z

Young Writers Society


16+ Mature Content

Lady of the Night

by 343GuiltySpark


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

Fahrwood forest, washed in a milky white light, echoed with consistent chirping and a full moon shone bright in the sky. Leaves rustled in a smooth breeze as it blew through the trees. In a small clearing in the middle of the forest lay a man, probably in his twenties, unconscious.

A soft sensation on his forehead brought him back to his senses. A kiss...

He supported himself with both his hands as he sat up and looked around. Figure of a young woman hid behind a tree veiled in the dark. He rushed to the tree to find nothing but a sound of woman's laughter coming from another tree in the opposite direction. In the light of the moon, he followed the sound as dry leaves crunched beneath his feet. Every time he thought he had found the source of the laughter, the sound seemed to come from somewhere else.

Presently, he came upon a creek. As moonlight reflected from its waters bubbling over rocks, it seemed as if it were liquid silver flowing instead of water. And there she sat on one of the rocks with water all around her. She had set her feet in the water and was singing in a soft melodic voice. The song although not particularly discernible was certainly melancholic as suggested by its tone. Clothed in a long black dress with a camisole bodice, her hair falling down on her breasts in curls, she was a beautiful young woman. Her fair and flawless skin gleamed in the moonlight. Muscles of her shapely neck moved rhythmically as she sang in her hypnotic voice. He was drawn to her voice as an unsuspecting sailor is drawn towards the sirens' song, to his untimely doom.

Wings pierced beneath the trees

Songs of winter the wolves will sing

She took his face between the palms of her hands,caressing it lightly with the back of her hand. Her oceanic blue eyes took him in their depth as he stood there staring, frozen like a mountain of ice.

"So like him..." she whispered softly.

He did not understand and he did not care. "So tranquil and serene..." he commented. "So peaceful like death itself."

"I have been waiting for you." she said.

"I have been looking for you."

He took her hand in his and she stood up from her seat on the wet rock. He bowed down, held her right hand up and kissed it with his lips. She sighed a little.

"I am exhausted! Please take me to where I live." She asked him.

And so he lifted her in his arms and began walking along the side of the creek. Mild scent of jasmine emanated from her body.

A little farther from the creek stood her shack with thatched roof. Inside lay a comfortable wooden bed where he laid her slowly. She snapped her fingers and a candle flared up and darkness gave way to modest lighting. Then she sat up on her bed and slid the straps of her long black dress off her shoulders. The top of her dress fell to her waist giving way to two naked breasts that would cause envy to even the goddess of beauty. She took his hands and pressed them against her chest.

Passion pulsated in the shack as the pair made love to each other. She breathed heavily as he kissed her neck and stroked her hair. She let out a sigh as he ran his lips over her breasts and nipples, now hard as stones.

She tore the buttons of his shirt as she ripped the shirt off his body. He wanted every bit of her. He pulled her long back dress, still stuck at her waist, down and off so as to expose her legs and feet. She lay completely naked.

At he sight of what he had uncovered beneath the black dress, he had an expression on his face comparable to a farmer's who finds his farm burning down that he had spent months ploughing. But he was not horrified, just perplexed. "Can it be possible?" He questioned, looking at her backward facing feet.

"That I am a churel*?" She asked to confirm. "A monster so to speak?"

He did not reply; he knew not how to.

"Yes, I am a churel," she declared as she quickly got off the bed, stood up and slid on her black dress rushing to cover her backwards facing feet with the long skirt of her dress. "But I wasn't one always."

"How did you become...this?"

"I was a royal dancer at the court of king Bhimdev of Vindh. A beautiful young lass that I was, the king took a fancy to me. The king bought me presents--jewelleries and things other ladies of the court could only dream of. I was never left wanting for luxuries." She paused and took a deep breath. "But the queen never liked me. Many a time she threatened me and tried to throw me out of the court, but the king paid no heed to her demands. She feared that she was losing the king to me. And her fears were not unwarranted, for I loved the king and he loved me dearly also. Once she caught me in her own bed with the king making love to him. She was pregnant at the time. As goddess Gaia herself is the patron of pregnant ladies, through her she put a curse on me to forever be dead but not completely. To forever live in a twisted form except on the night of full moon if I wish, bound to the woods in a state of loneliness."

Slowly, her appearance changed. In place of her lovely small hands appeared sharp talons. Her small teeth gave way to long hooked fangs. Her smooth and soft skin now seemed flaky and rotten. Her pretty curly hair turned into a mass of spider web.

"This is my true form." She declared. "This is my story of how I became...this monstrosity. But I avenged this wrongdoing by taking her son away from her. I take you, now, as my husband and companion. A family was denied to me in life so I won it in death."

"So, I am dead? I suspected this much. Yet, I don't feel any hate or anger or despair over my fate. It is so tranquil and serene, so peaceful like death itself! I will pay for my mother's wrongs. I now join you in death."

Sounds of at least a dozen approaching footsteps reverberated in the atmosphere. "Prince Shourya! Prince! Shouya!" They shouted.

