The sand was cold and coarse on her feet when Adalaina pulled her socks off. She waved her arms in the wet breeze rolling off the ocean and across the empty seashore and cheered. "Daddy! Daddy! Look! I'm at the beach!"
Daddy plunked himself down on the faded gray towel he'd brought, with a sigh. "I see you, baby." He wasn't too happy with bringing his daughter here on a drizzly day like this, but she had screamed and cried and kicked her feet against the floor until he gave in. She had been determined to frolic in the waves since her mother planned the trip to visit her brother's family this summer, and no change of weather was swaying her. Adalaina Lynn Isabella Else was used to having her way, and after five years of living such a lifestyle, nothing was changing that.
She now charged toward the water, squealing as she clumsily stumbled over a clammy clump of seaweed. "Ewww! Daddy, what's that?!" She examined it closely, and touched a finger to the slimy surface. "Seaweed, honey." Daddy was engrossed in the bag of potato chips on his lap. "Daddy, that's gonna make you FAT!" Adalaina felt quite smug as she reminded him of this. Mommy said it all the time, anyway. Daddy didn't say anything to her commet, just looked remorsefully at his pudgy stomach.
"Don't go out too far," he warned, when Adalaina scampered toward the sea once more. He eyed the violent, crashing waves and gave his daughter a reprimanding look. She didn't notice, already running to meet the expanding ripples. The sand mushed between her toes as she neared the water, and a spray of mist coated her face. Adalaina giggled in delight. She decided she loved the beach. A surge of ocean washed over her ankles, and she gasped. "Daddy! It's cold!"
"Mmm," said Daddy. He brushed some salt off his stubbly chin and wondered what the adults were doing back at the house.
Adalaina sloshed in further and further, then stopped and shivered. The wind lightly blew her hair about her shoulders, nipping at her wet calves. She sucked in a breath as a wave smacked against her chest, plopping her down onto the small incline. The water pulsed around her chest, and she shrieked at the chilliness of it. "Daddy! It's cold!" Daddy looked like he was yelling something, but she was too far away and the waves were crashing so loudly, she couldn't understand him.
Adalaina decided it must not be that important.
She wobbled unsteadily to her feet, teeth chattering, and hugged her arms around her soaked body. She wanted to go out farther, but a faint bellow stopped her: "I told you not to go out too far!"
Daddy slowly stumbled toward her. "Adalaina, stop!"
"Unh," said Adalaina. She pouted.
A rolling wave cracked against her leg and she wavered, nearly falling. "Woah!" She forgot her irritation for a moment. "Daddy! Daddy! I almost fell but I didn't!" Daddy was closer now, at the very edge of the ocean line. He grimaced as a ripple washed over his feet. "Adalaina, be careful. I told you. The waves are really strong today, and they could knock you down."
Adalaina suddenly remembered her irritation. "But I want to go in more!" She smacked her hand angrily against the water, then sputtered as it splashed across her face. "Don't go out any further, okay?" said Daddy. He desperately hoped she'd obey him.
"No!" Adalaina declared. Turning, she stubbornly sloshed in deeper. "Adalaina!" yelled Daddy, exasperated. "Get back over here!" Adalaina pointedly ignored him. She decided if he was only here to spoil the fun, it'd be best to ignore him.
She heard a sigh, then splashing as he followed. "Come on, sweetheart," his voice switched to a pleading tone. "Please stay over here." Adalaina struggled, resisting the waves, until she was in up to nearly her waist. The crack of the exploding waves, the cold spray, and the foaming rolls delighted her. Forgetting her rebellion, she clapped her hands together and turning, exclaimed, "Daddy! Daddy! I wanna move here!"
Daddy opened his mouth to respond, then his eyes opened wide. "Adalai - " He leaped forward just as an under current smashed against Adalaina's legs, pulling her backwards, then upwards, then down toward the bottom of the sea. She screamed, arms flailing, and salty water filled her mouth, pushing up her nose and against her eyes.
"Da-d-d-y," she gurgled, struggling to fight her way to the top. The ocean pulled her down again, and she choked, frantically grabbing at anything to help her. She felt a hand swipe at her arm, and miss it. Her hair swarmed into her eyes and her lungs burned. The water pushed and pulled, shoving her down again and again. Her vision blackened.
Two solid hands grabbed her around the waist and pulled her back into the misty, cold air. Adalaina gasped in short breaths, her heart pounding in her ears. An arm was tight against her stomach, strangling her. She released a broken cry, turning into her father's chest. Her hair was plastered all about her face, her nose dripped, and her eyes stung. She rubbed the water out of them. "Daddy, Daddy - I almost drownded." Shuddering, she clung to his neck. Daddy hugged her back. He felt big and cuddly and warm. "You're okay, baby, you're okay," he comforted.
