Wrong relationships, wrong guys, wrong situations...all these are very common this days! We teenagers are so much wanting to have a love life, a boyfriend, that we are attracted by their looks within seconds. We don't even take interest in knowing his past activities, his whereabouts and d most important one, does he really love us or its just a fatal attraction! If he is handsome and knows to speaķ English well then definitely its going to be a big YES.
In the beginning everything seems to be so wonderful. We get butterflies with their every effort they put in the relation. We chat the whole day, we talk over phone almost 24*7, we share each and every details of our life, regular hangouts, dates, exchanging flowers and gifts, talking about their future and they don't even mind to plan your marriage with them...
Lately just with the passage of 2/3 months, the whole scene seems to change! They stop sharing their details, stays online but you never receive a message and you don't want to start the convo because you don't want to annoy them, before your call list used to be flooded with the name of only one person and now you hardly get to hear their voice, no dates, no outings because they are busy. Damn they are busy, busy copying and pasting those sweet things he used to tell to tell you to some other's chatbox! And you just sit there waiting for that one person to remember you! Now you are not allowed to touch their phones...Its quarrel and quarrel every time! AND YOU FIND YOURSELF CRAVING FOR THAT WORTHLESE MAN!
If you are a strong woman, if you have got self respect, then you will stop crushing your EGO and will kick that dumb out of your life. AND IF YOU ARE NOT YOU WILL DESTROY YOURSELF!
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hi, Sunny. Apko YWS mein swagat hain. Achcha laga janke ki aap India sey hoon.
Anyways, let's get to the real point- the review!
Well, this is one very important lesson for girls. I am, just like steam, very glad that you have written this. And I kinda liked that you have written this in an informal form of writing. It sounds cooler and more related.
I think, steam has already pointed out the important things leaving me or any other reviewer only few things to mention. However, I will point out the things that I think, you should know.
The whole writing was about a serious matter but it was written in a cool mind. I have already said, I liked it. But, I thought , it would be great if you used some more madness of the girl of this age. Also, you should have used "girls" instead of "we" cus that confused at first, since I didn't know if you were a girl or a boy. And there was a lot of "we" sentences. Instead of using active voice again and again, you could have brought a bit of variation using passive voice. It doesn't really feel good to read active voice sentences again and again.
And a bit more attention to the grammar and punctuation can make this writing really good. It is already very interesting.
That's all from me. Hope it helps.
Hello, steampowered here for a review and to welcome you to YWS! As someone who has feminist principles, I’m really happy to see an article on this kind of subject (and as someone who worries about not having a boyfriend far more than I ought to, it’s nice to see that other people feel the same way as me about relationships) Further still, I see from your profile that you come from India, and it’s really great to see feminist ideals in what I assume is still a very traditional (but rapidly modernising) society.
Firstly, I’m going to assume that you’re writing specifically for Indian girls when you refer to “if he knows to speak English well”. However, I feel like this could apply to any girl – and obviously, YWS is an international community with a lot of its members being from English-speaking countries. This is just a suggestion which you obviously don’t have to follow, but perhaps you could remove the bit about speaking English and address all girls who might be in this situation – or, alternatively, perhaps you could make it more culturally-specific. A really important thing to do when writing an article is to have your target audience in mind – I’m assuming you’re writing for highly-educated Indian girls here but it’s not completely obvious.
Overall I don’t really have any major criticisms, just a few nitpicky suggestions which might help you improve the flow of the article.
Consider changing this to, “does he really love me or is it just a fatal attraction?” I’d suggest using “me” when talking about “him” (when referring to a specific relationship) – and “us” and “they” when referring to boys in general.
“Its” should be “It’s” – “It’s” means “it is” and “Its” means the same as “his” or “her”.
Usually you don’t need the “for” with the verb “craving”. So, “And you find yourself craving that worthless man” would probably read better. Also, “worthlese” should be “worthless” but a spelling check will probably pick up on that for you.
“Dumb” isn’t a noun on its own, so you need to add a noun. For example, “dumb man”.
Hopefully I haven’t made this too complicated – feel free to ask me if you need any help and I’ll try to explain.
-steampowered-
tnks for d corrections... i luved reading ua review!