z

Young Writers Society


12+ Language Violence

Dr. Carnival - the loony sequel

by godlypopo


PART ONE

Escaping

It's been two years since Emily and Eli fell to his knife of darkness. I have just been released from the sunny smiles mental hospital, which held me due to cases of schizophrenia, paranoia and insomnia... They didn't believe me when I told them that he did it... Not Eli in a suicide murder case.

The waiting room I am sat in is a dreary location, peeled walls curl above me and broken chairs line the room. I stretch my neck above my slumped body and glance through hazy eyes at the receptionist. She is sat back in her chair focused on her nails with the darkest look dragged across her face. Apart from that lump of boredom, I'm all alone just waiting to be free of the walls that imprison me. My eyes roll over to the large steel doors that withhold the exit - they hold together with merciless might, only opening to those lucky few.

Today, I am finally one of those lucky few. The doors slowly inch open with a painful screech, even if such pain is numb to me it was still irritating. The first to step into this mad house is a man that irks me to the core so much that he almost levels on par with Dr. Carnival himself. He skips up to me gleefully and leans so close toward me that you could define each bloodshot vessel that traveled toward a sickly yellow iris. He has a disgustingly joyful grin pinned on his face showing his strangely jagged grey teeth.

"We're finally rid of you, huh?" He spits. "Now then, get up you have a family to meet out there..." He inspects me slowly with a rushed frown before meeting my eyes again to say: "I hope they're ready." He thrusts his lanky arm through mine and throws me away from my seat without letting go. As he pulls me close, a throat-stabbing stench of blood and bio invades my nose, suffocating me. We walk quickly toward the doors that lie before us. I can't believe it... I'm finally free - I'm finally...

The people who stand there are not the people want to see. Instead of my parents, it is my aunt and her obnoxious son that stand there waiting. My aunt, Madeline walks up to me with a text book 'worried mother' face and places her orange hand on my shoulder - fake nails dig firmly into it.

"Look, I know I'm not who you are expecting but you need to listen, Sam." I took a deep sigh as my head fell into a low nod, my eyes refused to make contact with hers. "Your parents went missing without a trace a couple of weeks ago. So you're gonna have to stay in Sydney with us a while okay?" That was when my breath was stopped in its tracks, followed by the goose bumps jumping up from my skin. Missing? There was only one reason they could possibly be missing - and I'm not allowed to talk about it in this facility. Not with him watching.

I just nod again, this time swallowing up a gulp, and follow the already leaving relatives toward the car. I find myself taking in the deepest breath of fresh air in years. It feels amazing - my lungs filling up with freedom from the purified claustrophobia. Each step, however, did not make me feel any the lighter as the realisation of my fate dawned on me. Australia? Why are we flying to Australia?

As I go to open the car door, Robby, Madeline's son, shoves me to the back of the car, which I find irritating - even if I have lack of ability to care. The entire car is filled with the strong perfume of roses, which is emphasised as soon as my aunt enters the driver seat, her red Afro scraping the ceiling. The engine screams as soon as the car speeds off, leaving the mad house to rapidly shrink in the distance.

"We are heading strait to the airport okay?" She screeched. "I have something fun for you planned as soon as we get to Sydney so make sure you get plenty of sleep for tomorrow." Something fun? What awful thing could that be? I didn't want to show my disgust so I went into an automatic nod to reply.

"Ooh, ooh I think I know where we are going!" Squealed the creature in the front. His excitement was followed by a quiet chuckle from his mum, presenting the thought process of something unwanted to occur.

"Why can't you just tell me?" I croaked. The two did obviously not anticipate this as they gasped comically at a sound coming out of my mouth. Such words receive no reply in my world. I'm just an insignificant ragdoll that can be thrown around when monsters need a little fun. I spend the rest of the journey with a bowed head and the occasional grunt as my aunt bombards me with her overly chatty nature.

****

It doesn't take too long to get through Heathrow. Not when your relatives pretend you are a disabled child as they strap you into an uncomfortably limiting wheelchair. The only bright side of the plane journey that followed was that I was allowed the window seat due to the lovely stranger that sat next to me.

