z

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

Girl of Fire and Brimstone (Part 2)

by AliceinBluue


This is how the story starts. Once upon a time, there was a girl born of fire and brimstone, she grew and so did her fire, she was told to suppress it, and she did, and she met another girl of fire and brimstone and was told to set her fire free, and she did. But this is not that story.

This is how the story goes. Once upon a time, a girl of fire and brimstone meets other children of fire and brimstone. They welcome her with open arms, but she falters. Already once she has been told to change who she is, and already once she has tried to be who she wants. She is scared she will be asked again, and that she will bend again.

But she covers her turmoil with a smile and goes to hug them back. No one notices her hesitance. Or if they do, they do not comment on it. After all, she is not the first who has been told to conform, and nor will she be the last. They will help her grow confident as they were helped, they will stoke her fire so that she is brilliant again. And when the next one comes, she will do the same. They know this pattern.

They wrap her up in their own fires, and they show her all she could be, all she will be. And for the first time in many long years, the girl of fire and brimstone feels like she is home.

This is how the story goes. The children of fire and brimstone do not always get along, the fight and sparks fly, but few are burned. Because the children of fire and brimstone feel too deeply, so while they love with abandon, they must choose who they hate, who they wish to burn, with care.

But when they celebrate, when they are happy, oh how they burn. They warm each other up, they feed each other. Alone, they are a candle, together they are a bonfire. And this is the part that the girl of fire and brimstone falls in love with. The part that makes her feel brighter than ever before. This is why she fights to keep her fire uncontained. So that she can feel this wild joy leap through her skin and burry itself deep inside her. So that she too can be a part of this breathing joy.

This is how the story goes. The children of fire and brimstone introduce the girl to others, to a variety of children she never would have thought possible. For while there are children of fire, hot and wild, and children of ice, cold and calculating. There are also children of earth, steady and unbreakable, children of wind, flighty and playful, children of stardust, bright and flickering, and children of darkness, cool and mysterious.

And the girl of fire and brimstone befriends them all. She smiles for each of them and gets them to laugh. She is sharp and witty and she is silent and thoughtful.

But still, the girl is hesitant with everyone but her brothers and sisters of fire. She knows only what life has taught her, and it has taught her to be wary of the ones who would see you change. And she is not sure yet if they will truly accept her, or if they will demand she change again.

This is how the story goes. The girl of fire and brimstone is taught a new lesson. She learns that in every group there is bad and good. And the girl learns how to pick them out. She learns the warning signs for people who would have you change. Learns the too sweet smiles and the clenched fists.

And she learns how to fight back. How to inject steel into her spine and make her fire rage for her. She learns how to shut them down, how to stand her ground and make them quiver with just a look from her eyes.

This is how the story goes. The girl of fire and brimstone makes a hodge podge family for herself, with a mixing of all children. Her smiles are real and when they open their arms, she is quick to fall into them. She learns to love her mixed matched family fiercely with all her heart and all her fire, for children of fire and brimstone do not know any other way to love.

This is how the story starts. Once upon a time there was a girl of fire and brimstone who did what was asked of her and tried to be something she was not. And once upon a time, she was shown she did not have to be what other wanted her to be, only what she wanted to be.

This is how the story goes. Once upon a time, the girl met others like her and they taught her to trust them. And then she met others who were not like her, and they taught her to trust them too.

This is how the story goes. Once upon a time, a girl of fire and brimstone learned how to spot the ones who would do her harm, and she learned how to fight them off. She learned how to spot those who would do harm to the ones she loved too, and she learned how to be merciless with them.

This is how the story ends. Once upon a time, there was a man. He was warped and twisted, and very good at hiding it. Later, people would ask if he had been born warped or if it had been planted and allowed to fester inside of him. But the girl of fire and brimstone does not know to ask these questions, she does not have the gift of foresight.

This is how the story ends. Once upon a time there was a man, warped and twisted inside, and he brought death in his wake and death in his hands.

This is how the story goes. Children of fire and brimstone do not know how to love unless it is with their whole bodies. Unless it is with everything that they are. Everything that they could be.

This is how the story ends. Once upon a time, there was a man with death in his hands and he pointed it at an unusual family. And there was a girl who loved them with all that she was and all that she could be.

There was a girl of fire and brimstone who could only scream as a man threatened death to the people she loved most, her raging fire useless against his metal death.

This is how the story ends. The big decisions are easy. The smaller ones are harder. Deciding what colors to wear and what to entertain yourself with is hard. Deciding to step in front of death and the ones you love, that’s easy.

Because children of fire love with their whole bodies, their whole souls, and everything in between.

This is how the story ends. Because fires were not made to last.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
1735 Reviews


Points: 91980
Reviews: 1735

Donate
Wed Sep 27, 2017 12:34 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



Wow, dang. It's a good thing I know the story continues after this, or I'd be like "????????noooooo too sad!!!!!!!!!!!"

ANYWAY.

This is how the story starts. Once upon a time, there was a girl born of fire and brimstone, she grew and so did her fire, she was told to suppress it, and she did, and she met another girl of fire and brimstone and was told to set her fire free, and she did. But this is not that story.


