Krampus the ancient Ch. 2 new day

by Jpwriter

Published December 2, 2015

In My work

Ch.2 new day

Four years later

The snow fell heavy on Krampus’s heavy wool cloak as strutted through the deep snow. A nicely plump yak was flung over his shoulder. It was the night before the winter solstice and then he would be forced to replay his yearly routine.

Ahead loomed a large cave with teeth of stalagmites and stalactites. Its inside filled with seemingly infinite darkness.He smiled “home sweet home.”

The inside was musty and damp, the bats that lined the ceiling chattered nervously as Krampus walked under them. He continued down a tunnel that lead to several forks until he came to a poorly lit cavern.

At the back was a large oak door, he walked to it removing a black iron key from the folds of his cloak and inserting it in the lock. The door shuttered as he pushed it open. He stepped in to another dark tunnel he closed the door and waited till he was sure its large bolts and locks slid shut.

He sighed “home at last” he pulled of his cloak and threw it on to a statue of a gargoyle. He walked into the inner chamber that was unusually dark. He walked over to the fire pit filled with large logs, laid the yak to the side and grabbed the flint.

He scratched it on his claws sending sparks flying that quickly caught the large logs into a blaze. He sighed and looked around the cavern that held two beds. A table three chairs and a shelf with many treasures he had gathered through the years. Another tunnel lead off to a store room.

He looked towards the small bed that was empty, and the rest of the room was empty as well. He smiled “were are you little runt” he spun around looking, for Galvan.

Then he heard it above on the ledges that were higher up in the chamber. His grin widened, the giggling and shuffling. Backing up a little to make sure when he jumped he wouldn’t smack onto the ground. And there it was.

“ARGHHHH” Krampus felt the sudden wait of the small boy slam into his back. The boy, Galvan, clambered to keep from falling onto the ground, laughing as Krampus attempted to grab him.

Finally, he grabbed a foot and swung the boy in front of him struggling to keep the boy from falling. The boy laughed loudly as Krampus held him up in front of him. Krampus waited till he stopped struggling till he put the boy down.

“I almost had you didn’t I, right?” he said smiling as he crawled into a chair. “I’ve been planning since you left looking for the best place to get you.”

Krampus cackled as he lifted the yak onto the table, “you sure surprised me, could you hand me the knife, you need to learn to not laugh while sneaking up on someone especially someone with some of the best hearing around, thank you, but did you get your chores done.” He said with a questioning look.

Galvan nodded “yep I skinned those to yaks, I swept up, and organized the store room the best I could.” He picked up a needle and started threading a sting through it. “I was going to sew up all the holes on your cloak if you don’t mind.”

Krampus only nodded as he began to skin the yak. He was thinking about his departure the next night. What he would do for two months and his worry for Galvan. It had been four years and two months since the fateful night he decided to take Galvan with him planning to drop him off in a town near to his path, but he soon grew a liking to the young boy and had taken him under his wing.

Since then he had taught the boy skills of survival, he also taught him skills any other human would learn which proved to be quite a challenge. But it had worked out, and the boy had become a big help.

“Also the some of the hens got out somehow but I couldn’t find any holes and the door was closed but I got them all back in.” Krampus was snapped out of his thoughts and looked over. “Um good job now um let see you remember what the rules are while I’m gone right.”

He sighed “yes don’t climb up into the nest, don’t eat everything at once, don’t mess with anything on the shelf, and don’t leave unless I somehow run out of food or one of the magic items starts acting weird or talking.” He said a little annoyed having to once again go over these rules.

“And” said Krampus. Galvan sighed once more “if somebody would to happen upon the door do not open the door.” Krampus chuckled at the boy’s exasperated attitude.

“I know you hate all these rules, but you know that I have been made a villain and that this make people wish to destroy me if they find you who knows what they do” he said he picked up the hide he had just cut clean of and looked at it “this would be nice for a new layer on my cloak, the old thing may not have much time on it but I can make it last at least.”

Galvan sat up “but in all the time I’ve been living with you I not once have ever heard of anyone entering or even coming near the cave, and doubt anyone can find it.” Krampus only shook his head and flipped the yak over and continued to work.

They worked in silence besides them asking for items or Krampus giving Galvan more tasks. This was most nights in there humble little hole that served as their home. This would also be the case till the next night after Krampus returned with last of the supplies Galvan would need and the Krampus would depart on his yearly tradition.

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Galvan sat finishing up the job of sewing up Krampus’s cloak. Krampus entered holding one of the hens that they kept for eggs. It sat in his paw cooing as he stroked it gently “this little thing got out somehow and I can’t figure out how, the latch is on tight and there’s no holes.”

Galvan looked up at the hen “that’s one of the ones that got out last time just like I told you.” Krampus wrinkled his brow deep in though as he sat in his chair the hen picking at his fingers trying to get him to keep petting him.