"The royal guards are looking for me," said the prince.

"I haven't had human blood for a while." The churel said with a wicked smile.

"Let us go then!"

---------------------THE END-----------------------

*The Churel, also spelled as Chuiaels, Cijurreyls, Churreyl, Chudail, Chudel, Chuṛail, Cuḍail or Cuḍel (Hindi: चुडैल, Urdu: چڑیل‎) is a female demon in South-East Asia, and well known in India, Bangladesh and Pakistan.


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35 Reviews


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Reviews: 35

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Sat Sep 16, 2017 4:49 pm
wendylau98 wrote a review...



Hey! Here for a review.

Below are some hugglughted point needed to be pointes out.

1. Palm of the hand. A palm would always indicate the inside of the hand. Repeating description.

2 King Bhimdev. The King is a name calling require capital letter.

3.i loved the king and he loved me dearly also. He loved me dearly too. Also would indicate another person other than the person 'I' love is in loved with me..

4.With the King making love to him............... to me.

5. The crossover myth of Southeast Asia and Greek Mythology left me stunt. Crossover of Greek-Roman-christianity are pretty common. But to have Southeast asia in the mix. Purely creative! What's next? Potianak is Dracula 5 times cousin twice removed? Looking forward to it!

6. When someone meets a legendary monster. One can't stay calm like that prince even if you're a prince... The emotional development is very lacking. And even if he was hypnotized, it need to show he was fighting off thr hypnotism.

Anyway, great story! I love the crossover "episode" about a Chudel and Gaia. My personal favourite would be myth and I'm living in SEA, so I ever heard the legend of Chudel in camping or sleepover.

~Wendy




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24 Reviews


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Sun Jun 18, 2017 9:58 pm
Lumos wrote a review...



Hi there! I feel as if your story was a little rushed. I agree with Elijah - I find it strange he willingly accepted a fate like that. I also found it strange he didn't question how he ended up in the middle of a forest at night? Maybe some sort of magic?

It seems the Churel is trying to work some magical love charm on the guy, but it feels a little forced. I'm not well-versed in love-making scenes, but I just didn't feel any lust.

[quote]At he sight of what he had uncovered beneath the black dress, he had an expression on his face comparable to a farmer's who finds his farm burning down that he had spent months ploughing. But he was not horrified, just perplexed.[a/quote]

I find these two sentences contradict each other. If a farmer (or really anybody) spent months of hard work on something, to find it be destroyed in a fire, they're expression would be horrified. Perhaps find a better analogy for this part?

[quote] As goddess Gaia herself is the patron of pregnant ladies, through her she put a curse on me to forever be dead but not completely.[a/quote]

I had to read this part several times. At first I thought the queen was a goddess, but after reading it a few times, I think the queen isn't a goddess? I would suggest rewording this to read easier.

Also, I am not sure if I missed something, but how did he die? Both of the characters seemed to agree he was dead at the end of the story, but I'm a little confused how that happened.

This was an interesting story! It's interesting the way the main character views the Churel, and isn't frightened. I'm curious why he wasn't frightened and why he never questioned the situation. Does this mean he's also some sort of demon?

Overall, a good start to your story!






Thank your for your helpful review. I did leave many points obscure because I thought it would enable the readers to interpret the story in their own way, but now I see I failed to get that effect.
As to why he wasn't frightened, he is dead and doesn't feel fear, anger, etc.
And yes, the queen is not a goddess. She puts the curse on the court dancer by invoking the goddess.



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Sat Jun 17, 2017 8:43 pm
Elijah wrote a review...



The story was amazing and so romantic. I am still shook that the prince so easily accepted his fate but maybe it is part of the Churel's charm? Or is he that easy in general? Anyways, it lets the story end fast because he does not try to run away from her and accepts to pay for his mother's doing instead. I did not imagine the lady to be cursed and for it to be such a deep story but the depth made it even better. I do not have complains about the story, it is interesting and not too long. I have hard time finding something interesting enough to make me read until the very end and this work was able to do it for me. I would love to read more about this world that you have created. For the prince and for this lady that got punished for just loving like any other woman would.





He rushed to the tree to find nothing but a sound of woman's laughter coming from behind another tree in the opposite direction.

"So tranquil and serene,"

Inside there was a comfortable wooden bed where he laid her slowly.

She laid completely naked.

At the sight of what he had uncovered beneath the black dress,

He did not reply; he did not know how to.

"I was a royal dancer at the court of king Bhimdev of Vindh. A beautiful young lass that I was, the king took a fancy to me. The king bought me presents - jewelleries and things other ladies of the court could only dream of. I was never left wanting for luxuries," She paused and took a deep breath. "But the queen never liked me. Many times she threatened me and tried to throw me out of the court, but the king paid no heed to her demands...



Keep on writing!






Thank you very much for your review.
According to me death took away all his human feelings and he doesn't find the need to run away because he is so peaceful in being dead.



Elijah says...


Welcome!




I am always saying "Glad to've met you" to somebody I'm not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, though.
— Holden Caulfield