Young Writers Society

This was a fun poem to read.Yes,relationships can feel complicated,strained and practiced at times,but if you really trust,love and know the person,then everything will be free and alright.The poem itself can apply to any relationships in general.We have all felt this way at one point,it’s only human,after all.I hope you have a nice day/night.

Hi

This will be my first review in a long time... so sorry if I'm rusty. I saw this piece in the Green Room... and I figured I should review it. Since it's review day.

The concept is weird to me. The thing that's weird about it is... is this girl a friend or a girlfriend? If she's your girlfriend, I don't think that you should be together if she treats you like that. If she's a friend... I think maybe it's more complicated than that.

Why do you feel guilty for wanting her praise? If you two are close enough to be on a dinner date... shouldn't that be part of the relationship?

In my opinion, friendship isn't all about kind words. Sometimes it's words that are harsh.. but trying to help the other person. In church, they teach me that telling a brother or sister in Christ that they're sinning is a form of love if they don't see it themselves. This thing isn't in a religious context... but it's like the other person is telling you things that need to be addressed... and she wants you to be happy... but maybe you're both bullheaded or something
and really... you should not base your self worht on other people! Easier said than done... I know from experiense.

"she right across the table" I think you made a typo here...

I don't think that the questions at the end are a good choice to end the poem... You use a lot of cool metaphors in the rest of this. I think you should make up another metaphor instead of asking the rhetorical questions at the end... I hope you don't hate me because I'm not saying nice things about this... I do like it!

I like these thigns;
I like that chew is simple... you have a lot of fancy metaphors; but chew is cut off, simple, good. Like your mashed potatoes later...
I like your food metaphor. They made me hungry, and also gave a feeling of happiness and comfort. I like that you used the foods that you did. Tacos would have an effect that isn't as good.
I like the wood grain trails best of all... it's a cool way to show connection.

I liked this. Let me know if this review was awful or not... I don't come on here very often. I was last on here about a year or so ago! I think my reviewing has improved since then... but who knows!? Bye!

Hi! Nata here for a little review. I'd just like to say I'm no expert on poetry so I'm so sorry if this isn't very helpful!
Firstly, wow. That was a very interesting read. I loved how you stepped out of the box and used food as a metaphor, that's definitely something you don't see a lot. It gave a very unique and lighthearted tone, which contrasted to the rather sad and pensive verses which came beforehand. I especially liked this part:

"Conversations held up on coffee cup bridges.

These gaps just need a couple more menus."