“Done” Krampus snapped out of his little trance that Galvan commonly saw him enter, just thinking as Krampus had once told him when he was younger. He held up the finished cloak that he’d been working on since Krampus had left that afternoon.

“Thank you boy this will do nicely, did you get my bag all packed” he took the cloak and handed Galvan the hen, “yes every things there.” He patted the annoyed hen as Krampus slipped on his cloak. “thank you well then I will be off you remember the rules of course remember to keep up with your studies, chores and …” as he said this from the store room three more hen came walking out, “and figure out how they keep getting out, for Belo’s sake.”

He threw his cloak over his scared white back. Galvan stared at the many scars that littered his back. Each one a story, each one a battle, each one a death. A year ago he had gotten several new ones when a band of mercenary hired to kill him had attacked and failed. Some were still red from poison that had been added to the blades.

They had caused him great pain but had ended up healing. But now they were a constant pain one had opened back up a week ago, if wasn’t for Krampus miraculous ability to heal from such wounds so quickly he might not have survived.

He pulled the mysterious key that seemed vanish whenever it entered his cloak. They walked towards the door and Krampus inserted the black iron key into the lock, unlocking the door. They waited until all the bolts and bars that held the large door shut were unbolted and raised. The cold air from outside quickly rushed in causing Galvan to shiver, but it seem to rejuvenate Krampus make him stronger ready for the night.

The hen scrambled out into the dark cavern which they were rarely aloud to enter. Galvan scrambled to gather them back inside while Krampus looked at something in his hand. When Galvan had ushered the hen back inside he spoke.

“Galvan it has been four years since you stepped under my wing and you are the age of eight now at most, I believe its time you had this.” He took the item from his hand and handed it to Galvan. It was a smaller version of Krampus key and made of silver. It shined brightly in the dark.

“It will help you find your way home if you are ever forced to leave, it will glow brighter as it gets closer to the lock and will of course unlock the door.” Galvan stared in aww, he had never seen any other key to the door except for Krampus’s key. It was surprisingly heavy for such a small key, it had several strange markings on it.

“Thank you, were did it come from though besides your key I’ve never seen another for the door?” he looked at Krampus who was stroking his chin.

He sighed and finally spoke “I’m sorry boy there is so much I have yet to tell you about me and I will explain much of it upon my return please be patient.” He hugged the boy tight “I now must depart good bye.” With that he strode out the entrance of the cavern without making a word and melted into the darkness like ice.

Galvan sighed and pulled the door shut “good bye.” He then presided to usher the hen back into their pen.

He thought deeply trying his best to remember the night he has met Krampus but as it had been for many years he could remember little of the night. It was a blur he remembered only Krampus taking out the black key and opening the door to his home years ago.

Back then it had been a dark musty pit, which had been almost unlivable for a human child which Krampus at spent much time making it a cozy little home. He sighed and looked around, he grabbed two books from the collection under his bed and walked over to the wall were he began climbing up to a small hole in the sealing.

Once he reached the hole and climbed in, he rummaged around the pile of books looking for the matches. When he found them he lit one and walked towards a large crystal jutting from the wall he closed on eye and aimed. He then threw the match at crystal square on the tip and was instantly out.

Galvan waited several seconds before the crystal lit up in a brilliant glow. He had no clue how the crystal did it but whenever fire would touch it the crystal would absorb it and begin to glow. Galvan turned and walked over to a small pile of books and placed one of the books on it. He then sat down and began to read.

This for the next few months would be how Galvan would spend his time, reading book after book. The room was filled with books that Galvan had read, many he had not, each one a legend a story that Krampus had collected over the many years. They were of knights, monsters, continents, history, and gods. A few had Krampus in them, but when Galvan read something about Krampus it was always how he should be feared and what to do to avoid him coming to your home.

Galvan despised it, Krampus wasn’t a completely horrible, bloodthirsty monster by heart, it was his job. More of a curse given to him before his creation. Everyone hated him he didn’t get a choice whatever that meant.

He sat there under the dimming glow of the crystal, his mind drifting to other worlds. His eyes fluttered shut and he was asleep. Little did he know he was not alone in the shadow of the door way was silhouette of the little winged stone monster.

It chuckled “well, well Krampus my dear old friend its true your gone soft, well I can’t blame you sleep well little amigo we will meet very soon, very soon indeed.” The small creature slipped away into the dark chuckling to its self.

Ch.3 old friends in the night -Coming Soon- :p

Comments & reviews · 3

HolographicLadybug wrote a review Review · Dec 9, 2015

Greetings JPwriter!


