Young Writers Society

Legacy here for a review.

I do not play instruments so I cannot comment on how your cords work together (although others have already) but I can comment on your lyrics.

I sung this in my head while I was reading it. I love your chorus although it could be tweaked a little bit. "Now there's no more homes, they were all swept away" is the only awkward line in your chorus. It should be tweaked a little bit because no one naturally says "there is no more homes". Natural speaking is "there are no more homes".

In your second verse "nobody expected anything" is awkward. It should be tweaked more towards how people naturally talk. "nobody expected a thing" is how I would tweak it honestly.

In your third verse the beginning was awkward. "The sand plays a trick on my eyes,
I thought I'd saw a seashell survive." It just needs a little tweaking to become "The sand plays tricks on my eyes, I thought I saw a seashell survive."

The way you put your verses together and where you placed your chorus' is perfect. It really tells a story and I would love to hear this played if you ever record it. Legacy out.

Loved the chords you used they sounded really nice together. I didn't sing the lyrics aloud but i said them in my head while playing. I write lyrics but I am so bad at writing the music to go with them. I hope you write more songs (with chords)

I cannot, I cannot, I cannot thank you enough for including chords. It actually allows me to review music on YWS and give tips on bass movements and resolutions with how I feel the melody follows. Morrigan did a fab job of going over the lyrics, and now after playing through this a few times on ukulele (sorry--the piano's missing cables, the bass is at a friend's place, and I do not play guitar), I have a deep admiration for the progression you've made. (As a note, I just played this in C or A-minor, and not Eb or C-minor.)

So I'll be referring to everything in the natural state of C since you don't have the violations that come often with the key of A-minor, though I do suggest adding one. Just one, depending on how minor you wish to keep the piece, or how deep into the minor feel you want to go. That'd be on the final chorus, one of the resolving Fs I would change to an Fm6:



Which in music theory adds the Ab violation that, in the key of C gives tension before resolving to Am or C, giving them both power. Or, if you were so inclined, just end on the Fm6 and let it be the final blow, having that unresolved tension to match the lyrics you've written.

My other musical critique is regarding bass walks when moving to distant chords, meaning to simply add a quick splash of a major chord over the bass note of the chord before the chord you're going to before arriving. As an example, you do this in a form, but it's melodic in the key:

Cadd9 -> Em7 -> F

And the other place I would find this useful is transitioning from G to C:

G -> G/B -> C

It cuts a bit of time off of the chord of your choice, but it makes for a smoother and more professional sound if you can get it down. And heck, you may have it written in already, albeit not in the chord chart for simplicity.

All in all, I love this, and generally adore songs written in 3/4 - 6/8 - 12/8. And admittedly, I counted this in 12/8 more than 3/4, but that's me being pedantic.

Keep being awesome with music. I'd love to hear this.
Ty

Hi there Lord Anzius! I don't believe we've met before, but welcome back to YWS! You've got an impressive number of YWS years under your belt.

I'm not sure if this is what you were going for, but I imagine that this song could be accompanied by a melancholy acoustic guitar in a three pattern. I like some of the imagery that you provide, as well.

I'd love to hear a recording of this. I feel like I would be able to better understand how everything meshes together if I could hear your take on the tune and chords.

I think that "wondrous thing" in the first stanza sets up the song for a more uplifting tone than it actually has. I feel like it still belongs in the lyrics, just maybe not in the first verse. I do really like the play on words that "tidings" brings, though, as well as the internal rhyme in the third line of the first verse.

The problem with that verse setting up the piece could be remedied by an extra verse before that. You've got an alternating verse chorus pattern, which is fine, but I also feel like the lyrics might need a little more buildup to the chorus where it's revealed that all the homes have been swept away by the sea.

This brings me to the chorus. The line "dangerous beauty" isn't really doing it for me. I'm not sure what I would change it to, as I don't know what could fit the tune you're tailoring this to, but it's just not as descriptive as I would like it to be. I know that lyrics differ from poetry in this way, that not everything has to be a really specific image, but I think that among the rest of your imagery, this line is weak, especially because it's featured in the chorus.

Now there's no more homes, they all were swept away

By the shores of sorrows I'll sit by the seas.