Young Writers Society

Hey, here for a review!

Okay, firstly, the little line in italics basically broke my heart.

But let's get to the review part of this review.

I'm not too keen on your stylistic choice of putting your title again and reiterating what's already there. And if it's there for stylistic choice, I would recommend not putting it in bold unless you're trying to really emphasize it.

To make this easier for a reader to read, I would recommend stanzas, even though your poem is short, it will help with organization and your different rhyme schemes. Here's an example on how you could "stanza - up" your poem.

One and one is two,

And I guess maybe that's me and you...

Or is it the relapses you've been through?


But then one plus two is three,

And that's how many times you'd be healthy...

So maybe, just maybe, you'd finally be free?


But then one sans one is nothing,

And

Suddenly

Nothing

Makes

Sense.

So maybe, just maybe,

One sans one...

Is me.

That was amazing!

This is not the kind of thing you want to read first thing in the morning, because now I'm going to be thinking about it all day. This poem is beautifully written. It portrays the thought process of someone in love accurately. And it's sad , but more bittersweet. It's more the person realizing that they may not have love in their future.

Though sans is not a common word, you mad it work with your poem, which is quite skillful. I also liked how you didn't keep the same form throughout the poem. It allows the poem to feel more realistic, one's actual thoughts instead of just words on a screen.

The only line I would change is one plus two is three--that couplet doesn't make a lot of sense. While the rest of the poem has very clear undertones, that one is confusing. I have to struggle to understand what you mean, and it messes with the emotion. But other than those two lines, the poem is beautiful. I can't wait to see what you write in the future.

Keep Writing!

~Lucy

This poem is very well written and expresses a very deep emotion. I like your word variation and the way you have your poem move down on "And suddenly nothing makes sense". Your emotions are very prominent, yet what the poem actually refers to is not very clear, and keeps us guessing at what these relapses, what these numbers, what being healthy has to do with it. I think one tip would be to explain what the poem is about, even if it's just a small hint. You talk about these "one plus one" things, and to me, my first thought was "he must have cheated", but your short explanation of the poem explains it's cancer. I wouldn't have guessed it was cancer, had you not written that. But it was a great poem!

You did a amazing job with is poem. i love your use of words "relapses, healthy, and just maybe, you'll finally be free." i love how you had the words go diagonally.