The wind whipped at her, blowing sand across her body. "Daddy, I wanna go home," she whimpered. There was the slightest twinkle in Daddy's eyes that she didn't see. "But I thought you wanted to move here."
Adalaina thought he was being mean. "No!" she sobbed. "I wanna go home! I don't like the water! Daddy, I don't like the water!" "Okay, okay," soothed Daddy. "It's going to be alright, baby." He set her down on the towel and helped her put on her shoes. "Let's not tell Mommy about this, okay? She'll probably just say that's what happens when little girls don't listen to their daddy."
There was that twinkle in his eyes again.
Adalaina was speechless at this. She decided not to say anything. Her throat still hurt, anyway. She bobbed her head in agreement to his question. Daddy wrapped her up in the towel so that she resembled a fuzzy gray cocoon and said, "Let's go home."
---
Thanks for the read, guys :)
For Show Your Shorts Month.
Word Count: 1025
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Hello, rosette! Here for the last review you requested of me!
I really loved the relationship between the girl and her daddy. She's a stubborn little booger and her daddy seems like a lazy and a little overweight pudgy, hairy man. The only thing I think that would make this better would be to have a little more monologue from little Adalaina. She seems like a headstrong character, and to either have some thought from her in italics or her saying something more would be cute. Also maybe do a little more description at the end when she cuddles her daddy after almost being "drownded".
Anyways, I don't have anything else to say. This was great!
~Ruby
So I've finally gotten here after quite the eventful two days, *pants* *further panting*

"she clumsily stumbled over a clammy clump of seaweed." - If Adalaina is gonna ask what it is, then we shouldn't know what it is either until daddy explains it.
"Daddy, that's gonna make you FAT!" - I practically had a snort lock up inside my nostrils on the way it was emphasized with caps & ITALICs. heee hee heee! The T really hung in the air funny
"She didn't notice, already running to meet the expanding ripples." - Beautiful
"...nipping at her wet calves." - another great description, just poetic
" "Adalai - " I would put an expletive! there instead of the hyphen. It's urgency!
"he felt a hand swipe at her arm, and miss it. " - the comma was a perfect touch
Golly, down to the twinkle in daddy's eye she doesn't understand you've so detailed this short story so...
I'm speechless. This is practically flawless. And has a lot of parallels to our relationship with Christ our Rock!! Outstanding!!
Ahahaha, thank yous for reviewing!
Ah, the "seaweed" thing is a good point; I'll look into that...
Hello! It's been a while since I reviewed, but I really liked your story!
So overall, your descriptions are very good, and I think it captures the setting really well. One thing I would recommend, though, is to separate the paragraphs a little more, for example, if you talk about Adalaina doing/saying something, then Daddy says something, separate them into two paragraphs.
Also, maybe you could explain a little more why it was just them two there at the beach. Even if the weather wasn't that good, if her mom had planned out that trip for a while, why didn't she come with them?
I love that. Just remember the N.
To my knowledge, wouldn't most five-year-olds use vocabulary like "the water" instead of "ocean"? But I could be wrong.
The whole thing was amusing and cute, though any suspense at the part where Adalaina goes under the water would have to be worked on some more. Good job!
~Lael
Ooo, the suspense thing was nagging at me, too. Ack, thanks for your pointers, and this review!
You're welcome!
Hi there here for a review!
It's a shame not more people read this story. It's my favorite that I saw this week. You really depicted the father and daughter relationship well and wrote the little girl well too. For example, I liked the paragraph where they talk about seaweed and chips. Overall, I really liked the story, so I think I will just look at the nitty gritty.
"She waved her arms in the wet breeze rolling off the ocean and across the empty seashore and cheered."
I think this sentence could be cut into two or turned into a compound sentence because you describe her action then the setting and go back to back to her action.
To note, when writing two different people speaking, you should put them in different paragraphs when each speak.
I like this line of description: "The crack of the exploding waves, the cold spray, and the foaming rolls delighted her."
And then at the part when she is struggling in the waves is written so well. I experience something very similar, and it felt like I was in that moment again.
Sorry, it wasn't too harsh, but I really liked how you captured the relationship between the father and daughter and two characters themselves. Reading about Adalaina reminded me of myself when I was younger when I wanted to be rebellious and didn't want to listen to adults.
Right on!
Keep writing
Redbox122
No, no, no. This was perfectly fine!
I need to work on my paragraph splits and such, I noticed D:
Thanks for taking the time to review!