z

Young Writers Society


18+

The Terrible Youth of Freznel: 17

by Eros


Warning: This work has been rated 18+.

  Chapter 17 : Terror

Erwin raised a gun over Freznel's temple. She was horrified and instantly submitted. He moved a little away from her when she submitted.

"W-what are you going to -to-- do with me? "she said breathing fast. She moved her hands with greatest possible strength to free herself, but failed.

" Calm down, baby!" Erwin said as he moved closer towards Freznel. "Just relax... " he whispered in her ears as he slided the gun down her cheeks and then moved it away.

" Move away! " shouted Freznel with irritation.

He raised up his voice and said , " Don't shout! ", and pointed the gun in her direction.

" S-sorry! ", she was helpless. He went near her, and ripped off her clothes harshly.

Freznel was feeling too awkward, and was too embrassed when he did that.

" I never thought you would be so mean! ", she said as tears of hatred glided down her cheeks.

" Oh-oh, Hoh! I am melted! ", he said, making humour of her emotions..." You are talking too much! Shut up! ", He said as he raised up his voice once again.

Erwin licked his palm. Freznel wretched her nose in dislike and complete aversion.

Erwin rubbed his wet palms over her hand, and then slowly moved up to her upper arm.

Freznel started to sweat out of fear. She could not do anything.

She turned her face away. She didn't want to see the face of this mean demon.

Slowly, he touched her stomach and reached for her waist. Though he was raping Freznel, but he was not that cruel to go into her, harshly. He was raping her because he knew she would never agree to unite with him. He loved Freznel, but he also knew very well that the vice versa wasn't true.

Erwin knew that she loved Marldon. This thought made his moves quite harsh at times.

Freznel tried to scream for help, but Erwin immidiately grabbed her mouth with his other hand almost choking her.

He released the chain which tied her back to the pillar, and pushed her to the ground.

She was now lying on the ground, with her hands bolted to the ground above her head. He pushed her legs aggressively on the ground to stop her from kicking him. He ran his tongue forcefully accross her smooth, fair leg, continuing over her stomach, rising up to her neck and paused when he finally reached her lips. He forcefully and desparately kissed on her lips, keeping his hand over her head so that she could not move. After he felt satisfied, he put a cotton ball in her mouth to prevent her from screaming.

He then unfastened her, keeping a strong grip to her hands and made her stand up. He fastened her hands with iron chains and locked them up to the clamps on her both the sides.

He then removed his shirt and lowers. He teased her every body part, and finally united with her body.

When his pleasure was fulfilled, he unfastened only her right hand and gave her clothes to wear again. She struggled hard, but was finally able to put it on, using only one hand. As soon as she covered her body, he re-fastened her right hand with the iron shackles, and again chained her in the same position, with her back tied to the pillar and her hands bolted to the ground, legs stretched free.

He left her alone with the darkness, and walked angrily out of the room. She felt terror from Erwin.

Freznel spat the cotton ball forcefully on the ground. She breathed hard. She could not control her tears, and her body grieved with pain. She went into depresssion after this incident. She would remain lost for most of the time of the day after this incident.


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766 Reviews


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Sun Jun 26, 2016 4:36 pm
Brigadier wrote a review...



Hey there again. It's just Lizzy back once more, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin. I think I'm nearing the end of the chapters in the green room, so I'm afraid that's where I'll have to stop reading for today.

This chapter was much darker than the rest and I'm glad you put the right warning on this. It was definitely 18+ but you might want to add in a 'mature content' warning. Just to be specific about why you were rating it 18+. That's really optional, it depends on your style.

The previous reviewer already brought this up but the part where he is about to rape her is confusing. The way you word it, it sounds like he has already raped her when in fact this doesn't take place for another paragraph or so. You may want to consider rewording this part.

This was probably told in previous chapters but is Erwin her boyfriend or something? That is the vibe I'm getting from his words and the other clues. It sounds like it was very unhappy because she loved someone else. I guess that's why he kidnapped her and her friend. If any of this is incorrect please tell me. I was just trying to guess the plot.

I only found a couple of minor typos so they're not important to the quality.

That's about all I have for now. Have a nice day. Hopefully I'll be back to read he retnof the chapters.
Happy Review Day!
Lizzy
The Queen of the Book Clubs




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Thu May 05, 2016 3:44 pm
Elijah wrote a review...



King Here

This part is amazing! Well, not my favourite one from them all because it kind of scared me just too much and I felt worried for the main female in the story but it was not bad at all. You had described the situation very well and I really did not expect this coming. You made one reader feel even more curious and surprised. I really did not expect this from Erwin. I thought he is the good guy and the waitess is the bad pervert!! ;-;))/
So, as you see, I have nothing bad to say about the events and details in this part. Now, to the corrections you can make.



She was horrified and instantly submitted. He moved a little away from her when she submitted.

I know you want to make it more clear. You had already said that she submits in the previous sentence so you do not need to repeat it again in the following sentence. 'when she did it/that' or something like this. I find it bothersome but it may be only me.

He went near her, and ripped off her clothes harshly.

You need to remove the comma here. You can not put it if you do not connect two independent sentence and the second part is not independent, so it is not possible. If you had noun in the part after the comma, then you can let the comma stay there.

Oh-oh, Hoh! I am melted!

After the comma you can not start with a capital letter if it is not a name of someone/something.

Though he was raping Freznel, but he was not that cruel to go into her, harshly. He was raping her because he knew she would never agree to unite with him. He loved Freznel, but he also knew very well that the vice versa wasn't true.

This part made me honestly think that he is raping her but after that part, I saw that he is starting to touch her and actually rape her.
It is kind of confusing for me, you see, and hope you could find a way to make it understandable that you mean that he 'is going to rape' her, not that he 'is raping' her right NOW.{optional} You do not need comma before 'harshly'.


The end was really heart breaking and I could help but feel bad for Freznel. Overall, keep on writing and good job!





I don't care what the miserable excuse is for showing the death of books, live, on screen. Men, I could understand; but books! -
— Edwin Morgan, From the Video Box 2