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Young Writers Society



Pebbletown Christmas - Chapter 2

by Steggy


The next morning, Mr. and Mrs. Mayor of Pebbletown woke up with the sunshine lighting up the room. Jolly was busy in the kitchen cooking breakfast, with the smell of bacon and eggs filled the air. Mr. Mayor yawned, rubbing his whiskers quickly and scurried towards the kitchen. He clambered up the side of the table, before sitting on his rump. Jolly was humming different array of Christmas songs while flipping pancakes and putting the bacon on the plate. When she turned around, the mouse squeaked which caused Jolly to jump, nearly dropping the plates.

“Don’t do that. Again.”

“Why not?”

Jolly narrowed her eyes. “I nearly dropped breakfast, that’s why.” She waddled around in disgust, carrying the tray of food into her bedroom. His wife soon was on the table, smoothing out her dress unaware of what had happened. Mr. Mayor grumbled under his breath, patting at his coat pockets. He fumbled his tiny mouse paw into one and reached out his gold watch. The mayor sighed, pocketing the watch and hung his head,

“What’s wrong?”

“I missed a meeting, again.”

His wife gave a sorrowful look, patting her husband’s paw.

“Was the meeting important?” she asked.

“Not really, no.” he responded, the tone of hurt echoed in his voice. “All we were going to talk about is the upkeep of the town, certain areas that need improvement, and probably hear the dogs again.”

He took a deep breath, “The best part of it all is, I get to spend time with my wife.” Jolly the duck came out from her bedroom, placing the dishes on the counter next to the sink.

“That’s nice, honey but I’m afraid I cannot hang out with you,” the Mayor’s wife said.

“Why not?”

“It’s cold outside with snow and I hate to get my paws all wet. It’ll cause me to have hypothermia,” she responded, waving her hands about.

“She also has plan to help me around the house, Mr. Mayor.” Jolly the duck stated while washing the dishes. Mr. Mayor sighed. running a paw over his head.

“Looks like I’ll be alone… again. Good-bye, Jolly and lovely party last night,” he said hopping off the table and into the living room. When he was gone, Jolly stopped what she was doing and stared hard at Mrs. Mayor.

“Does he know yet?”

“Yes, I’m going to tell him I’m buying him all sorts of presents for Christmas,” she responded sarcastically. Jolly gave a hard look, retreating back to washing the dishes. Mrs. Mayor hobbled off the table and into Jolly’s bedroom, while Mr. Mayor scurried out the door with his small coat. When he got outside, the cold wind greeted him like an old friend. Jolly watched from the window, drying off a plate for a lunch later.

*******

When he got into town, most of the animals were awake each scurrying about, going into town and shopping. He hurried past a few shops with Christmas decor, bright lights sparkling in the window and a small tree spinning too. There was a faint melody of a memory was playing down the street, along with the smell of peppermint floating through the air.

The mayor ran along Main Street, taking in lungful of cold air. The bell tower clock chimed loudly, as the work day in Pebbletown came to a close. Hundreds of little animals hurried out of their stores, racing to their cars all the while the mayor was pushing through.

When he was in the clearing, Mr. Mayor looked down at his pocket watch. He sighed, shoving the pocket watch back and continued on his journey. The sky overhead was fading into a pretty peach as the temperature was dropping slowly, causing the poor mayor to shiver. To his left, small animals were sledding down big hills on pieces of cardboard, books, and even shoes. Some were even making snow mouses, snow angels, and having snow fights.

It was peaceful in Pebbletown, the worries of the townsfolk were dug deep down and covered. They didn’t have to stress about running a city.

The Mayor of Pebbletown ran until he came to the city’s capito, decked out with pretty lights and surrounded by small Christmas trees. Several of the Pebbletown’s best were on the steps drinking hot chocolate when the mayor ran up.

“Ah! Mr. Mayor, what a surprise to see you here!” A goose by the name of Dew, said. He raised his mug in the air, before taking a sip. The rest that were around Dew, did the same.

