z

Young Writers Society


12+

These Brilliant and Beautiful Lies: Ch3

by crossroads


“By the laws of the Varien Isles, you are found guilty.”

Below the balcony where the prosecutor read from, the taller two figures on the stand sobbed. Next to them, their two children stood, tied to the poles just as their parents, pale and wide-eyed, staring at the small crowd that had gathered.

Reiner signalled for the prosecutor to continue.

“Before the Palace of Justice, and the people, you are called to confess.” The prosecutor let that last word cut the air and linger for a few moments.

“Confess and repent for what you’ve done,” Reiner continued, “and your children will be given a future within the Academy.”

One of the parents let out a sob again, but Reiner knew they’d comply. He looked down at the podium, caught the executioner’s eyes, and nodded once.

The executioner, their face wrapped in dark fabric rather than covered by a mask, stepped forward with a lit torch. A gentle touch to the base of the pole, and fire licked against the straw and the wood, making its way towards the tied man. He struggled against the pole and the restraints that held him, as the executioner took the few necessary steps towards the woman. Reiner could hear her breathing all the way up where he stood on the balcony. It meant she’d inhale the smoke in large gulps and die before the fire even touched her — Reiner idly hoped she’d confess before that.

The executioner moved to his right, towards the first child. And, expectedly—

“We confess!” The man yelled it through the sobs, and the woman nodded violently, straining against the restraints as if she wanted to push the executioner further from the two unlit poles. Next to Reiner, the prosecutor sighed.

“That’s five out of five this month,” she whispered to him, almost too quietly to be heard. Reiner gave her a tiny nod in reply. That was good — the heretics’ loyalty to the forbidden arts was starting to waver; a year earlier, he had stood on this same balcony and ordered executions of entire families, and the accused stood proud of their sins as they watched their children burn before them.

“You stand convicted of crimes against the Palace and the Order,” he said loudly, voice cold, eyes on the heretics below. The two adults started yelling again, so he raised his voice against theirs. “Silence. Your confession, you’ve given. Do you repent for your doing, and realise the extent of your crimes?”

“Yes,” the man yelled, and the woman continued, gasping for air and coughing as smoke was all she found: “We— we stole, we stole from the Order and d— defiled the purity of our children’s— souls— please!”

Reiner gave another sharp nod to the executioner, and turned to go back inside. He’d seen his share of executions — he had more important things to do than stay and spectate another one.

Behind his back, as he walked back into the Palace of Justice, he heard the two adults scream as fire devoured their bodies.

Within an hour, Reiner knew, nothing but ashes and a few bones would remain around the sturdy poles of Caern silentwood. The children would remain there to watch until the last of the remains is swept away. It would be their first lesson: what comes to those who practice illegal magics, thus directly opposing the Palace of Justice and the Order it advocates for. And in twenty or so years when they’re about his age, provided they performed well at the Academy, they may yet be standing in Reiner’s place.

*

It was late when he returned home. The Palace, he could see through the western windows of his rooms, was nearly completely dark, apart from the fires. They burned in shallow bowls, one on each of the small terraces that climbed like stairs up the eight stories — he remembered that from his first visit to the Palace. It was before he got the first of his masks, and he had wondered if one could jump from one terrace to the other. Now, he knew that each was accessible from its respective floor — as well as their counterparts on the other side, invisible from where he observed it.

To the left of the Palace of Justice, more fires burned on the rooftop of the Academy. Some of its windows were still lit: the Masters’, in each of the three towers, but also some of the students’. Reiner imagined them in there, those who lived within the Academy, studying and preparing for the next day.

Perhaps I could pay them a visit, he thought. One of the few things he missed, now that he no longer had any business there, was the Academy’s great hall, with its constantly crisp air and impossibly tall ceilings.

He unbuttoned his uniform, shrugged it off and folded it on the dresser, where it would wait for one of the servants to take it to get washed. Then he slipped into his house clothes, completely black and looser than the Captor’s attire, and adjusted his hair in the mirror by the wardrobe. It was windy on his way home from the Palace, and the wind has lured out strands of his hair. He carefully tucked them back where they belonged just as someone knocked on the door.

“Sir?” The young servant girl, whose name he couldn’t bother remembering.

“Yes.”

She peeked in. Her eyes were light green, a sharp contrast against the thin red mask around them. A student at the Academy, maybe three years older than Reiner’s little brother. He still couldn’t remember her name. “Dinner is ready, sir.”

“Good.” Reiner gave one last glance to the mirror, making sure all the strands were in place. The silver markings on his own mask caught the light. “Go, let Brinn know as well. Preferably in a way that doesn’t leave me waiting for him as long as yesterday.”

She nodded and scurried away. Once alone again, he looked out the window towards the palace once more.

Smoke still rose from the courtyard where the heretics burned.

