Young Writers Society

Hey there! MJ stopping by for a short review.

A longing that became religion

Captured just as lonesome minds

This is deep, l agree when you say that "Love is just a desire"

Hello EmilyRMaiorano! I'm stopping by for a quick review! I like your poem and the idea behind it. So many people talk about love being the driving force of life, however you went and said, "Love is a lie." I enjoyed how different it was from most romantic poetry because it was pretty much, in my view, antiromantic. The only thing that needs a little tweeking is your stanzas (I have problems with them too). For this poem I think instead of having your poem being line by line, if that makes any sense, you might try just writing it how you would a normal story. I'm not saying that it's necessary because it is your poem and you can write it how you want In short, I like your poem and think it's great. Keep up your awesome writting!

Hey there EmilyRMaiorano,
Myjaspercat here to leave you a review.

I do not believe in love Place a period here. I think that having this line as a single sentence will hit a good emotion.
Never am I to share the overwhelming affection
Or revel in a kiss Two things; one place a period here and two lowercase the 'or' at the beginning of the line.
For it is only a hoax *Insert comma*
A phenomenon poets invented
To entice us into this hopeless search What hopeless search? Also place a period here and lowercase the beginning of the past two lines.
They manipulated this concept to be so captivating
That it must have been experienced *insert comma* to be so tangible in their words *insert comma*
[but] I have channeled them so deeply
That I uncovered their lie *insert period*
A longing that became religion
Until each prayer only manifested in dreams *Insert period* Okay, I'm slightly confused in these last two lines. I'm pretty sure you're talking about the 'lie' that you uncovered here, but I don't think it really flows well. It's rather odd reading to me. Maybe you could add something like 'it was [...]' at the beginning of the first line.
But love is just [a] desire *insert comma*
A condescending conspiracy
Driven with the need to be included *insert period* Lowercase this line and the previous one.
Love is just an excuse
It is [a] suppressed emotion
That is so undiagnosable This thought feels a little underdeveloped. For me at least, it reads like it's supposed to be "[...] un-diagnosable, but..." but there's no but and I'm just left here wondering.
We look to fiction What do we look to fiction for. I'm assuming love as that's what the topic of the poem is, but I would like to see a little more.
Love is not a bonding force *insert comma*
Or an act of forgiveness I would remove the 'or' from this line. *insert comma*
Or a revelation *insert period.*
It is just a deception Hyphen or comma here, I would use a hyphen personally.
It is only a syllable
With an empty definition *insert period.*
It is the enigma
Of desperate writers
Whose heightened philosophy
[is(?)]Captured just as lonesome minds