Hi, Shea! Back again.
This definitely improves on the first instalment. There's more action and interaction, and the conclusion is dramatic and hard-hitting (if a little expected, given how you alluded to her misfortune at the outset of the story). Same as last time, I'll start with nitpicks and close with overall thoughts.
Nitpicks
“Sounds perfect.” I agreed,
You're still making the same punctuation errors - you should have a comma after 'perfect' rather than a full stop. However, I'm assuming this is because you wrote this part before I critiqued the previous instalment, so I won't point out the other instances where this happens. I'll leave it up to you to comb through the dialogue when you come back to revise this chapter.
“You know I love it, Ari. That’s why we are going to a ballet after all. Classical music is the music of my life. You know that.”
Definitely agree with MJ on this bit of dialogue. It labours the point too much.
He shook his head jokingly at me and changed the subject,
Full stop after 'subject', not a comma.
“So I hear that you’ve been doing well in school. Is that true or just something your parents made up to make prouder of you than I already am?”
Make me prouder, you mean.
After eating, and shopping for hours
I'd delete that comma.
“Hi. I have an order for Ari.”
I doubt he'd use his first name. More likely he'd have placed the order under his surname.
The man nodded and disappeared into the back room. Returning in a moment with a small box that he immediately put in Ari’s hand.
Change the full stop after 'room' to a comma.
Of course, I couldn’t speak Greek even slightly, but I would have to look up the phrase at home
'But' doesn't feel like the right conjunction - it's adversative and suggests a contrast. Maybe change it to: 'I couldn't speak Greek even slightly, so I would have to look up the phrase at home'.
His jaw clenched at my question, as our mother had always been a touchy subject for me.
It sounds more like it's more of a touchy subject for him, to be honest. Ever doesn't seem that fazed by asking about her mother.
I remember nights where she would come into my room, and sleep in my bed.
Delete the comma.
“You on the other hand, are not so beautiful.”
I'd put a comma after 'you'.
“Do you remember her?” I asked suddenly,wanting to hear more about the woman that gave birth to me.
Try not to spell out the reason why a character has asked something if you can help it. Ideally, we should be able to figure out the motivations from the dialogue itself.
“I do,” He murmured,avoiding my question.
Same here. You're telling too much. Maybe say that he stops making eye contact or something - some kind of body language that suggest he doesn't want to talk about it.
I waited several minutes to reply, hoping that he would decide to tell me more.
Several minutes is AGES in conversation. Trust me, as someone who studies language and has done transcriptions, even a one or two-second-long silence would be enough for her to figure out whether he was going to elaborate or not. If she paused for minutes, he'd think the subject was over completely. You could easily change it to:
I paused for a moment, hoping he would tell me more.
And it would be fine. But minutes is definitely far too long.
“She couldn’t, Ever. This is why I didn’t tell you! Teenagers don’t understand things like this, and I knew you wouldn’t,” He said, sounding slightly angry.
He's being unrealistically unreasonable here, I think. He hasn't given her any proper explanation for why their mother gave them away, so he can't flip his lid when she doesn't understand it. Given that he's a grown adult, I'd expect him to have a bit more awareness about the issue.
I blacked out five seconds before our car flippedthree times.
It's a great last line, but I think it would be better with that last bit cut off. It almost feels too specific. I think the simplicity of the sentence is what gives it its power.
Overall Thoughts
1) Showing and telling is something I think you ought to focus more on. I think someone brought it up in a previous review, but I'll go over it briefly here. Showing and telling are two types of writing techniques. Telling involves stating something to the reader in explicit terms (e.g. 'I was happy') whereas showing involves implying it and letting the reader gather the meaning for themselves (e.g. 'lightness bubbled in my chest'). They're both important, but showing is the one that new writers tend to struggle with most, and it's the one you need to pay most attention to.
Let's take this line:
...he said, sounding slightly angry. I didn’t reply to him, hurt by the fact that he thought I was acting immaturely. This wasn't how this was supposed to go.
The bits in bold are the most glaring bits of telling writing. You only state that Ari sounds angry and state that Ever feels hurt. If you were to show it, you would have to be more specific, more descriptive. Let's look at it against a comparison of mine:
...he said, his voice rising. I didn't reply, tears stinging my eyes. This wasn't how this was supposed to go.
If you say Ari's voice rises, you imply that he's angry rather than just telling us. If you say that Ever has tears in her eyes, you show that she's sad rather than just informing us. It's more immersive. It doesn't spoonfeed the reader information so they have to engage with the words and fill the gaps themselves.
Showing and telling is a huge topic and it is by no means an easy thing to master - ten years of writing and I still haven't cracked it. However this article is great at explaining more about the techniques and what good showing and good telling look like. It's very short and worth a read if you've got the chance.
2) Some of your dialogue is a touch wordy and overly formal. Make sure you read it aloud if you don't already, putting in pitch and intonation like an actor would. See if it feels natural to say. If it doesn't, play around with it until it does.
I'll call the review here. I hope this was helpful! I'll get round to reviewing the next instalment soon. As always, I'm looking forward to more.
Keep writing!
~Pan
All of your critiques were really helpful, and I will go over everything when I am set to edit. Everything you said makes sense, and I will work on them! 
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