“That’s nice but-”

“Didn’t you miss the meeting today?” Another goose by the name of Pano, asked. The mayor rubbed his face.

“Yes, but it wasn’t important.”

“Are you sure? The dogs were there, trying to convince Mr. Riggs about canceling Christmas. Everyone was there, including the cleaners but they were outside,” stated Pano. The mayor’s face dropped.

“Yeah. Luckily Mr. Riggs was stubborn enough to say no, however, they might be planning another meeting now. Pano! Stop chugging your hot chocolate! Mr. Mayor? Where are you going?” Dew yelled towards the mouse, who was through the capitol building’s door.

Just as he gotten inside, the mayor saw the dogs and Mr. Riggs in conference room. He looking down at a paper, a pen in his flipper while the dogs were surrounding him. A single ping of pain hurt the mayor’s heart when he saw Mr. Riggs signing the paper that canceled Christmas. 


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1085 Reviews


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Tue Feb 16, 2016 11:51 am
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Mea wrote a review...



Hey there! I'm here for a quick review.

So, I'm a huge sucker for animal fantasy stories. They're great and I love them. But you might want to make sure it's not just human society where all the people have whiskers or tails or whatever. If they really are all different types of animals, that will massively impact how they interact with each other and what they are able to do. For example, the lack of opposable thumbs is something that makes it difficult for most animals to use many different types of tools.

But the other big factor here is size - animals are very different sizes. The duck shouldn't be able to fit in the mouse's house at all, and similarly most of the dogs are going to be larger than the other animals. Now, maybe in your head all the animals are roughly the same size, and that's fine, you just need to find a way to make that obvious in the story so that the readers know.

Another thing, size-wise, to consider is that snow will be a lot harder on them then it would be on us, because what a few inches to us would be is like a few feet of snow to many animals. Mice in particular would always wind up completely snowed in, unless they're light enough to walk on the top of it.

Also, I agree with the previous review about the mayor's reaction to missing a meeting - responsible adults don't act like that.

Anyway, I think this is a very sweet Christmas story so far - I like the idea. However, I feel like I need more information before the paper is signed. Right now, I don't really understand why they'd want to cancel Christmas, and that's taking me out of the story and making it harder for me to care. Maybe you could add in a bit about why the dogs want to cancel Christmas before saying it's been done.

If you have any questions, just ask. Good luck!




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Fri Dec 04, 2015 7:27 pm
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EverStorm wrote a review...



You posted the second chapter! Good for you! I really like this story. Its cute. Now, to the nitpicking.

First, even though your mayor is a mouse, his job is super important. He's responsible for an entire community. Maybe the meeting he missed wasn't important, but it was to someone. Him missing a meeting is a black mark on his record, and he's not going to like that. Anyone that runs for mayor finds it a very important job, and whoever wins takes it very seriously. He would have gone ballistic if he missed a meeting. The public would think he was irresponsible and not fit to be in that office. Even though the meeting wasn't "important" he would have wanted to be there for the sake of the people seeing him there. I'm not saying make him go to the meeting, but chalk it up. Make it dramatic that he missed a meeting. (Also, no mayor would be like "oh I missed a meeting but I get to hang out with my wife" They would be like "Oh shoot I missed that meeting. [Insert group or person here] is going to have a fit. I've got to run honey and make sure I can clean this up enough to make sure I can get reelected" but you don't have to remove that part, just pointing it out)

Next, make his encounter with the geese more dramatic as well. I once heard that you should make your main character have the worst possible day ever. He missed the meeting, he runs into the geese, so make the geese really obnoxious and make them force him to stay behind just a little longer, annoying him and making him even more late.

All in all, its good for a draft. Making it more dramatic wouldn't hurt. I like this story and will definitely be keeping up with it.

RaeOfSunshine




Steggy says...


Thank you! :D




"She doesn't even go here!"
— Damian Leigh