z

Young Writers Society


12+ Language

Angels

by Cadi


The sky was a rough and roiling purple when Jamie reached the pub. He cast an unhappy glance at the turbulent clouds before he pushed the door open and stepped in, scanning the room. Not many people in – it was Tuesday, after all – but there was a distinctive figure leaning on the bar, the sight of whom stopped Jamie in his tracks. His shoulders hunched over a little, and he edged towards the bar with a scowl on his face.

“You,” he said.

“Jamie!” The angel turned, holding out one of two pints. His posture was slightly stooped, to allow for the great, white-feathered wings folded on his back, the top joints of which rose some inches above his head, while the tips almost brushed the floor. The bar staff hadn’t registered the wings – humans never did – for all they jostled the bar stools as he turned. Jamie felt his own shoulders itching, and shook his head in a vain attempt to dispel the sensation.

“I wasn’t expecting –” Jamie stopped, started again. “But I should have done.”

“Have a drink,” the angel – Anton – said, with a nervous smile. “Sit down.”

Reluctantly, Jamie took the proffered pint, and followed Anton to the far end of the bar, where he perched on one of the high stools, like some huge bird. Jamie pulled up the next stool along, and set down his pint without taking a sip, staring fixedly at the grain of the wooden counter.

“I wanted…” Anton began, slowly. “I thought you might like to… talk, now. Given…” He jerked his head toward the wide window, beyond which the weather was really gearing up for a storm. The storm of all storms.

Jamie continued to stare at the bartop, unwilling to lend the angel a hand with this one.

Anton sighed heavily. “James,” he said. “Jamie. I wanted to say… I’m sorry. For everything. Before it’s too late.”

Jamie lifted his head, and fixed him with a blazing glare, the kind where you could see the fires of a Certain Place reflected in his eyes. His lip twisted in an ugly snarl. “Sorry? Sorry! I suppose that makes up for it all, does it?”

“Well –”

“You could have said this sooner, you know. You didn’t have to wait!” He looked away, and clenched the bartop in one hand. Under his fingers, the wood began to char.

Anton shifted on his seat, the wings rustling. He opened his mouth, but seemed to think better of whatever he’d been about to say, and closed it again. With another sigh, he swivelled to stare out of the window, at the first fat drops of rain hitting the glass.

“It’s starting,” he said.

“It started a long time ago,” Jamie muttered, lifting his hand and staring at the charred marks in the wood.

The rain got heavier, and began to really hammer on the windowpanes. An exclamation from the far end of the bar made Jamie look up. The staff had been gathered around the till, chatting idly in the absence of customers, but now they were all staring at the downpour, confusion and horror written on their faces. Jamie looked over his shoulder, very much resigned to what he was about to see.

Sure enough, there were rivulets of crimson streaking the glass. Torrents of scarlet rain pounded the street outside, completely obscuring the buildings opposite.

“Cue rains of blood,” Jamie said. “And yea, the sky was riven and the world was torn asunder, and blood did rain upon the land which rocked with fearsome thunder.

A hundred thousand Lords of Hell came raging through the night,” Anton continued.

And all the hosts of Heaven rode to meet them in their might.

They sat, silent, for a long moment. Then Jamie snorted, and turned back to his untouched pint. “It doesn’t say, to meet them in the pub,” he said. “Shouldn’t you be up there, sharpening your flaming sword?”

Anton swivelled back halfway, so he was facing Jamie directly. “Look,” he said. “I didn’t want – I don’t want – to go to the end without speaking to you. Without apologising. I don’t need your forgiveness –”

“Good!” Jamie interrupted. “It’s your lot who’re all up with the forgiveness! Down There, we’re much better at rage, bitterness, and holding a grudge across millennia, I promise you!” He rolled his shoulders, lifting his head a little higher. “Fly away home on your bloody pretty wings, angel. Your house is on fire, and your soldiers are gone.”

Anton didn’t move, just stared, eyes glistening slightly. “You had the most beautiful wings,” he whispered.

Jamie froze.

“I miss… seeing you fly,” Anton said, barely breathing the words. “And flying beside you, all in glory and in joy.” He looked down. “I miss you, Jamie.”

Jamie’s fists curled at his sides. “I’ve got a lovely matched pair of scars instead, these days,” he said, but he couldn’t find the will to make it a growl, and it came out in a soft tone to match the angel’s. And he didn’t mean to say the sentence that followed. “But it takes more than a few thousand years to forget the feeling of wind in your feathers.”

A long pause followed. The floor began to shake, very slightly at first, then more, and more, so that the bar staff screamed, and fled the room, leaving the angel and the demon in their motionless tableau. Outside, thunder roared, and an unearthly light began to burn through the crimson downpour.

Jamie held out a hand, palm up.

Anton looked at it, then up at the demon’s bowed face. “Are you –”

“Take it or leave it, angel!” Jamie snapped. Then, more gently, “My fall was my own. But I forgive you, Anton. For watching.”

Anton seized the outstretched hand. Then, with a strangled sob, he pulled the demon into a tight hug, fanning his huge wings slightly. They remained, entwined, for several heartbeats.

Thunder crashed again, and lightning streaked across the burning sky.

