Young Writers Society

Hello there. KingQueenKnave here, an honest reviewer. As a fellow lyricist, I couldn't help but be drawn to this song of yours. Naturally, I've imagined a tune to this song, and I anticipate this song to be played in a pop-rock style. As a side-note, I like your use of the image to emphasize the theme of your song. As to what it adds to the piece, I cannot say.

I like that you have used verse-chorus-verse, not necessarily because it's expected of a song, but because it gives your piece clarity. I like the use of the word "blue", and there is a remnant of a chorus in "I am sing sad songs for you, I feel so alone and blue".

I have some issues with this song, although they are a matter of personal taste over objectively wrong parts of your song. First of all, this is all block text. I am unsure as to where the verses and choruses are, so as an improvement, I would suggest you separate them as paragraphs, or label the different parts of the song. Secondly, there are a number of spelling mistakes here. "Peaces" should be pieces. "Began" should be begun. Thirdly, and most crucially, the subject matter you've chosen is often used in songs, which doesn't make your song totally unique.

In conclusion, it was a good attempt. There are some improvements that need to be addressed in both the execution and the subject matter.

Hi harry576, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day.

Theme: The theme you have for the poem is cliché, but since you pulled it off quite well I really enjoyed it. It did feel more like a song than a poem, especially with the wonderful rhyming scheme that you had going. The rhyming didn't feel forced and really helped the poem flow without being blatantly obvious and childish. So well done on that.

Description: You did quite well with the descriptions and you conveyed the emotions really well. I could feel your main characters pain and how broken she was to lose this man. The one thing I would suggest and this is only my personal opinion, is to maybe expand the beginning a bit so that I can get a feeling of what this man meant to the main character. I feel like you don't give enough time on that, so I am not as broken with the character as I could be if you know what I mean.

Grammar and punctuation: I found a few little mistakes in the writing and thought it would be better if I just pointed them out like this.
(I had my heart broken and you helped pick up the #FF0000 ">pieces

I felt like my breath was taken from me

you gave me your kisses and held me close

made me smile and laugh again

my new life has #FF0000 ">begun

now you tell me we are through

made my heart break into a million #FF0000 ">pieces

and this time, your not around to pick them up

and when I hear those church #FF0000 ">bells ring

I start to cry and feel my heart sing out

I am singing sad songs for you

I feel so alone and blue

#FF0000 ">I want to feel you close and in my arms

but all that is there is me and the cold rain

you said we would never be able to gain

the love that I needed from you, will never come

I walk down the street and I see some other couples

I wanted to hold you forever#FF0000 ">, but that will never happen

You are gone and all that is left is

#FF0000 ">The church bells ringing

me crying and my heart singing out

I am singing sad songs for you

I feel so alone and blue.

#FF0000 ">Someday I will get over you

but in till then I will be blue

and singing all the sad songs in the world

and going to the home that is now empty

to a stray dog I had found that night

when you said goodbye to my heart.)

Over all it was a fun poem to read and I look forward to the next one. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.

Your friend, Felistia.

P.S I really like the heart picture.