*


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6 Reviews


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Reviews: 6

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Sat Mar 04, 2017 2:44 pm
ItWasntMe wrote a review...



This is a great writing and I really enjoyed reading it but I did notice some mistakes grammar wise. I will go in order as best I can. In the sentence
"Reiner signalled for the prosecutor to continue."
You spelled signaled with two "L's" and I think it should be spelled signaled

Also here you use a comma after pole. I don't think that one isn't necessary.
"A gentle touch to the base of the pole, and fire licked against the straw and the wood, making its way towards the tied man."
In this sentence, you are missing a preposition after up. I would change it to up to or up to where.
"Reiner could hear her breathing all the way up where he stood on the balcony."

You spelled realize wrong in this sentence
"Your confession, you’ve given. Do you repent for your doing, and realise the extent of your crimes?”

Right here you use a comma after executioner it is not needed.
"Reiner gave another sharp nod to the executioner, and turned to go back inside."

Also, another minor mistake that I encountered that confused me a little was where you said,
“Confess and repent for what you’ve done,” Reiner continued, “and your children will be given a future within the Academy.”

You say Reiner continued but no speech was before that and it's a little confusing unlesss you meant like Reiner continued and that was the link for him speaking in the next sentence.

Also right here you forgot a preposition after up.
"They burned in shallow bowls, one on each of the small terraces that climbed like stairs up the eight stories"

That is all that I could see that were critical there might still be some minor mistakes. I really enjoyed reading this keep it up!




crossroads says...


Hey, thanks for the review and keeping a close eye on my grammar ;)
Some of those things, though, like realise/realize, signalling/signaling and such (travelling/traveling, organisation/organization, colour/color, centre/center etc.) are spelled differently depending on whether one is using British or American English. Seeing as I use the former in all my writing, they aren't mistakes :]



ItWasntMe says...


Oh ok sorry about the spelling thank you.



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Fri Mar 03, 2017 2:30 am
inktopus wrote a review...



Hi, Child! Storm's here to do a review, so let's jump right into it!

“Confess and repent for what you’ve done,” Reiner continued, “and your children will be given a future within the Academy.”

When you say, 'Reiner continued' it makes it sound like Reiner had been talking before, but he hadn't. This is kind of misleading and a little confusing.

Within an hour, Reiner knew, nothing but ashes and a few bones would remain around the sturdy poles of Caern silentwood.

I just want to note that that isn't possible. Even when bodies go through crematoriums, which are thousands of degrees, there are still pieces of bone. Just being burned at the stake isn't going to reduce an entire body to a few pieces of bone and ash. The bodies would definitely be charred beyond recognition, but would probably retain a recognizable human shape.

Now, he knew that each was accessible from its respectable floor — as well as their counterparts on the other side, invisible from where he observed it.

I think you mean respective rather than respectable.

“Sir?” The young servant girl, whose name he couldn’t bother remembering.

I get that Reiner is supposed to be a jerk, but I think there are less obvious ways to convey this. Try to be a little more subtle when you convey information like this to allow readers to make their own inferences.

Okay, I feel like this was a bit of a downgrade compared to your previous chapters. You aren't nearly as descriptive as you usually are. Your descriptiveness is, in my opinion, the highlight of your writing. Because it isn't as prevalent here, it feels like the entire quality has downgraded. As usual, there aren't any glaring errors that I've noticed. You know how to contact me with any questions you may have.

~Storm




crossroads says...


Thanks, Storm

Re: bodies being burned, I know that, it's not just regular fire they're using here :] Not something Reiner could think about at this point, hence not mentioned, but will come up at some point.

Oh, yeah, respective. That was a weird typo, if it can even be called so.

Re: Reiner being a jerk, that wasn't really the point? It's just how it is, the thing about her name is a fact that he passingly remarks on %u2014 not really meant to present him as a jerk (in fact, it's about their upbringing: Brinn disregards/forgets Robinette's name in his chapter, too. They're just taught that people's names/identities don't really matter until they've proven important enough, which this girl, in Reiner's eyes, has not.)

Re: descriptiveness... I'm not yet 100% set on everything Reiner is, but I'm pretty sure he's not the type for descriptiveness, not in the way his siblings are. He's pretty much had that, eh... "romantic" side of him killed, unlike the both of them. If he was as descriptive as they were, that would be my voice, rather than his, and that's not something I'm going for here.
But then, yeah, getting Reiner quite right might take me a little bit. He's very clear in my mind after certain stuff happens, but here in the beginning I'm still getting to know him as I go.




As the notifications drift in I stop and wonder. Why do they take so long? Do they have adventures we don't know about? I bet they do. When they come I will ask myself. What amazing adventure has this straggling notification been on? How far did it travel, and why didn't it take me?
— TypoWithoutCoffee