Young Writers Society

This poem was really interesting and unique. Awesome job!

the theme of this poem is very good . no one is actually perfect in this world and if anyone has to find someone so perfect then she has to spend her life searching and then atlast after her deathy she may find her so ideal groom in heaven. thjis world hdnt ceated anyone perfect. the lyrical way u used to describe thje nature and picturized the maiden or sholud i say forever maiden isa remarklable congrats non a great work.

I really enjoyed the morale I got out of this poem! It is true indeed, that sometimes we look too hard for someone who is without flaws yet the imperfect person who is right in front of our eyes, and in their imperfection (like all of us, no human is without flaws!), they are actually the perfect one for us.

Every person has flaws, but when two people unite as soul mates, the one persons good balances the other persons evil and the other way around. Together, they make the perfect couple.

Thank-you for posting this poem! It has an interesting perspective and is beautifully rhymed.

Hello Divya.

First things first, I'd like to say that you have a great concept here. As RagingLive already mentioned, this is a nice twist, and I am very much a fan of conceptual twists like this.

With that said, there's two major technical issues that really weaken this poem. The less major issues deal with punctuation and formatting, and the major issue is the rhyme.

Contrary to what you may have been taught, poems do NOT have to have punctuation at the end of every line. In general, poetry follows the same conventions of punctuation and capitalization as regular writing, so I'd strongly recommend you go through and nix all those unnecessary commas and capitalizations. An easy way to make sure your poem is properly punctuated and capitalized is to put it all on one line so that you have a paragraph. Once everything is punctuated properly, you can go and add your line breaks back in.

To get rid of the space in between each line, you can use a hard line break. The command for that is Shift + Enter/Return, and it makes your poem much easier to read since it won't be spaced out so much, and it will also be easier to distinguish stanzas if you have any.

As for the rhyme: rhymes rely heavily on patterns to work, and having the words at the ends of lines rhyme is not enough to support a rhyme scheme in a poem. Even more important than having an exact rhyme is having matching meters in rhyming lines. Basically, each word has a pattern of stressed and unstressed syllables. Meter is the pattern of stressed and unstressed syllables within the lines of a poem. When you have matching meters and rhyming words at then ends of lines, those lines make a solid rhyme (from a technical standpoint).

For example, "the black pot is quite hot" rhymes even without line breaks whereas "the pot is black and hot" does not because there is no pattern of distance between the rhyming words. In the first example, the rhyming words occur every third syllable, and it's this pattern that makes the rhyme work.

An obvious example of mismatched meters can be found in these two lines:

The forest proposed to her,
But she felt he was too green for her...

The forest proposed to her,
But he was too green for her

Wow, this was simply beautiful! I loved how you contrasted all of nature's beauty, but how none fit the 'fair maiden'. This is sort of a poetic twist on a fairy tale and I love it! I do have a few nitpicks though . . .

1) "The moon shone in the sky at night,Looking for her mighty knight," wonderful rhyming imposed here, but I felt that the second line needed a few more syllables to pan out. Maybe "Looking for her brave, mighty night" or "Looking for her brave and mighty night"

2) "And refused to think about him throughout." I understand what you're saying here and I love how she refuses to think of him, but how I pronounce the word "throughout" doesn't rhyme with my pronunciation of "thought" in the previous line. Maybe it's just how I'm reading it, and if so, I apologize.

3) "'You will leave me after a day's trip," She said in vain." I don't quite understand why she said it in vain, but I do realize you need something to rhyme with "disdain" in the previous stanza. I don't really have any suggestions for this, and it doesn't really make a big difference unless you read the poem several times over, so I think it's fine.

4) "Searching for her knight..." Here again I feel the line is too short and doesn't have proper syllable coordinating to the other lines, but this can be remedied quite easily as there are multiple things that go along with the theme of a knight. (e.g. white, brave, strong)

I really loved this poem and I hope to see more from you in the future!
Oh, one more thing . . .
*Busts out party poppers and paper hats* WELCOME TO YWS!!!

~RagingLive