Young Writers Society

Hello again, just a few more thoughts for Review Day!

This poem has a good rhythm that you establish right away and keep throughout the poem, so good job with that.

Something to be careful about, however, is that when you're trying to give a poem a rhyme scheme, you should avoid at all cost ending two lines with the same word (in this case 'all'). Even though they're in separate stanzas so it's not like you're trying to rhyme them with each other, it still feels like you're trying to get away with something to the reader and becomes a bit distracting from the actual meaning of the poem itself.

I don't think it's necessary, but if you do decide to edit this poem, I would suggest trying it once with punctuation marks put in, just to test it out and see if it added anything. I'm not sure it will, but I'd be rather curious to see what they'd do to the flow and readability of the poem. It also might be cool, since the poem is about narcissistic behavior, to only capitalize the word 'I' in the poem and not the first of every line as well. I don't know, it might end up appearing cheesy, but it's just something to think about. I'll leave that to your own artistic interpretation.

Great poem! Nicely done. And I love the title, it was really intriguing.

~alliyah
This review has been brought to you by Team Cardinals! Happy Review Day!!

Hi. This is Kman134. I'm here to review your work.

honestly, i know what it's like dealing with narcissists and having to deal with one. my parents have been divorced since i was born and for years, it has effected me in a certain way. the reason is because my father was a complete narcissist and a hedonist, having relationships left and right, and not even acknowledging his own faults or admitting that most of his relationships failed because of him.

anyways, this poem was perfect. i couldn't find any flaws with it. although the rhyming did seem a little forced, to be honest, like in this one: "Just wearing a different skin/Oh how I wish I could change/And become that of my kin". i know someone already pointed this out, but i just wanted to make a remark about it.

the ending of the poem gave me a very shakespearian vibe, which makes a good homage to the greatest author in the Elizabethan era, such as using "Thyself" and "waver". something that is barely used in modern day poetry

anyway, this is a pretty good poem. i hope to read more.

Hello, hello, gxldencrxwns here for a review.

When I read the description, I though this poem was going to talk bad about Narcissists in relationships, and I almost skipped over it, I'm narcissist myself and I get talked bad about because of it. But I realized that wasn't the case, so thanks for that.

I like this, although some of the rhymed seem forced. For example:
"Just wearing a different skin/and become that of my kin."
It doesn't really seem to naturally, it seems a bit forced. I would suggest changing that last sentence to something else.

I saw no grammar or spelling mistakes, so good job on that. It had powerful line that are mentioned in the last review.

Keep writing!
~gxldencrxwns

Hey NightScape! Becca here for a quick review.

I definitely hear your sentiment at the end about not editing poems. I get the initial resistance towards making edits after you just write the poem, but am definitely pro edits after hearing feedback.

Overall, I thought this was a great poem with some really good lines, but I do have a few suggestions for how it could be even stronger.

I loved "From one monster to another/Just wearing a different skin," and "For love vested in others/Is the most fruitless kind of labour." I thought those lines were really powerful.

My biggest criticism is with the rhyme scheme. It feels very forced, and I don't think it enhances the poem at all. I would suggest playing with other musical qualities like internal rhyming, alliteration and assonance. Obviously your call as the author.

Hope this was helpful. Keep writing!