Young Writers Society

Okay, I really like this! Especially, the part where you say, "A new tree grows The new leaves fall And the cylce starts again," (16-18 Tylexie). I like the portrayal of us, of how even though we hurt the world that everything comes back together and heals and continues on. In honesty, this is a really well formed piece that links us to the world and the world to us. The only thing I can see that could be fixed, though it necessarily doesn't need to be, is puncuation. Like I said before, you don't need to add puncuation because it is a poem and poems can go outside the normal puncuation structure. It mostly depends on the writer. I enjoyed your poem and the flow of it!

Hey, it's MemoryHunter here to review your poem!

Right off the bat, your poem reminds me of Japanese poetry or poems about nature in general. I like the metaphors you went with here, but I think it would have been better to describe the world even further. We are greeted with concepts and intangible ideas, which would have been better explained with more descriptive language. It's talking about nature and our never-ending cycle, so perhaps you could add some words describing the world more, like how the leaves look, the sound of wind, the appearance of the tree, etc.

Aside from that, I thought the ending was lovely. It makes us wonder about these kinds of things - how everything is a cycle of dying and living, and how we'll eventually fade away, but life will still sprout from our graves. It's a simple poem, and gives us ample insight into the workings of the universe. I love it.

To summarize, your poem could be improved with more descriptive language, but it's still up to you if you want this to lean towards imagery more. You have great potential, and I would definitely read more of your works!

Happy writing~

KJSJKJFGJSFGSGFJHFGJFGJGF LET ME JUST SAY THAT WAS FREAKING AMAZING. MY SMILE I SWEAR WAS LIKE THE CHESHIRE CAT READING THIS OMG.

So, hi. XD. I went to the green room and was like OMG ITS TYLEXIE.

Anywho, I love how simple this is. But how great it is at the same time. I swear this is the best poem I've ever heard on YWS. It's AMAZING. I love how this rhymes, and how it's built. It's so simple just a tree and a leaf, but it represents SO MUCH. It's amazing. I'm one to love metaphors, which is why in the green room I always look for poetry. This poem is outstanding. I'm very impressed. Actually, impressed is a very big understatement.

I love the inspiration in this poem. It's so relateable with society. I love it.

The ONLY thing that I would like to say, is that "But never to just drift" sounds a little choppy. The only thing I would say is to switch "just" and "to" to make it "But never just to drift." To me it sounds a little smoother, but that might just be me.

All in all, AMAZING. I loved this work, and it was great.

I will be looking for your name in the green room in the future, not only because we've kind of been reviewing back and forth, but because your work is so pleasing. It's amazing, I ABSOLUTELY 287/10 114786% LOVE IT.

Sincerely, Bailey Matwiiw.