Young Writers Society

This poem was so beautiful to read, and I loved the descriptions of the fire. Your choice of language was fascinating and creepy. The line that particularly got me was:

"Now I am scarlet, you are white,"

There is something beautiful in the contrast of these colours, and it's the line when you really understand that danger is approaching fast. The last line is also beautiful:

"Two hearts; now one core."

Very good choice of line to finish, and gives a sense of finality.

Great work, well done!

Hi priceofwords, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day.

Title: I really like your title as it represents your poem well, but I have just on problem with it. Have you ever heard of the song I See Fire from The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug - by Ed Sheeran? I get that song straight into my head and it takes away from your poem. I'd recommend changing it to a different title.

Theme and description: I really like this whole morbid theme around not playing with flame. You made the poem come alive with strong, bright words that gave me some really good pictures. You also put a lot of emotion into your poem and by the end I was quite invested in the story you were telling. The ending was creepy, but interesting. This is one of my favourite poems on YWS.

Rhythm: You had really good rhythm in your poem, that gave it a really fast pace and it almost felt like I was reading to the steady beat of a drum slowly getting louder and louder until right at the end it stopped abruptly on the last line.

Grammar and Punctuation: As far as I can see in your poem, your grammar and punctuation was perfect.

Overall this was a very intriguing poem and I look forward to seeing more from you. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.

Your friend, Felistia.

Aye, Nova here :3

This is so, so amazing. Considering I absolutely love fire, it captured my attention immediately. I really love the way you wrote this, showing the power of fire and what it can do. Personally, I'm so happy to have read this, because it inspired me. Your style of writing is unique from what I've seen. Your use of words is perfect. I don't see any errors at all.

I'm terrible at reviews, so if you didn't get anything out of this I'm sorry D:

Keep writing.

-Nova

I love the metaphor of fire. There's a poem by Goethe that I truly love, that's quite different than yours in theme, that uses the metaphor of a moth at being drawn to a flame (Selige Sehnsucht), and this reminds me of that a bit with the candle and imagery of burning and darkness and other bits. I did once write as part of a skit „ich liebe dich wie ein Falter eine Flamme liebt” ("I love you like a moth loves a flame") jokingly about how intense and deranged someone was for someone else and I see this as a bit of a less jokey version of that. I find the imagery in this poem to not all blend together at all but I think that helps it be more jarring, which is definitely what you're going for.

Wow wow wow I really love this. it's amazing . I'm not a poem kinda girl. I like stories said in straight words but umm... this one is just amazing and lovely and creepy[well I said it in a good way] in an awesome way. Damn 'Two hearts; now one core.' I loved that line. I've always loved fire for it's beauty but never imagined anything like what you just wrote down in there. How much time did it take you? did it just come up or have you been thinking about writing something like this for a long time?Your poem is a long story cramped up[Well I said it in a good way too] into a small one by a very creative mind. Well keep up the good work. Bye.

Be careful around lovers that are like candles. Ignore them, and they're going to burn your house down.

Anyways, *insert overused Minecraft Let's Play intro*. Let's get right into the news.

First stanza in, and you got summa dat imagery. Just two problems with this stanza. First, you wouldn't want to tie anything else to a wick; that's just impractical and dumb. Unless your persona is the wick, it doesn't make too much sense. Second, is it the fix of the witching hour, or is it the fix for/to counter for the witching hour? I advise that you watch how your word yourself at this part.

Second stanza is alright. I just don't get two things. First, why focus so much on parchment? Why, out of all things to burn, parchment? I don't get it. It makes me feel like your persona has some sort of insatiable fetish for parchment. Second, I don't think "trouble" is the best word. It's technically correct, but in this case, it's really generic and not even close to appropriate.

Third stanza is quite good too. I like how you're very consistent with your imagery. Though there's another problem. Why black? I mean, black is probably the last thing that comes to mind when the word "fire" is said. Maybe it's a metaphor of absolute destruction or hopelessness, but eh. I don't think "fire" and "black" go together.

Oh wait, didn't notice the rhymes over there! I gotta give props to you for going the extra 1.60934 kilometer to make it rhymed. I love rhymed poems because it doesn't feel as lazy as free-verse poems. What's best is, these rhymes are really good and the rhyme scheme is very consistent. This is just eyecandy.

Fourth stanza now, and I see a big contradiction. Make up your mind; do you want him to return or not? You said he's white, but white doesn't belong. I know you mean that the persona (which is fire) wants to make the other character "scarlet" (the persona sounds like a she), but it isn't so obvious at first. Heck, it's actually very vague and confusing at first glance.

Aaaand the next two stanzas are simply beeeeeeyoooooootiful. Can't find any faults, they're very easy to remember, and they are actually meaningful.

Overall, just a few seams in some stanzas, but other than that, this is a beautiful poem about dangerous love. It just has that romantic, but not cheesy, imagery and writing style. Also, it's rhymed. yayayayayayay

Please, make more of this eyecandy, and tell me when you do. Hopefully, I'll see more of your works in the future.

Hey Pricey

So, as promised a review, it's not going to be very long because I don't really have anything constructive to say.

Engulfed in my blood red arms

Your screams are soon to jar.