Jamie straightened, and moved both hands through the air in a deliberate arc. A flaming sword appeared in each. He turned the right-hand one around and offered it, hilt first, to Anton, who took it, and then took Jamie’s now-free right hand in his left.

“Against hosts of Heaven?” Jamie said, with half a smile.

“And Lords of Hell,” Anton replied.

And so I see it comes to pass, when all our time is done,”

When Judgement Day consumes the stars, the Earth, and Moon and Sun.”

.

.

1089 words. Written for Show Us Your Shorts Month.


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Points: 381
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Fri Jun 28, 2019 6:02 pm
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lamorte13 wrote a review...



First of all, I'd die for Revelations style apocalyptic stories. Secondly, I LOVE Anton and Jamie. I wanna know even more about them! It's amazing that you managed to get so much backstory between them in just over 1k words, and managed to make their relationship so believable. That's genuine skill, doing that in so few words.
I also agree with the other reviewers - whether intentional or not, it seems that you set these lads up as somewhat romantic, and the way you ended the story had me convinced that they're just. Really really in love. It was very sweet, sharing swords and holding hands, and the hug, even after their argument and past separation and bad blood.
You made Anton and Jamie feel very human and complex, and I love that they have their own personalities rather than just being a Heavenly drone and a Hellish rebel, which I see a lot in stories regarding angels and demons. It's very interesting how you set it in a pub during the Biblical apocalypse, but it also makes me think of the banality of the end, and reminded me of a guy whose name escapes me who said that when the nuclear apocalypse happens, we won't all be soldiers or hiding in fear, it'll come at the most innocuous of times, and we won't even see it coming.
This is a very well written story, and you have some genuine talent. I hope you keep writing stuff like this!




Cadi says...


Thank you for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed it!



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Mon May 22, 2017 8:52 pm
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StellaThomas wrote a review...



Hey Cadi! Firstly, it would appear we're simultaneously reviewing each other... I'm just slower. Having written my own I remembered that you had been writing shorts and I decided to investigate.

This was actually such a joy to read. I really enjoyed it - I could happily read a version of this ten times as long.

Anyway let's get the obvious bit out of the way.

Image

I don't know if that was your intention but there it is.

I really love the dialogue here, the bits of Scripture tied up with just normal banter, it was so out of the blue and funny and a bit like "hang on, are you two really having this discussion right now?" And the discussion of wings was so beautiful.

I full on gasped when I realised Jamie was a fallen angel, with his wings cut off. And this line:

“My fall was my own. But I forgive you, Anton. For watching.”


Like daaaaamn, that was a great line.

The thing I think I would change most of this is the opening. I know you were probably going for a casual opening where we didn't really pick up that, you know, the apocalypse is happening, but for me, it isn't working. Firstly, because it didn't grab me - I don't want to hear about someone trying to get into the pub and out of the rain, because what a mediocre occurrence. And then it doesn't really fit with the rest of the story, and then when we finally realise what happened I scooted back up in the text to see if I had missed something, but I hadn't. I think it's genuinely too subtle and understated, and something a bit more obvious from the start would actually work in your favour.

Your ending was beautiful and horribly emotional for such a short piece. I hope they don't both die (but they probably do).

Lovely job!

-Stella x




Cadi says...


*simultaneous review high five* Thanks for the review! Also that is an excellent gif, I must save it.

I get what you mean about the opening being a bit too mundane - between this and some feedback I got on an earlier short story, I'm starting to think I might be a bit too fond of the whole subtlety thing!



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Sat May 20, 2017 6:40 am
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Homachi wrote a review...



This is really cool. The way it was written is splendid.

I liked how you told the story based on the benevolence of the angel. He comes to apologize to his once-before friend. And it beautifully depicted how close they were to each other. The sadness they knew. They are both in opposite worlds, the friendship they once had now impossible (depending on your story), it would almost be a joke for them to stick together at this point.

It exposed the grand battle that was to take place, a good plot of a near future event and showed a good past all the while in this somber present, and at a pub. I can understand why the first review would suggest you make this into a bigger thing. I would also love to read such work. It's all grand, full of action and suspense.




Cadi says...


Thanks for the feedback! I'm glad you liked it! :)



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Fri May 19, 2017 12:23 pm
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beckiw wrote a review...



Hi, I'm here to ask you please can I have a novel of this? I neeeeed more.

Even though we've been talking about this piece, I started reading and had totally forgotten it was apocalypsey. Not till the blood rain did I suddenly twig again.

But man, I love how you unfolded this piece. I think you have a really good knack for putting the very not normal into the very normal. Like it starts off as two guys meeting in a pub but then angel and blood rain and demon and FLAMING SWORDS. So cool.

I really liked how you introduced the animosity between these two and then slowly how Jamie was a demon and then more that he's a fallen angel. It just kept me going through the piece because I wanted more information about these characters and what Anton had done and what was up with Jamie. Which is why you must write more this INSTANT because I need more of their story and just more of them in general.

And it's super interesting to see the difference between this piece and your aliens one. Where your aliens one was fun and the sentences were wandering and the voice was sardonic. This was very much different and held a melancholy to it.

SO GOOD. You are certainly good at ripping things up and starting again if this is the result!

When can I have more?





The worst bullies you will ever encounter in your life are your own thoughts.
— Bryant McGill