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Young Writers Society


12+ Language

Frozen Light

by Natsu2246


Prologue

Once long, long ago was a peaceful village called Moonshine. Everybody was charismatic and happy till a curse was placed upon it. The town is frozen in time forever to be until a young girl and her friends come upon it and start the journey of a lifetime.

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4102 Reviews

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Mon Jun 14, 2021 12:00 pm
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Once long, long ago was a peaceful village called Moonshine. Everybody was charismatic and happy till a curse was placed upon it. The town is frozen in time forever to be until a young girl and her friends come upon it and start the journey of a lifetime.


Okay, well...right off the bat, I have this really isn't enough to be considered as a prologue. Its not really to do with the length. I've seen prologues of a similar length that manage to sound like well...prologues, but this one gives me more of a synopsis like vibe than anything else cause its just talking about an interesting setting of the story and then what the general plot will be. So there's that little detail to think about if you are in fact thinking about keeping this as a proper prologue to this story itself.

Anyway, onto what's actually in it, the first part is alright, its just a pretty generic statement that introduces the main setting here and well there's not much that you can really do wrong about that one. The second line though is a little off. I don't know if you can just describe every single person in a village as charismatic...happy seems like a word that would be used in a situation like that but charismatic strikes me as a bit off.

And then of course we have the last line which is what really drew me to the piece. It certainly seems like an interesting prospect to have a place frozen in time due to a curse...and well...I'd certainly want to read on to find out more. :D

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Wed Jan 06, 2016 5:04 am
BEWriter wrote a review...



Hi! I'm just going to start out by saying I really your title. But I have a question. Are you just meaning that it's frozen in the day, and that's why there is light and it is frozen? Or is it meaning light as in good? Or do I have to continue reading and figure out what it means because it seems really interesting.

As cpedro said, I do think this is more of a synopsis. A short summary of the story. But I think you can put even more detail into it. You can put the characters name, maybe how long it took for the girls to find the village to when the village was cursed. You did good, but you can add those extra details that would give readers more information and more to get hooked about. Telling us how long the village was cursed would give us an image on what the people of Moonshine look like. And names of people sometimes give off personality. A name like Asher would tell me that he's more of a bad boy, something like that.

I didn't see any corrects you needed to make, good job! This seems way good and I'm excited to continue reading. I'd love it if you'd follow me and look at some my work.

Keep Writing
B.E. Writer



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Natsu2246 says...


To answer your question time is frozen so they do the same process again and again and the only way to stop it is unfreeze time so they can start a new day so basically new light thanks for comment



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Wed Jan 06, 2016 4:24 am
cpedro wrote a review...



Hello natsu2246 (another fairy tail lover ;D), welcome to YWS and I hope you can feel at home just as much as we all do! :D

Now unto what really matters. If you wish to introduce your story to your readers you can do it by either having a synopsis or a prologue, even though in most books you have both (synopsis in the back cover and prologue in the begining of the story). The reason I'm saying this is because what you have presented here is more considered a synopsis than a prologue. A prologue does an introduction too but it has more information about the story or in some cases they use it to refer to present events that will influence the story ahead. So I think you should use this as a synopsis and then make a longer prologue. But don't worry because this is a common mistake (I've done it myself).

Hope I was helpful and hope to see more.



Random avatar
Natsu2246 says...


Thanks for advice this is really helpful I've more of a fanfiction writer so fiction writing is a little new and this will be edited for better content



cpedro says...


You're most welcome! :) I hope you can improve your writing by staying with us and create something amazing.
If you wish a little help about how to do a synopsis and how much information you should disclosure without giving too much and still keep the readers interested check out my synopsis for my novel birthmarked. I'm pretty proud of it and it might help you.
Anyways keep writing and hope to see more!




Remember: the plot is nothing more than footprints left in the snow after your characters have run by on their way to incredible destinations.
— Ray Bradbury