Hi there! Here to review as requested!
So, I found the poem to be pretty funny, with the right blend of humor, drama, and even some fear going on there.
Word Choice
Overall your word choice in the piece was spot-on and seemed to fit the time period/tone of being sort of medieval or ancient wisdom. I thought using the word oxygen in this line seemed a bit off though: "Food will be as meaningless as oxygen" - almost too scientific.
In this line: "And those things slowed down" I think a substitute to the word "things" would fit better and be less generic (maybe functions, actions, motions?).
I'm going to note that I thought these lines a bit odd: "Sila laid a hand on the boy's neck/
And found nothing at all." it makes it sound like the boys head was gone.
Overall Impressions
My first thought I had when reading this piece was that it seemed to read a bit like a fable or like a story that's been passed down for generations. The formal language and simple plot structure added to that. With that being said, I could see how this could fit into short story, script, or poetry. Having the added line breaks does add to some of the drama (the reader is forced to read slowly and more easily separate the characters). Being put into poem form though, some readers may be looking for more consistency in line lengths and other poetic conventions. I would say for the most part the line lengths didn't bother me, but there were 3 or 4 that stuck out as being super long that could maybe be chopped in half to keep the flow of the poem going a bit better.
I also have to comment on the ending! I was sitting on the edge of my seat kind of following along as Sila adopts this young boy then trades his life for the life of the boy with the demon. Then in the end seemingly the boy dies? (as I'm reading it) and the demon ends up taking Sila to live with him? The ending left me a bit confused and surprised, as for the rest of the story I assumed the mid-story interruptions were being done between Sila and the young boy, and that the boy would be rescued eventually. But by the end, I wonder if the argument is really between Sila and the demon (which is an odd turn of events). I like that it's ambiguous but I wonder if you could make it a bit more clear in the end of the story.
Also because I read this piece as kind of a fable, I expected there to be a really apparent moral at the end of the story. The only theme I'm picking up on is not to sell your soul to demons even if you think it's for the right reasons, it won't turn out well in the end. I'm not sure if you were intending another theme to come through, but that's what I interpreted it to be.
Overall, you do have quite a bit of skill in the humor department! Throughout I though it was done really well. I think my big suggestion would be to clear up a bit of the loose ends in the end of the poem - who are the speakers? what is the theme (even if it's a silly one)? Nice work overall though!
Please let me know if you have any questions about my review! And best of luck in your future writing.
~alliyah
Points: 144125
Reviews: 1227
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