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Tips for Taking Over Summer Camp Chapter 23: AAARRRRRGGGHHHH!

by HolographicLadybug


Chapter Twenty-Three: AAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

I screamed. I screamed as loud as I could, wanting to let it all out. Everything. All of that hatred. All of that annoyance. That pathetic feeling of being lost. Everything.

More birds took off in scrambled flight, trying to get away from me. A spider with long legs darted and the colour of dust darted in front of me. I squished it and smiled. That felt good. I then spotted a stick at the edge of the dead end, picked it up, and with a scream, broke it in half. I stomped around for a bit and screamed. I shouted about all of the bad things hat had been happening lately, all of those things that were going wrong. I shouted threats to Trent, complaints about Link, and confessions about Rowan. I vented about the capture the flag game that had gone horribly wrong and swore at the unfairness of it all.

As soon as I started with the curses, they wouldn’t stop coming. It felt good to be like one of those kids from school who swore every three words.

My mouth was a waterfall of complaints that never seemed to cease. I couldn’t find any reason or urge to stop, so I just kept spewing until the sun finally disappeared along with the final streaks of tangerine light. The sky was then replaced by a sheet of dark blue which was speckled by silver stars. The moon was illuminated beautifully that night, casting its faint glow onto everything around me.

But finally, my I started to feel lightheaded and my throat began so dry that I started to imagine parts of it falling off. I forced myself to stop and stood in the middle of the dead-end, panting.

Who knew that swearing could be so tiring? I thought.

~

I crossed my arms across my body as a cool night wind hit my face. I had decided to head back the way I came after finding a thin stream to drink. I didn’t dwell there for long, only taking a few long sips before taking off.

“How long have I been walking?” I wondered. It must had been at least an hour.

My feet were sore from all of the walking I had been doing and they were slick from water and sweat. My shoes were soaked and making my feet ach. I decided that I had enough with the pain and took them off.

As I began walking bare-footed, I noticed how much shoes protected my feet and make stepping on things less painful. I kept sliding off rocks and stubbing my toes on the ridges of mud. Pebbles stabbed my feet with their pointed edges, causing me to seethe from the pain. But the only thing I could do was put up with it and hope that CALAC wasn’t much farther.

I played with the thought of calling for help or for any response at all, but something held me back. I wasn’t very sure if it was fear that something would track me down and kill me or if Link would find me and I would be forced to put up with me, but the thought kept nagging at me.

What am I thinking? I should really call. Maybe someone will hear me. But still….

However, every time I vowed to shout, I wouldn’t. It was like I was being held to a wall by rope, but I had a rope to cut myself free, but I wouldn’t.

Maybe I’m enjoying myself?

I shook my head at that thought, even though part of my mind kept telling me that it was true. Maybe… Maybe I liked being alone without anyone around.

~

The moon was high in the sky now, putting me into a dim, silver spotlight. I had been wondering for the last hour or two if my cabin mates and Cora were looking for me or worried about me. Had they called my parents? Were they worried as well? Had they called the police to look for me?

I tried telling myself that there was no use worrying about what they were doing, but I couldn’t push it from my mind.

They’re probably worried that Link and I haven’t returned yet. But maybe Link has returned for them. Grr… I don’t know what they’re doing! I glanced around at my surroundings: a muddy path bordered by trees. This is probably hopeless. I probably can’t even get to camp this way! I glanced over at the trees. What if I try to find the camp via the forest again? No, probably won’t work. I guess I should stick to this path until I find something.

~

Just as more rocks started to appear on the path, my eyelids started to droop and my legs kept telling me to sit down. But I just kept going. I didn’t want to stop. I was going to find CALAC before I slept.

Then I noticed the more frequent rocks that were showing up on the path. My eyes widened. More rocks meant a paved road was nearby!

I picked up the pace. I wanted to run, but I was too tired. My feet were still complaining, but at least my legs could sill support me at a speed walk.

