Regarding the tenses, if I want to make general statement that is still ongoing, should I use is or was?
For example : He himself is a Muslim but he had never met such a pious woman in his life.

I'm sorry I'm just confused. If I put "was", doesn't that imply he is no longer a Muslim?

Regarding the showing part, I did included "The buzzing streets, the orange street lamp." to imply that it's in the city, or at least somewhere that resembles a city.

Since Maya is from a very small isolated village, I don't think she can contact the police right away. I don't think she even has a phone. Maybe I should've stressed more on the village and how they live there?

Anyway, thank you. Just curious, do you review ALL stories published here? Because you are everywhere! I mean, great job. I hope I can read as much as you.



BluesClues says...


re: is vs. was, since the story is in past tense, you can use "he was a Muslim," and we'll know you mean he IS a Muslim but the story is just in past tense.

(If the story was all in present tense, then you'd put "he IS a Muslim.")

I hope that cleared things up for you!



zaminami says...


Yep, I pretty much do lol



irsyad23 says...


Ok. Thank you, guys.




You are beautiful because you let yourself feel, and that is a brave thing indeed.
— Shinji Moon