I'm going to get right down to the nitty-gritty stuff, 'kay? :)

'...darkness.He smiled “home sweet home.”'
You don't have a space after the period.
Also, I take it that the said 'Home sweet home.' I suggest putting a period at the end of 'smiled' and capitalizing 'home'. I would normally recommend putting the dialogue on a new paragraph, but it's perfectly fine this way.

'Ahead loomed a large cave with teeth of stalagmites and stalactites.'
I'm jumping around a bit, aren't I? :)
I know what both stalagmites and stalactites are, but because they both sound, look, etc. almost the same, I would recommend just sticking with one or the other. You can choose to do this, I'm not pressuring you or anything. ;)
I do like the whole description here, though!

'He sighed “home at last” he pulled of his cloak and threw it on to a statue of a gargoyle.'
Because I'm going to have a bit of trouble explaining this one, I'll just write it down:
'He sighed. “Home at last.”
He pulled of his cloak and threw it on to a statue of a gargoyle.'
Paragraph included.

'He smiled “were are you little runt” he spun around looking, for Galvan.'
This could go several ways and it all depends on how you would like it to be. But, for both of out sanity [ ;) ], I'll just explain it the easiest way possible. (No use confusing both of us, right?)
Ok, there should be a period after 'smiled'.
I'm still debating on whether or not the dialogue should be on a whole new paragraph, but I think that it's fine the way it is.
It also took me a bit to figure out what you meant by “were are you little runt”. My mind was all like, 'Ok, is there a word missing or something....?' But then I realized that you were mixing up homonyms (or homophones).
You used 'were' as in 'You were a little runt.' (That's what I thought you meant at first.) The word you want is 'where', as in 'Where's the freaking wardrobe so I can find Narnia?????'
You should also have a period at the end of the line.
Finally (for this one), I recommend that you should move the comma to after 'around'.

'Finally, he grabbed a foot and swung the boy in front of him struggling to keep the boy from falling.'
I'm not 100% sure that 'finally' is the best word for this. It could be, but I would recommend you using 'after a long struggle' or something like that.

'What he would do for two months and his worry for Galvan.'
This is a question, so there should be a question mark after it.
Also, I'm not quite sure what you mean by this. I wish I could suggest something to you..... But I kinda can't. Sorry. It all depends on what you mean to say.

'“I’m sorry boy there is so much I have yet to tell you about me and I will explain much of it upon my return please be patient.”'
I don't usually identify run-ons, but this is a run-on. Here is what it should look like:
“I’m sorry boy, there is so much I have yet to tell you about me and I will explain much of it upon my return. Please be patient.”
Also, is 'boy' Krampus's pet-name for Galvan? If it is, then 'boy' should be an uppercase word when Krampus is speaking. ONLY when Krampus is speaking.
Grammar can sometimes be confusing, can't it? ;)

'He threw his cloak over his scared white back.'
Unless his back is afraid, I think you mean 'scarred'.

'He sighed and looked around, he grabbed two books from the collection under his bed and walked over to the wall were he began climbing up to a small hole in the sealing.'
I think you mean 'ceiling'.


There's nothing really wrong with your story, just some grammar errors. But we all make them, don't we?
What I have put above probably doesn't make me seem like I love your story (my profile picture isn't helping either). But I really love it. It's so imaginative and everything. It's awesome.
Now I will move on to he better parts of my review! :)

'He scratched it on his claws sending sparks flying that quickly caught the large logs into a blaze.'
Ha! I love this! So imaginative, yet so true. It's really awesome what sorts of imagination you have put into this!

'The snow fell heavy on Krampus’s heavy wool cloak as strutted through the deep snow. A nicely plump yak was flung over his shoulder.'
Just how big is Krampus, anyway? Big enough to carry a yak, I guess.
I probably already said this, but love the name Krampus!

'A few had Krampus in them, but when Galvan read something about Krampus it was always how he should be feared and what to do to avoid him coming to your home.'
Ah, yes. A legend! Love it! So cool.
There seems to be a bit of symbolism here.......

'He threw his cloak over his scared white back. Galvan stared at the many scars that littered his back. Each one a story, each one a battle, each one a death. A year ago he had gotten several new ones when a band of mercenary hired to kill him had attacked and failed. Some were still red from poison that had been added to the blades.'
Backstory! This is one of many parts where you have added backstory. You do it very well, too. I'm personally still trying to perfect it, so keep it up. :)


I love how you ended your chapter with suspense, too!
Very good. I have nothing else to say.