This, however, did not prove overly pleasant as I could not occupy two minutes with silence - you wouldn't believe the story he told me! Even if he rattles your mind with it for the hundredth time whilst you try to distract yourself with the vast ocean below.

Due to the flight dragging on for a long twenty two hours, luckily I managed to get some peace and quiet in between his strangled snores. I, myself tried to score some rest but it was just the same pitch black emptiness that awaited me. I don't allow myself to fall into a dream; I don't need such heart wrenching stress.

Finally, we arrived at our destination and I bid a grateful goodbye to the chair zombie next to me. The one thing my aunt is good for, is that she's rich. We settled down in her state of the art flat and I gradually got my much-needed sleep on the neck-breaking couch allocated to me.

I want to sleep forever. Who cares about going to that 'thing' tomorrow? I just want to see my friends again.

PART TWO

Loony Park 

I’m woken up abruptly by a sharp pain jolting through my arm. My eyes pry open to see a rage stricken aunt glaring at me from above. I sit up quickly in surprise and make unwanted eye contact with her.

“Get up you lazy good for nothing!” She shouts. I jump up in shock and stand attention to her fearfully. She looks me up and down disgusted before waving her hand toward the door. “It’s time to go. You slept in so you can just get food when we get there.” I look down again, eyes shallow in self-pity.

I follow her and her skipping child to the car and we are off in no time. I focus on the window that sits beside me and watch the streets whizzing past. Apparently it isn’t a long car journey as it is only on the other side of the bridge. Robby is dancing in the front seat in excitement.

“Can I tell him now?” He pleads. His mother sighs before nodding at him – finally giving in to his desperation. What could it possibly be for it having to be concealed from my broken mind? Robby spins around to me with a large grin that lies upon his freckled face. “We’re going to Loony Park!” He squeals. What? Whilst I am void of knowledge of what that is, I feel that I’m about to find out as we pull into a street car park.

We get out of the car and I am dragged hurriedly around the corner. What lies at the end of the long pathway is the most horrifying thing to strike my eyes. I want to stop, now! I want to escape but the grip of those in front of me is terrifyingly strong. What they drag me toward is a large face with its mouth open as a doorway. The face is cracked with large round eyes that poke outward in bloodshot menace. It is decorated with two colourful pillars either side of it that poke up above the red letters that spell out ‘loony park’. Behind this horrible face is a Ferris wheel and ride causing screams that tunnel into my deepest shivers. The closer we get, the louder the fairground music is, and the louder the warnings sound within me.

Of all places, not the fair ground. That is the last place I want to go, especially one that prides its self on being creepy. I want to yell at them to stop, to take me back, but the words are trapped as a lump in my throat and before too long I a, inside the park’s clutches. I look around in frantic dismay and the world spins around me as I panic. Before too long I feel the darkness consume me and my sight is bathed in black.

****

I open my eyes in sudden fear. And I look around me, scared out of my will. I’m no longer outside. Beds surround me and the room rings a blinding white. All I can here is my fast breathing and the smell of blood slightly tinges my nose. No one is in here and I take that as a chance to escape. I hop out of bed and rush to the door and yank at it to open. In my luck, it swings open and I, once again, am outside in the park. My eyes throw themselves around in search of my aunt – no use, they’re gone.

My feet start running further into the park automatically. Attractions and rides glide past me in all of their awful glory. I try my hardest to ignore the spinning heads with mouths stretched open beyond natural limits as well as the screams that tumble toward me from the rides that parade either side of the park. I shake my head to empty it of that fear and push forward.

However, my running pulls to a stop as a building to my right catches my eye. It’s a duller colour to the rest and it seems untouched. I feel something inside me pulling me toward it. That can’t be good. I must have been standing there for a while because a person with an oversized head on them walks up to me, curious.

“You want to know about this place?” It asks me. I jump at the voice and I nod slowly at them. They nod back and start to recite the story. “This park is pretty old and this area used to be a ghost train. However, at one point there was a malfunction and a fire occurred – killing the riders and destroying the attraction.” I look at them surprised. Why on earth do they keep this place open? Strange Australians… The thing places its hand on my shoulder. “I can show you what’s left if you want.” I raise an eyebrow at it; I really shouldn’t but my curiosity wells up inside me.

