Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Hmm...this one was slightly disjointed in its scenes. The flow of the story wasn't as nice as it could have been. There doesn't seem to be too much of an idea behind but rather a pretty ominous message of a possible future and that's about it. The opening also was slightly confusing and I felt like it didn't really pay off that well so that was a little anticlimactic.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Leafy sat in a stolen ship on the edges of space. He was no where in particular, just sulking in the darkness; still on a high from pills of concentrated alcohol.
“Hey you,” he called out to his reflection in the glass of the space ship window.
“Get a grip and get a life – you moron!” His voice was full of hate, croaky and raw.
This is a very dramatic and rather gripping opening right here. It definitely gets you very interested in reading on to find out why this man is doing what he's doing but the problem lies in the fact that it doesn't really have any sort of impact going forward in the story and I feel that makes this wonderful opening go to waste.
Thud. His head smashed against the titanium flooring, bruising it almost instantly. Several crates came open and cut his thick skin open, blood splattered everywhere. The speed of the ship threw him against the walls, then it span and he collided with several crates.
OUCH.
Leafy’s insane laugh ended as the ship hit solid ground and he was jolted back with immense pressure, skin tearing from bone, feet and legs snapping with the back lash of the landing force. He lay still within the ship, barely breathing.
BIG OUCH. That's some great
Robin took out a nimble-gun and shot the man in the burning ship, point-blanc in the forehead.
This action doesn't really make sense to me. I mean why on Earth did he just shoot him in the head for no apparent reason?
“A very rich country…” He said it with slight sarcasm. The crash-lander was American, they were all to blame. “…before we went to war eons ago. Then we were reduced to this – I give you Great Britain!” Robin flung out his arms to the land.
Well that was very dramatic right there. Earth doesn't look to be in very good shape.
The ship was easy to fix. That is if he had parts and fuel. Nuclear fuel was banned in Great Britain, so Robin had told him. And metals but lead were melted away and were in short supply. Conversation was the only tool to sanity.
If there is no one left alive who is making the laws exactly? Have the aliens taken over? Or are the places that we see the only areas without life?
“Not cool, we all nearly died, so the stories go.”
Definitely not cool. Nuclear explosions are very hot. (I highly doubt you will understand that reference.
“Radiothingies,” he said simply. “Poisons people and makes people look funny.” Robin said. “Radio’s are banned here.”
That isn't really how nuclear fallout works but I guess this is sci fi so I'll let that one slide.
"Damn you,” he shouted, they were insulting his country. He stepped into the space craft, laughing once more. The jets started and he took off at a slow speed. His laughing soon stopped and guilt formed in his throat. He looked down at his satellite navigation. He was above the Middle East. He leaned over the control panel and looked down onto the land below. No life was their, all had been annihilated.
Well that was quite the message to end things on right there.
Aaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall the characters in this story don't appear to be having a real conversation. They seem to reading things off of a script to benefit us the readers by spouting exposition and that's never a good thing. And the message is slightly cliched but it does send something through so that's a plus point. Overall it was good enough and easy to understand the story although the setting wasn't always the clearest. Anyway those are my two cents.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 254288
Reviews: 4103
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