The rocks were starting to show the path now and I could plainly hear them crunching under my feet. The rocks then turned into hard pavement and my mouth twisted into a smile.

The road was cracked and plagued with weeds. It had been turned an aged grey by the weather and was filled with rather large potholes. The side of the road was covered in beige sand and filled with even more weeds.

This has to be he road to camp! I thought, cracking a grin and letting out a mental victory cheer.

However, my smile soon died as I saw something up ahead. I raced up to it, now being carried by the power of fear.

“Can’t be! Can’t be!” I whispered to myself.

When I arrived at the place of the thing, I covered my head with my hands and let out a silent cry.

Link was lying on the side of the road and I wasn’t very sure if he was breathing.


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285 Reviews


Points: 237
Reviews: 285

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Tue May 10, 2016 4:09 pm
GreenTulip wrote a review...



Hello, Tulip here to give you a review of your chapter!

I know that I haven't read your other chapters yet but I am going to be reviewing just on this chapter. So if I voice any confusion on any of the aspects of it that is why.

So in my opinion, I think the part in which she is just screaming is longer than it needed to be because it seems like it encompasses most of the beginning of the chapter. I don't know if it caused others to lose focus while reading it because I kinda just zoned my way through it till it got past it all. Not saying that it is bad and you need to remove it, I think that condensing it down would be more helpful than anything in it.

The movement through the time in the chapter worked well. It did not seem like it was moving too fast through the entire chapter which is good because you don't want that to happen, especially through the later chapters in the story.

I liked how you ended your chapter with a semi-cliffhanger, causing the reader to want to go to the next chapter wanting to know what happened to Link. I thought that it worked well as you were building more of a suspenseful tone throughout the piece.

Okay so these are the issues I found with Grammarly, and what I fixed for spelling as well.

Spoiler! :
I shouted about all of the bad things that had been happening lately, all of those things that were going wrong.


The sky was then replaced by a sheet of dark blue which was speckled with silver stars.


“How long have I been walking?” I wondered. It must have been at least an hour.


Pebbles stabbed my feet with their pointed edges, causing me to see the See the what?from the pain. But the only thing I could do was put up with it and hope that CALAC wasn’t much farther.


My feet were still complaining, but at least my legs could still support me at a speed walk.


So I really hope that this review helps you or encourages you to keep on writing.

~Keep calm and write on~
~~Tulip~~




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Sun May 01, 2016 11:56 pm
CaptainJack wrote a review...



Hey there Holographic Ladybug. It's just lizzy stopping by real quick while making my way through the green room. I've reviewed a couple of your chapters in the past so I somewhat know what is going on. I will still have questions because I think I've missed a couple. My review will be brief because this was such a short chapter and you don't have many mistakes.

Spoiler! :
Wait, what? How does this not have any revoews yet? And how did I miss this chapter before?


Okay onto the actual part of my review now.
1. So Link and the MC went their separate ways when they reached the dead end? I either didn't remember that or didn't reach that far. I remember that they reached the dead end and she sort of lost it, not as much as this time though.

2. I really did like the part when your character just broke because I found it to be something really relatable. We all have moments when everything just becomes too much and told stressful, when it's like you no longer care. Her situation was extremely stressful considering she was first tryin to find a fellow camper and then trying to make it back to camp alive.

3. Grammar, Spelling and Typos
Spoiler! :
It is just a couple of little things.
- when the mc is explaining her thoughts about the road being nearby, was the exclamation point necessary? It just felt a bit out of place at the end of that sort of statement.
- There are also a couple of minor spelling errors like when you said "sill". I'm pretty sure that was supposed to be "still".
- "bare-footed" I've never heard it stated on that sort of way and it sounds out of place. Maybe just drop the ed?


Anyways I best be on my way. I just had a couple of things to say but there really isn't that to comment on.
Happy Review Day!
Lizzy





Adventure is worthwhile.
— Aesop