Young Writers Society

Hey there. I'm here to review your poem!

I love this tone. I think it's very playful and sweet, and you've very effectively communicated your voice as a little sister. These little anecdotes you include fit seamlessly into the rest of your poem. Great work.

Now onto a few things for you to think about. Disclaimer: this is just my opinion! Don't feel obligated to listen to me whatsoever.

I have to say-- I'm not a huge fan of this rhyming. I don't really think it pushes the poem along very much, and some of your rhymes I had to read again to myself because they fell a little flat. Also, I would be curious as to how you pronounce "Reno". In my head, it doesn't rhyme with "you". I'd encouage you to experiment more with free verse. It's nice to have a structure, but that structure became a little oppressive here, where you skipped over some nice images in favor of a broader, emptier word.

That brings me to description. Specifically, more of it! I think that you could really thrive with free verse, especially because it gives you a lot more-- for lack of a better word-- freedom to work with whatever words you want and whatever images you want. Imagery doesn't always fit perfectly, but I think that this is the one thing your poem is missing. I'd love a concrete thought here, completing an anecdote. You talk about your brother fighting with you and then begging for your ball pen. I'd love to hear about the pen, or maybe about how sheepish he looks when he asks for it.

Finally, I felt almost as if this poem was building up to something more, but it fell a little flat for me as you were closing it. I think the imagery I wrote about a second ago could help, but also planning out how you want to wrap it up. I don't know what your strategy is now, but if you choose to write in free verse, scribbling down a few notes-- or even an outline-- could really help you add a bit of structure and make this poem go from nice to brilliant.

Keep writing.

Jonathan

Hey I am here to review!

I loved everything about this poem from the concept the imagery and the formatting!
I do have little issues that i think can make your poem super better if arranged.
"And then show, me the beautiful little orchids." The caesura in this line is not in the right place. To make it more dramatic and effective it should be placed after me not before it.

"Do you remember?

How perfectly idiotic we used to be,

And how, every time for my misdeeds,

You’d take the blame for me" This stanza made me tear up because I have an older brother and it reminded me of my childhood too.

Also I adore the last stanza because it captured the tone and mood perfectly!

Keep on writing!

This was a vary nice letter story thing, I like how you started out great confidents in what you were writing I like that you mad it sound like it was a letter,
this is some great work it makes it look like you've been writing for a pretty long time nice work, from a 1 to 10 I would give your story I mean letter a 7 or 8 case here or the down sides you were kind of rushing it just a bit, BUT! I am no famous writer or any thing so just you did great and you don't have to lesson to me but never stop witting