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E - Everyone

Dinner Date

by Mooilky


We sit across from each other

and we chew.

I thought I loved her so much I couldn't look at her,

but I just couldn't look at her.

I feel guilty for wanting her praise.

She says,

"You can't base your self worth on my words"

She says,

"It's not your responsibility to make me happy"

She says,

"I'm not sure what you want from me but I don't think I can give it to you"

I say,

I wanted a partnership.

Kind words passed like notes in class.

Being each others hype men when we came up with something new.

Critiques given in hugs and soft voices.

The world is so hard already-

Do we have to make this relationship out of stone?

Let's make it out of food.

Soft bread and warm mashed potatoes.

Give me a savory steak that I can sink my teeth into.

Conversations held up on coffee cup bridges.

These gaps just need a couple more menus.

I can't seem to look at her.

She's right across the table

But my eyes won't move.

Wood grain trails lead to her fingertips and I wish I could touch them without aching.

This fear and shame of wanting what she says she cannot give.

The worry that she might take more than I have even as I covet her mind.

I'm so selfish and it breaks me that she knows it but stays,

I feel that she must hate me even as she says I love you,

How?

Can I love her when I can't even see her past my own inadequacies?

Can I love her when I don't even know who I am most days?

Can I love her when everything I want is what she told me not to?

My belly is full of stones

But I'm hungry,

So I chew.


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149 Reviews


Points: 18
Reviews: 149

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Sun Dec 05, 2021 9:37 pm
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...



This was a fun poem to read.Yes,relationships can feel complicated,strained and practiced at times,but if you really trust,love and know the person,then everything will be free and alright.The poem itself can apply to any relationships in general.We have all felt this way at one point,it’s only human,after all.I hope you have a nice day/night.




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Points: 828
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Sun Nov 27, 2016 2:31 am
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Cataclysm wrote a review...



Hi

This will be my first review in a long time... so sorry if I'm rusty. I saw this piece in the Green Room... and I figured I should review it. Since it's review day.

The concept is weird to me. The thing that's weird about it is... is this girl a friend or a girlfriend? If she's your girlfriend, I don't think that you should be together if she treats you like that. If she's a friend... I think maybe it's more complicated than that.

Why do you feel guilty for wanting her praise? If you two are close enough to be on a dinner date... shouldn't that be part of the relationship?

In my opinion, friendship isn't all about kind words. Sometimes it's words that are harsh.. but trying to help the other person. In church, they teach me that telling a brother or sister in Christ that they're sinning is a form of love if they don't see it themselves. This thing isn't in a religious context... but it's like the other person is telling you things that need to be addressed... and she wants you to be happy... but maybe you're both bullheaded or something
and really... you should not base your self worht on other people! Easier said than done... I know from experiense.

"she right across the table" I think you made a typo here...

I don't think that the questions at the end are a good choice to end the poem... You use a lot of cool metaphors in the rest of this. I think you should make up another metaphor instead of asking the rhetorical questions at the end... I hope you don't hate me because I'm not saying nice things about this... I do like it!

I like these thigns;
I like that chew is simple... you have a lot of fancy metaphors; but chew is cut off, simple, good. Like your mashed potatoes later...
I like your food metaphor. They made me hungry, and also gave a feeling of happiness and comfort. I like that you used the foods that you did. Tacos would have an effect that isn't as good.
I like the wood grain trails best of all... it's a cool way to show connection.

I liked this. Let me know if this review was awful or not... I don't come on here very often. I was last on here about a year or so ago! I think my reviewing has improved since then... but who knows!? Bye!




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9 Reviews


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Reviews: 9

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Mon Nov 21, 2016 8:31 am
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thanataphobic wrote a review...



Hi! Nata here for a little review. I'd just like to say I'm no expert on poetry so I'm so sorry if this isn't very helpful!
Firstly, wow. That was a very interesting read. I loved how you stepped out of the box and used food as a metaphor, that's definitely something you don't see a lot. It gave a very unique and lighthearted tone, which contrasted to the rather sad and pensive verses which came beforehand. I especially liked this part:

"Conversations held up on coffee cup bridges.

These gaps just need a couple more menus."


Secondly, I'd recommend splitting the poem into paragraphs to make it a bit easier to follow and not scare away any potential readers with its length.
Also, I found the flow of the poem seemed to fluctuate a bit, but that can easily be fixed with some quick rewording.
Overall, I actually really liked this poem! It was unique and interesting and held elements of sadness and frustration, but didn't drown the reader in it. Also, hats off to the great imagery. It really pulled me in. I hope you have more works like this, and have a good day!





All my life I've wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific.
— Jane Wagner