“Okay.” I say, wearily. It nods again and walks toward the building. I follow it as we venture into the depths of the building. We walk for quite a while through a dimly lit corridor – not a word is said.

After what seems like forever, it stops and doesn’t move. I halt a few meters back, confused. I glance around me, viewing the void that swallows me. I look back at the figure - about ask where we are.

“It’s been a while Sam. I’ve missed you.” The figure says in a familiar voice. My heart freezes and my body in encased in shivers that rip my hairs off. I want to scream, I want to run but I’m trapped in a web of fear – staring at my one true nightmare. The figure laughs darkly and it lifts the head off and throws it on the floor.

“You.” I stutter. He laughs again and walks up to me in a crooked fashion. His red hat and clothes seem to shine in the darkness and his bow hangs untied on his neck – revealing the vacant space of where the key is supposed to lie. The white gloves of the costume cover his hands as they reach out to my shoulders. He pushes his burnt face toward me and the smell of iron chokes me.

“I think those kids got what they deserved.” He laughs emptily. His hands grip strongly onto my shoulder and I feel my very core twisting into darkness. “You have been through so much, my boy. And now, it’s time for me to fix you.” His voice is low and broken; a look of sheer madness crosses his face in the form of a twisted smile.

I start to laugh. I laugh and I laugh as I feel myself twist and turn into free darkness. I feel trapped but free, broken but fixed. My morality is lost and I fall to the clutches of Dr. Carnival’s madness.

“Kill them.” He mumbles. “Kill them all, no one cares for you, do they?” I shake my head as I feel a cracked smile powers into my soul. I turn around and I start to drag myself back to the entrance. He’s right. It’s their entire fault! They didn’t listen to me when I warned them, so they have to pay - every single freaking one of them. I reach the exit and I pull myself into the blinding brightness of outside. I feel the support of my demons on my shoulder.

I see the monsters of my Aunt and cousin sitting at a table opposite me. They are watching some tall guy showing them magic tricks. I should free them of those lies. I limp up to the table and they look at me surprised.

“You’re better?” Questions my aunt. I nod and sit next to her. She is eating a steak that lies bloody on the plate – perfect. I grab the steak knife and inspect the shine. I see Dr. Carnival smiling at me in the reflection. I go to stab her in the back but something stops me. A numb feeling of my remaining sanity pulls back my arm with all of its might causing it to shake in contrasting feelings. I look back into the reflection and the ringmaster is laughing manically. Why should I let him win?

Reluctantly I pull the knife back and look at it once more. I look into my reflection. I’m sweating and my eyes are wide and crazy – is this who I’ve turned into? I shake my head in frustration. I will not let him win. I look back at Dr. Carnival and repeat the one thing he said to me.

“Welcome to the carnival, my friend.” I thrust the knife into my stomach and an unbearable pain courses through me and my view starts to fade rapidly. The last thing I hear is a distant scream from a woman who sits next to me. I’m then swallowed completely by black.

I can finally see my friends again.


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104 Reviews


Points: 1425
Reviews: 104

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Mon Mar 27, 2017 5:37 pm
Holiday30 wrote a review...



LOl, once again........you never cease to amaze me. This story defiantly sent chills down my spine and made it wiggle like a worm on a hook. But never the less your detail to content was spot on and your plot was crazy, but easy to follow. Your characters was well developed and I loved all the descriptive words you used in this story. You are truly one of a kind and even though I am terrified of your stories....lml, I do enjoy reading. Here to hoping to read another,

your friend Kwanza




User avatar
104 Reviews


Points: 1425
Reviews: 104

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Mon Mar 27, 2017 5:37 pm
Holiday30 says...



LOl, once again........you never cease to amaze me. This story defiantly sent chills down my spine and made it wiggle like a worm on a hook. But never the less your detail to content was spot on and your plot was crazy, but easy to follow. Your characters was well developed and I loved all the descriptive words you used in this story. You are truly one of a kind and even though I am terrified of your stories....lml, I do enjoy reading. Here to hoping to read another,

your friend Kwanza




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62 Reviews


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Sun Aug 28, 2016 7:00 am
AnarchyWolf wrote a review...



