The Gate.

Hi! So I like simple titles a lot sometimes, especially when they're a household object or something that you wouldn't normally think to write a poem about and The Gate grabbed my attention so good work.

1. I don't think there's a need to rhyme in a poem which is short and which has short lines because you have to make every word count in this style and whenever we write a rhyming poem, we're always forcing our words just a little because we're very focused on the style. Alternatively if you're really keen to keep the rhymes, maybe make the rhythm match - make it a very quick, fast moving poem. Like:

He's never too late
to open the gate
and he goes through his mind,
at the end to fine
that inner peace for his further life (I think live doesn't work here as people will generally read it as to live and then it won't rhyme with five. Usually we'll only say the kind of live which rhymes when he say alive or a live wire.)

2. You've got a typo at the end - should be strength.

Overall

While I like the metaphor of the gate I don't think this poem is long enough at the moment or that it tells us enough about the 'he'in the poem. When does he need to open this gate? What in his life brings him to the point of seeking help from God and are there ever times when it's hard to reach/ accept the inner peace? At the moment we don't know a lot about the persona or what makes him different to any other person - we only know that he believes in God and that he always turns to him in time but we don't know what is happening in his life that makes him need to seek that reassurance or why he trusts so willingly in God.

I hope that gives you a few things to think about!

~Heather

Carly's here:
This isn't exactly a review to the poem but more of an analysis. The poem is quite vague, but I made out a thing or two from it, which made me appreciate the work even better.. I'd like for you to correct if my analysis is wrong...so here goes.

Hi dear! Welcome back to YWS, am a new member myself, and I see you used to be here. Anyway great work right there. it's very brief, and so much detail isn't revealed in it.

I'm trying to understand the gate to be a new life from the one the person in question used to have..I understood that he was scared of welcoming that new life, probably because of past experiences in his former. that's why this line:
** He counts until five
again, he opens the gate**
I try to see counting to five meant contemplating if to accept this new world or not, and when he eventually decides to try this new life, he discovered it was much better than the former, thus:
** it's filled with strenght and Faith.**

Strength to go through it heads up like an adult, and faith that he can make it this time (despite failures and disappointments in life.) It's like starting a new chapter in life, this time more courageous.

Hi there pieceofcake and welcome to YWS once again! I saw in a post that you used to be Lucy--in that case, welcome back to the site...from a very long break! 2005 is quite the long time ago to have joined and I'm surprised that you found us again because I wouldn't expect someone who hasn't been on for twelve years to suddenly make a reappearance. If you haven't noticed, we've changed a lot since then and the site looks different and all of that sort, but no worries. We're still Young Writers Society and we're still kicking! That being said, let's kick our way into this review.

I can see that the rhyme scheme of this piece (which I found to be rather short and broad instead of long and in depth or short and more minimalist) is AABBCCDD until the end of the poem and that only runs once because there are only eight lines. The odd part about the poem is what I mentioned earlier--the poem isn't necessarily minimalist and instead takes the approach that doesn't use as much detail and where others can self-insert their own lives into the piece.

I can't say that last part is all that true here because in this case we're also following a bit of a narrative instead of a defined speaker about this person (a vague one at that) goes through a gate which I have to assume holds other significance perhaps to religion or personal beliefs because I am totally and utterly confused.

I see that this is also labelled as spiritual so that can't be a possibility that's too far off but yes, I am left wondering what the poem is about and if the gate is a metaphor for anything and why he passes through the gate. While words such as 'strength' and 'faith' are okay to use, explain yourself. Go into more detail than that and use imagery. Tell us more about the gate. Show us why the gate is important and go from there in making this piece even stronger with editing and revision.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.