Question: is this meant to be three separate but related stories? If so, then this first paragraph is okay, although it's kind of a little mini infodump. But if this is meant to all be one continuous story, this paragraph is unnecessary: we just read about this whole thing happening, and it's weaker than the rest of the story. In that case, it would work better as a separate author's note to let new readers catch up on the story and get a feel for your style.

I'd also like to know more about the man with death in his hands. Is he a murderer? Did he try to abuse someone in her family and she fought with him? I don't think you need to be really explicit about it, but some clues would be helpful!




User avatar
35 Reviews


Points: 1278
Reviews: 35

Donate
Tue Sep 26, 2017 4:06 pm
wendylau98 wrote a review...



Hello, Wendy is here for a review on the second, I promise this time will be a quite review!

She covers her turmoils with a smile. <she covers her conflicts> it's more suitable because the above paragraph was talking about the fear she's having.

No one notices her hesitance. <hesitation> would be more suitable.

as they were helped. <as they helped / as they were helpful> is/are/was/were followed by -ing.

she will do the same <they would do the same>? because a newcomer would be helped by a number of people, she is included in the "they."

the fight and sparks fly <they fight and sparks fly>

they must choose who they hate, who they wish to burn, with care <They must choose whom they hate, whom they wish to burn, with care>.

WHO vs WHOM vs WHOSE (basically)
Who- answer of a subject pronoun (he, she)
Whom- answer of an object pronoun (him, her)
Whose - answer to a belonging (his, hers)

Find out more at: http://study.com/academy/lesson/who-who ... -whos.html

to keep her fire uncontained <uncontain> The whole story is in present tense.

burry itself deep inside her <bury itself deep within her> it is more suitable.

Ohhh, I like the varieties of children. Not sure I'm wind or stardust and a little earth. Water? calm and flexible?

gets them to laugh <made them laugh>

She is sharp and witty and she is silent and thoughtful. 3 ands in a sentence, yikes. <She is smart and witty as she is silent and thoughtful.>

But still, the girl is hesitant <the girl hesitates> It is not wrong, however, but it should be showing her action instead her persona.

what life has taught her, <what life had taught her>
it has taught her to be... <it had taught her to be...>

they will demand she change again <demand she to change again>

for people who would have you change< of people who would have her change>

have to be what other wanted her to be <have to be what others wanted her to be>

death in his wake and death in his hands <darkenss in his wake and death in his hands> It is nice!

I LOVE THE ENDING, DRAMATIC TWIST AND EVERTHING. I Will countinue part 3 in the future.

That's it for know.

~Wendy




User avatar
802 Reviews


Points: 18884
Reviews: 802

Donate
Sun Sep 24, 2017 5:30 am
Dracula wrote a review...



Alright, here I am for part 2. :D

This is how the story starts. Once upon a time, there was a girl born of fire and brimstone, she grew and so did her fire, she was told to suppress it, and she did, and she met another girl of fire and brimstone and was told to let her fire go, and she did.
Okay, so this is a great summary of part one. I hadn't forgotten what had happened, but if I had, this would have refreshed my memory one hundred percent. The only thing I'm not sure about is 'told to let her fire go'. Letting it go sounds to me like getting rid of it. I would suggest rewording it to something along the lines of her fire being freed.

They will help her grow confidant as they were helped,
Just a spelling error here. Confident.

Alone, they are a candle, together they are a bonfire.
Woah! This is my favourite part. It's so powerful and meaningful.

But still, the girl is hesitant will everyone but her brothers and sisters of fire.
Another nitpick: The girl is hesitant WITH everyone...

This is how the story ends. Because fires were not made to last.
This last line is also powerful, albeit morbid. I liked the moral of this second half. How she learnt that there are all different kinds of children, all worthy of love. That one group of people are not good or bad, but there can be good and bad individuals in the world. Thanks for sharing!




AliceinBluue says...


Yay! So glad you came back for part 2!!! Thank you for the corrections, they have been made! I'm so glad you liked the second part! It was originally supposed to be just one part but my friend convinced me to write more for it, so I wasn't sure if it would work and I'm so glad to know it did!!!! I hope you will come back for part three(wink wink wink)!!!!!



Dracula says...


I definitely will! Let me know when it's posted. :)



Dracula says...


I definitely will! Let me know when it's posted. :)



AliceinBluue says...


Its been posted!!! :D



User avatar
21 Reviews


Points: 560
Reviews: 21

Donate
Sat Sep 23, 2017 9:34 pm
View Likes
WyvrynScribe wrote a review...



I absolutely love the style. It is very unique and different, and personally I find it quite refreshing. The descriptions can feel a bit repetitive at times, and overall there is a lot of repetition, but I think that you use it wonderfully. There are a few grammatical errors, but that will always happen and it doesn't detract from the story as a whole. I recommend proofreading it carefully. The story advances nicely from the previous part, and the twist is nice and very fulfilling. I'm looking forward to see what else you come up with!




AliceinBluue says...


Hello! I am so incredibly happy that you liked the second part! Glad you liked my twist at the end! I will certainly go back through and proof read again, but if you want to point m in the general directions of some mistakes I could fix, it would be helpful, I can't always see around myself sometimes! Thank you so much for your review!!!! It made my day!




So, please, oh please, we beg, we pray, go throw your TV set away, and in its place you can install a lovely bookcase on the wall.
— Roald Dahl