Good morning, godlypopo. AnarchyWolf here to review this short story.

First off - Woah. This was really good. I feel so bad for Sam. Everything you've written makes the reader root for Sam, and makes them so angry at everyone who's hurt him. He's a very strong protagonist right up until the end. I especially like the little hints slipped in about how broken he is, about his inability to care, or feel pain. It's also ominous when a being referred to as him is mentioned a lot at the beginning.

The balance of description-to-action is well-suited to this story. There's not as much as I'd usually see in a short story of a different genre, but that works extremely well here - it gives everything a very fuzzy, very confused kind of feel, which is amplified through Sam being the POV character. It works well to show his feelings and his mind, and helps the reader to empathise so well with him.

Now for the small nitpicks:

Spoiler! :

sunny smiles mental hospital

Brilliant name, but put it in capital letters.

*he*

Italics can be used to stress, instead of asterisks.

is a dreary location

It's either in a dreary location, or is a dreary place. While there's nothing grammatically wrong with location used how you've used it, it'd read better if phrased otherwise.

even if such pain is numb to me it was still irritating

Tenses - to me, it is still irritating

stench of blood and bio

I assume by bio, the man's general body is meant. It'd be easier to understand the gist of it if you wrote body instead.

fake nails dig firmly into it.

Just a tiny nitpick, but something along the lines of flesh or skin would have more impact that it.

Not with him watching.

Seen as emphasis on him was added before, adding it again here would be good, too.

swallowing up

Swallowing down

“Get up you lazy good for nothing!”

"Get up, you lazy good-for-nothing!"

powers

power

It's their entire fault!

It's all their fault!"
But the original can be kept to enhance the feeling of insanity at the end of the story.

fucking

While I have no problem with swearwords, some individuals on YWS probably do. This instance would probably warrant a 16+ warning on this piece.

my view

My vision


Aside from these nitpicks, the only thing I can suggest is perhaps more of a backstory for all of these characters. Sam is very well-developed and so doesn't need one, but it'd be nice to know more about his time at Sunny Smiles', and more about the Aunt and her family would add a lot more depth to them. We'd understand a lot more about everything if we knew more about the happenings before the story, although it isn't needed to enjoy this story because the sense of haziness really adds to everything.

This is a really, really good short story. The surprise protagonist death at the end is a really good shock factor. Is it bad that I wanted him to kill the aunt?

-AnarchyWolf




godlypopo says...


Thank you! The asterisks where because of the program that I wrote it on but thank you for the decent amount of improvents. If you would like to know what happened before this I reccomend highly that you read the first one: Dr. Carnival as you learn more about who he is and how Sam ended up in this mess. Thank you so much though:D



AnarchyWolf says...


You're welcome :) I'll go and read Dr. Carnival now.



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Sat Aug 27, 2016 3:51 pm
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Leftytwo wrote a review...



AHAHAHAHAHAHA...

The "Sunny Smiles Mental Hospital" was great. Kudos for great humor.

As far as grammar goes, there were absolutely no flaws as far as I could tell.

You hit the bulls-eye as far as a well-developed protagonist goes, and you especially excelled with creating his paranoid nature.

You have the perfect description ratio, telling the readers enough about their environment to understand, but not ranting on and on about a certain setting. I loved how you pointed out the aunt's red Afro rubbing against the car ceiling!

Overall, 9/10. I personally don't enjoy when authors kill of the MC at the end, but that is just my preference. Also, this is a little dark for my taste, but again, the one point deduction is just off of preference. Excellent work!




godlypopo says...


Thank you so much :D I tend to write a lot of dark things haha. But I'm glad you enjoyed it!



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Sat Aug 27, 2016 3:04 pm
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I love this! You did a very good job. I'm very interested in this. I'm hoping to read more and more from you. You're really good :)




godlypopo says...


Thank you so much! If you haven't yet, I recommend my first story for this Dr. Carnival - it will explain it a little more :D




It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.
— Mark Twain