Merry Christmas!
~Holographic Ladybug :)

User avatar
TimmyJake
Review
TimmyJake wrote a review Review · Dec 3, 2015

Timmy hereeee

Alright, so I'm going to have to agree with the first reviewer. You've improved so, so much! Like... woah, that was unexpected. There's always a bit of improvement from previous chapters when writing, but I did not expect to see such a rapid improvement in your writing as you're showing us here. You've done amazing. There are fewer mistakes (in both grammar and punctuation), and the piece flows much better than it had before. I also find myself loving this little boy that Kampus befriended. He has this cute way about him - how he talks and acts around Kampus. I like how you're building his character... and I also sense that he's going to play more of a part than just a sideline character as he is now. I think you're going to turn him into a major part of the book, and that's so exciting. c:

I'll go through and point out a few things you can improve on, okay?

A nicely plump yak was


Okayyy, so a yak is an enormous animal - kind of like a cow. From what I've read of him, he's a normal size guy... right? So unless this is the smallest yak to ever walk, he needs a different way of getting this thing home besides carrying it on his shoulders as you described. Lol

He smiled “home sweet home.”


Punctuation. You need to spend quite a bit of time working on this. There are several ways you can get better at it. One - when you get a review and someone corrects what you have, allow it to burn itself into your memory so you never forget... and then apply what you learned. Also, write! - but especially reviews. I found that writing reviews has helped my writing even more than writing itself. That may sound odd, but there it is. Reviewing helped give my thoughts cohesion, but also allowed me to learn how to properly give the writer my thoughts, and one necessity of a good review is good punctuation. There are several websites you can also go to for good articles on punctuation, such as this one that I've been sending people to for years. It's something that comes in time, so don't be too worried when you don't get it tomorrow, but continue writing, reviewing and studying. It'll come to you as you gain experience and knowledge... as long as you work at it. c:

Your punctuation errors in the text I removed are just a few things. After smiled, you need a period. Also, while I did not remove the text and paste it here, the period for the preceding sentence is butted-up directly against the beginning of the sentence I pulled out. Always leave a space after the period. So: them. He smiled.

“I know you hate all these rules, but you know that I have been made a villain and that this make people wish to destroy me if they find you who knows what they do” he said


You can do your dialogue that way if you want, but there is a better place to put taglines. When you have a longer piece of dialogue from your character like the bit I pulled out above, try to have the tagline as soon as possible. So in this case: "I know you hate all those rules," he said. "But, you know that I have been...." Also notice how I did the tagline. When you have he said, you always have a comma before it as I did, aaaand then a period after the said. It's a sentence closure.

He sighed and looked around, he grabbed two books from the collection under his bed


These are two sentences - not one. What you need to do isn't complicated, but you make this mistake quite often in your writing (it's not something to worry about. I did the same for years). A period belongs where you have your comma in the sentence, which would split it into two correct sentences. You can do that... or you can add a conjunction (and, but) to make the sentence flow, keeping the comma. As you've structured it, I'd simply replace the comma with a period.

The small creature slipped away into the dark chuckling to its self.


Comma after dark

he looked at Krampus who was stroking his chin.


Comma after Krampus. Also, you need to capitalize the first word of your sentence! c:

He thought deeply trying his best to remember the night he has met Krampus but as it had been for


Comma after both deeply and Krampus.

I'm not showing you so many punctuation errors to drag you down and depress you, but rather to give you an idea of where they're supposed to be in your writing. Sometimes you place them perfectly, and your writing excels in those places. Others, they're in the wrong spots or missing, and so your writing suffers. Go to the website I suggested and read up on the different kinds of punctuation. I promise you that it will be worth the time to go through and learn the technical side of things... so that you'll be able to learn the application of that knowledge.

I'm really loving this book so far! The characters are deep and I love the personalities you give them. I find myself especially loving Galvan. There seems to be something special about that boy that I hope we'll discover later. Krampus seems to have quite the history we have yet to find out about, and I'm excited for that, too! c:

I'll spend less time on punctuation and more time on characters next chapter. Looking forward to reading it already. :3
~Darth Timmyjake

Thanks Timmy this is a great help I will fix this up per your suggestions thank you

User avatar
FallWolf
Review
FallWolf wrote a review Review · Dec 3, 2015

Hola Jpwriter! FallWolf here to give you some more tips and tricks for your story =)

The plot is moving along nicely =) and I am still intrigued by the characters and story line! Your writing voice is still awesome, and I can't wait to see what happens to Galvan while Krampus is away.

Your grammar is very much improved from my first reading, and though it could still use some work, the paragraphs have improved reading drastically.

Okay, so this is a very short review, but the truth is that other than grammar, you don't have much to improve! I can't wait to read your next chapter =)

Don't stop writing!
-FallWolf

I am especially intrigued by how the hens are getting out... did the little stone guy let them out? Is there a secret passage? Can't wait till next chapter =)

Thanks wolf for taking a look at this, it's a great honor to have so many people looking at this and liking it. Thanks



Thou call'dst me a dog before thou hadst cause. But, since I am a dog, beware my fangs.
— Shylock, The Merchant of Venice