Young Writers Society

Hello there, Luata here for a review. I don't think I've reviewed any of your weeks before so I'll go ahead and give you the run-down of how my reviewing style works. I divide my review into sections to make it easier to read, and of course, you are the author, not me, so feel free to take my suggestions however you want. If you have questions or if I start rambling and not making sense (it is early morning here), drop me a comment or a PM, I'd be glad to help.

Overview

I really resonated with this poem. I'm getting a lot of that today, resonating with poems, which is something I don't normally do. Oh-no, emotional-me is making a comeback. Anyhow!! I have to disagree with @Nikayla because I think that the title of the poem should function as a line of the poem itself (even though I don't always follow that rule). Your poem had good flow, which made it enjoyable to read, which is always an important thing.

Grammar/Flow

Okay. I am not very good at grammar, so I'm sure there will be other people who are plenty more qualified than I for the grammar review, but I'll give it my best shot here. I could only find one problematic area, and it has to do more with flow and less with grammar.

I know where I belong and no one can tell me otherwise.

This is Nikayla here for a review!

One of the first things that I have to say about this poem, is that it lacked substance. This is a short poem and while I believe it should stay that way, it felt empty. The advantage of writing short poems is that you get your point across stronger and while revising, you can focus on individual lines instead of whole stanzas, giving the whole thing attention. Nonetheless, let's jump right into what's here.

This poem displays the feeling that the speaker in the poem feels as if they are not in the right place. We see that this isn't for the reason that they don't have a good life, but for the reason that--and this is where I say, we don't really get a real reason. We get the line that makes the title and not really much else. The last line feels a little...I want to say rude to everyone else involved but at the same time, I'm sure that it was well-intentioned and that it was just the wording that you used to make it come off that way.


It felt a little, "You're wrong and you're right." but that may just be me in this case. In terms of imagery, we don't really get any in this poem which is something that's lacking. Another thing that I wanted to point out that might make this poem stronger and may also give you a gateway into using imagery for this idea, and that's metaphor. You can still tell the same theme and message here with the metaphor in the poem. Define how you feel about this. Is it a weight on your chest? Is it a set of shackles on your legs? Another thing that I wanted to feel more of because I felt as if it fit with the poem was anticipation. This person is anxious and wanting the future to come, so display more of that. I like the start that you have for an idea, but expand on it.

I hope I helped and a great day!

Hello there. I hope to give a good review.

I feel that much of the concept is delivered by the title only, but at the same time you have presented two completely opposite things—you hate the place, but you have a great life and good friends. Still you believes your heart I in the future and no one can change your belief. The only thing I didn't understand was why your heart is in the future? What your heart yearns for? I believe it would have been even better if you would have told about that. But anyway, it's a good poem.